Why Peter Was a One-Hit Wonder

Aha. Thanks to a friend in England, I got some hints about Dead Peter the Pop Star.

Yes, he DID have that ONE hit, but after that, he was so forgotten that he was rarely even on a 60's pop hit compilation CD. It's only because the BBC managed to NOT wipe a piece of shit he was on, that he's part of the "iconic" era. "Oh, let's do a documentary on the 60's...we have THIS stupid clip, and the guy DOES look like a typical simian from that ancient era..."

Further research shows, it was THIS photo that did him in. LOVELY, he is NOT.

Say, I didn't even know they had cell phones back then. But I do believe in the authenticity of every photo and post on the Internet, so this HAS to be REAL.

Besides, I think the picture first turned up in the Daily Fail or Grimsby Telegraph, and was then posted on Farcebook by a man who saw it originally on Twatter. And I met a man whose cousin said he knew a man who knew the Oxford girl! But I digress...

The story, as I got it second or third hand, is that Peter was actually singing "Lovely" to himself, in his bra and panties.

On the rough cut, he GROWLED the word "LOVELY," and in fact, did it over and over. "LOVELY...LOVELY..."

Alfred Hitchcock heard it, and was inspired to film "Frenzy." The film was completed some two or three years after Peter's hit song, but by then Peter was so forgotten, Hitch didn't use it over the opening titles.

The opening scene, of a dead naked woman floating down the Thames, was, it is said, inspired by Hitch having accidentally walked in on Cilla Black taking a bath.

Meanwhile the bra and knickers photo of Peter as a dedicated follower of nobody's fashion, had people begging the BBC to never play his songs again. Some fag named Robbin Verge also demanded this, but only because he liked to collect "songs that do not chart," and wanted Peter's stuff for his collection.

Peter's attempts at a follow up to his massive shit, er, hit, were greeted with derision. One tune was about asking a girl to take her clothes off. But since everybody knew what Peter was wearing under HIS clothes (see above), it didn't sell (except a second-hand boot sale copy to Mr. Verge).

For a while, Peter made money by renting his lower lip as a rubbery inflated children's bouncy ride in Blackpool.

The scandal, and Peter, faded away. Years later, he benignly made appearances on the oldies circuit. He had shaved his mustache by then, and he got grayer and fatter. He usually signed autographs for people who thought he was Judi Dench.

He would, of course, attain his greatest post-1969 by dying.

For the next day or two, people will go to GOOTUBE and lose their attention spans as he drones through his "Lovely" song, and they might vaguely be amused at one GooTube video where a wag mated very mild softcore footage (girls in their undies...almost as cute as the stuff Peter wore) to "Take Off Your Clothes."

When asked for a comment, Barry Grooker said, "I'll probably be dead in a few years, too. I'm awfully spotty, and I comb my armpit hair over my head and down to conceal my bald spot. But...that "Lovely" song? Didn't I WRITE THAT? ISN'T THAT MY MUSIC? I can't remember, but I must've written it. A one hit wonder? That sounds like ME! I'm taking his estate to court! Say, is the bra and knickers set still around? I could give it to Roland to sell on eBay, and help raise money to pay my barrister. I'd grab that set for myself, but they don't look my size. What do you MEAN, this silk Chinaman's outfit is silly enough as it is??"