New York's REID FONTAINE has SEX with a COW while covered in JELLO

As Groucho used to sneer..."If THAT'S your idea of a good time..."

The Internet is LOADED with diversions...Twitter, Facebook, Kickass, Chat Rooms, Forums...all kinds of ways to waste your time.

The real world? How about going to a bowling alley? Check the church socials. Find a sports bar and yell your guts out for a bunch of jerks wearing a jersey color you like, or who have a team with YOUR stupid city's name in it.

BUT...FUCK A COW?? Really

The hapless, stupid looking jerk named Reid Fontaine has no fucking excuse for his fucking insanity. Up until this incident, he worked as an IT network specialist for the Farmington School District in Connecticut. He had access to the Net. He was around people (though not children...his job was to "maintain...technology infrastructure.") He could've adopted a dog to do WHATEVER so many other dog owners do...

Instead, he had to cover himself in gelatin (?) and assault a heifer, while his moronic friend videotaped it. What's the deal, Reid...you figured if Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian had sex tapes, YOU could be famous, too? Only if the cow was named ADELE...and could sing instead of Moooo.

Seems these assholes were performing their antics on unguarded upstate New York farms. A farmer, kind of suspicious that his cows were acting weird and there seemed to be signs of somebody breaking into his barn, set up a camcorder...and caught the two idiots. He then turned over the creepy video to the police.

No word on what oriface Reid Fontaine used. He may have been buggering the cows. COWABUNGA!