Ooh, Run To Get Tyson's Autograph (FEES APPLY)

You get shilled even when you're NOT on TWATTER.

I was over at the ESPN website, to check on boxing news. Along the margin on the right, they run TWATTER posts. Whether you want them or NOT.

Mostly it's Tweets from their fat boxing "expert," who gives opinions (ala Piers) which people can't ignore, and have to either agree with or scream about.

They also run any new Tweets from various boxers. Mike Tyson's people Tweeted about how he was appearing in Vegas. Yeah, go hop a fucking plane to meet him and get his autograph.

The Tweet didn't mention there was a FEE. Christ only knows what it was.

It sure LOOKS like this benevolent formerly violent fellow LOVES to meet his fans, and is just there to be friendly.

Except he charges prices the average Huelbig couldn't pay. How high? I checked his website and the store's website. NOBODY had the nerve to say! My guess is if you put a book, boxing glove or copy of the Koran in front of him, you had to also drop at least a $50 bill on the table.

After all, LOOK at what the store was proudly Tweeting at the same time:

So, if they're charging an obscene $250 for THAT, you have to figure they and Mike were NOT going to allow anyone to get a bargain signature for under $50, right? Christ, what's the fetish that would make a signature on a baseball...from a BOXER...so worth collecting??

But if you're in Vegas, you're a high roller, and you expect everything to cost a fortune. That's part of the fun of Vegas. You're supposed to throw your money away and grin about it. Even brag about it: "Oh, I dropped a few grand, ha ha ha..."

Ads hawking memorabilia appearances NEVER state what the FEE is going to be. Get there and be surprised. Look how tiny the "fees apply" notification is.

Last I heard, Iron Mike is still paying off debts. So many boxers insist they will NEVER end up broke and pathetic, like Joe Louis, and will NEVER hook up with a crook like Don King. And they do. Tyson was embracing King for a few years, before literally kicking him out of his life. Tyson, like his one-time rival Evander Holyfield, bought a too-big mansion, and went bankrupt. Unlike Holyfield, Mike also bought drugs, and even a lion (expensive upkeep, that).

But now that he's Mr. Lovable. He's a vegetarian, and a family man, and like George Foreman he suddenly developed a sense of humor. So while he was admired, then hated, he's now liked again, and who begrudges him selling his autograph to gullibles who are willing to pay crazy prices?

Me? I do have his autograph and I didn't pay much for it.

I admired him, began to loathe him (when he was saying he was going to eat Lennox Lewis's children, and when he gave a surly "All power to ALLAH" after a win). Then, seeing his one-man show and his comical talk show appearances, and his humbling (in the ring by Lewis) I came around to being interested in reading his life story.

I went to a book signing where they do NOT charge more than the list price for the book.

Stars must do signings to assure the book company dumps at least 500 or 1,000 copies instantly, which pushes the book at least briefly into the Top 20 list. Some stars understand the publicity value of a signing (crowds usually lined up around the block) and are flattered to be able to say "My Book made the Best Seller List."

Then again, there are guys named Caine and Shatner who keep their heads down, try to ignore any comment from an admiring fan, and just get the misery over with.

Tyson? He seemed to at least look at people, and hand the signed book back making eye contact. Not in MY case. I had the misfortune to be interrupted by a loudmouth black politician, some local Brooklyn Kingfish of some kind. He arrived with his entourage, cut through the line, grandly announced he was a councilman from Mike's home borough of Brooklyn, and wanted his book signed AND a photo op. There are probably a dozen members of the city council who represent parts of Brooklyn. This self-important turd was a nobody.

But he presented himself like royalty, and was obliged.

I was motioned to stay where I was, while all this bullshit went on, and Tyson stepped from behind the table to pose for photos and shake hands.

Now it was my turn to get my book signed, and I had some clever remark for him, which he didn't hear. Why? His head was turned, and the loudmouth Brooklyn politician was still grandly jawing and gesticulating and being a distraction. He had all the sincerity of Don King; a big smiling purveyor of shuck and jive.

You can bet eventually this council-con artist will be under arrest for stealing funds, buying prostitutes or doing drugs. Or just kicked out of office for being an ineffectual blowhard. Mike glanced down at the book in front of him, signed it, and one of the bookstore people handed it to me while calling out "NEXT!"

Ah, but if I was in Vegas for THIS event, he would've paid more attention, because I would've paid a LOT MORE MONEY. (And is standing next to him another $50??)

Mike's signature on a book...at least you can read the book, and I did find his book interesting. Staring at his signature on a $250 baseball, not so much.