"I waddled onto a plane for mein dream vacation in Amerika! Vat I did? Statue of Liberty? Nein. Empire State Building? Nein. Get laid by an American hooker? Nein.
"I vent to der APPLE STORE, as if dere ain't none in Naziland. I rode an escalator in a department store und took stop-action movies in der Times Square, which others have already done to death on GooTube. Oooh, roamed der hallway of der cheap hostel I stayed at, und took videos of der room and der bathroom, too!
"I vent into der subway and oh, der schwatzers bangin on der plastic bucket, drumming loud to get tip money! I never saw a NIGGA before! In Germany we have der Muzzies but dey got der light diarrhea complexions or der dark pissy yellowy skin. Ve also have de AFRICANS but dey are just jet black stupid looking immigrants who can't rap. Here, I saw genuine NYC NIGGAS! Dark brown skin. Baseball hats sideways! Dirty pants and $400 sneakers! I got one to stop beating der drum und beat his meat in mein face, und den let me ZUCK ZUCK ZUCK. Yah, call me ZUCKERPIG!
"Yah! Yeah! I am der fat pig, und I have had der pig sausage, blood sausage, and der burnt weiner, but NEVER da big NIGGA DICK before! It vas delicious!
"Like every fatty, I just take, und take, und take. I see der online catalogs and take vun of DAT and vun of DAT, and if I take a vacation I take der pictures of vat I can't buy and lug home.
"I did bring back der knotted condom der Nigga wore ven he fucked my big white ass, shouting KARDASHIAN BITCH over and over. Yah, mein ass IS dat big! Und mein asshole expands like a Kardashian Kunt!
"Ach, New Year's Eve und I could not get into Times Square. I am too fat. Zo, I took der bus, waddled into der park, and stood with thousands of dummies and watched fireworks in der distance. It vas as shtupid and spooky as it looks on der GooTube. Zunday, der whole town vas closed for der New Year's Day, und Monday und Tuesday it rained.
"Ach, zo nice to get back home and into my favorite SS uniform, and I get to UNWRAP all der schmutz dat arrived vile I vas gone! Fat pigs like me hoard and hoard it all, and brag about it all. Mein only sadness is no NIGGAS here. Und der GooTube took mein video down of me being a ZUCKERPIG. Ach, but I can watch him shove it down mein throat vile vatching it on mein laptop. I watch it any time I'm not UNWRAPPING SHIT und adding clutter to der hovel.
"Mein life. I share it mit der world, because I tink vat I do is ZO FASCINATING! Yah. It is, sort of like watching der trainwreck, or ven a dog poops in der street. Yah it is hard to turn away. My secret hope is one day somebody who makes horror movies will see my squinty fat face and cast me as Der German dat Ate Cincinnati."
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