It HAS To Get Better Than THIS

The Christmas episode of "Saturday Night Live" ended with THIS hideous, indelible image:

Yes, aging, hair-dye-wearing Macca swapping spit with pudgy, Klinger-nosed squidgy Little Steven in his "I'm not really bald" do-rag.

WHAT the fuck was THIS?

After two excruciating sound-alike anthems from The Boss, the show ended with the entire cast singing "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town." But the only voice you could actually hear was lead singer Springstink. Macca and Broooose's ugly shower buddy couldn't be heard at all.

Just why Macca would make what amounted to a silent cameo, I have no idea, but 2015 did end with one of the more revolting spectacles in TV history.

Backward Muzzie Morons vs Ghostly Swedish Meatballs

Talk about a melting pot...how about superstitious, ignorant moron IMMIGRANTS refusing shelter because of...GHOSTS?

Yes.

Instead of understanding that some parts of the world are full of savages and maniacs, Tidy Whities are bringing hummus-faced idiots into "civilization" and paying the consequences.

How long will it take before Muslims who believe in GHOSTS to declare ALLAH believes all WHITE people are really ghosts that should be blown to pieces to make sure they stay dead?

As if Sweden is civilized.

Most of Sweden is not even inhabited. It's forests. It's dull stretches of NOTHING. And yet Muslims have come crawling in from halfway around the world. Just to complain that they don't like it. And when Muslims aren't happy, they look in the Koran, read "START USING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS" and start terrorizing everyone.

Well, good luck Sweden. You shitpile.

Sweden is garbage. Sweden is full of inbred subhuman greedheads. Sweden gives nothing to the world. It's been a LONG time since ABBA and Anita Ekberg.

Sweden is where a meatball named Christer guffaws and spends his life on Demonoid giving away music for "nice comments." It's where the spoiled brats of Pirate Bay thumb their noses at the world and make up their prattling "copyright is copywrong" bullshit. Sweden is in the dark most of the time.

SWEDEN deserves what they get. They're gonna get what those assholes in Norway got.

Nobody remembers who Anders Behring Breivik is? He killed 92 of his own white Norwegian idiots because he was angry about Muslim immigration. That's a nut for you. Since Norway is almost as pussified as Sweden, Anders is freely spouting his theories, having three fine meals a day, and enjoying a "prison" that most niggas would consider luxury rentals.

All he did was off 92 people before some Isis maniacs could do it. Norway could get the next 9/11 or 7/7. Or SWEDEN.

Muzzies overpopulate their own crappy country, allow some maniac to become a leader, and instead of fighting for their freedom, they come running to countries that have done very well without ISLAM. The ingrate Muzzies bring their superstitions and religious psycho-babble with them.

Oooh, GHOSTS! Why are they afraid? They make their women walk around in BLACK sheets.

A bunch of crazies from a sandbox that turns their skin brown and their brains to mush decide to travel all the way to SWEDEN to start shivering about GHOSTS. Well, Sweden, you don't give a shit about demands from copyright owners to shut down Pirate Bay. Now you're getting demands from Muslims. Copyright owners have to shrug and accept defeat. Your Muslim immigrants will skewer your fucking eyes and behead your children. And blame it on GHOSTS and ALLAH.

Happy fucking New Year to YOU frozen-white fuckheads. And don't expect help from Ghostbusters. They don't exist. Same as copyright and sanity.

Fat Fur Pig Aretha Franklin "Brings Obama To Tears" at Kennedy On Her Event

The miserable 2015 year ended with one last pointless awards show, the "Kennedy Honors."

This bogus award, invented just to make television broadcast money, seems to be nestled in the sweaty perineum between the Medal of Freedom and the Tony or Grammy Awards.

The President is always sitting and watching the show, but this ain't exactly the "Medal Of Freedom" (which he has placed around the neck of pop personalities from Bob Dylan to Bill Cosby). There's no voting among peers (as with the Tony or Grammy). Somehow, a bunch of assholes are chosen for how well they'll draw ratings.

When the show was invented, it was easy to find legit old superstars willing to get applause just for showing up. In its first two years, 1978 and 1979, the guests were pretty awesome, including: George Balanchine, Richard Rodgers, Arthur Rubinstein, Aaron Copland, Ella Fitzgerald, Henry Fonda, Martha Graham, and Tennessee Williams. Now? As John Steed would say, "Eeee-urp!"

I think back in the late 70's the show could've had better ratings if it was literally the "Kennedy On Her" awards, given to babes who fucked John, Bobby and/or Teddy. Or got raped by a Kennedy nephew or cousin.

In these PC times, honorees are chosen not so much for their fame but their ethnicity.

No wonder the ratings have slipped slightly. What do Millennials care about OLD Asian, Latino or Black or Jewish stars who aren't stripping in the latest R-rated movie or at a rock concert?

For the record, the sad winners were George Lucas (let's try and entice nerds to watch, and he's coincidentally got a NEW movie out; he's the boring guy with the silly beard that STILL makes his face look fat), Seiji Ozawa (not a great conductor at all, but JAPANESE), Rita Moreno (hardly famous for anything but "West Side Story" but HISPANIC! HISPANIC! SI! SI! SI!), Cicely Tyson (she is BLACK! She may have made only one "liberals have to weep" movie about slavery but it was SUCH a good one), and Jewess Carole King (whose bio-show "Beautiful," which she ain't, can extend its run indefinitely with this kind of publicity).

Put it this way, these five fingers are almost a slap in the face to culture. Lucas has given us nothing but crap. You can't put on a symphony recording and identify Ozawa as the conductor; he's not that unique. Rita and Cicely are competent actresses who just happened to live long enough to be praised for being Hispanic and Black. And Carole King? She wrote some good songs. So? Some of them were co-written by her ex-husband Goffin, and people forget that. They forget that it was GOFFIN not KING who wrote the lyrics to "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman." Carole never, NEVER tells the world it was a MAN who wrote that fucking anthem. Does she? She soaks up all the glory herself. That Broadway show is about beautiful CAROLE KING, and her love story marriage (and divorce) is merely part of it.

So what was the highlight of this miserable show (that I didn't watch?) You guessed it from the header. Fat Fur Pig Aretha Franklin whooping and squealing and howling through such a SOULFUL arrangement of that boring "natural woman" song. And who is more "natural" than a BLACK woman? The morning headlines insist that Aretha's song brought down the house (yeah) and "brought Obama to tears." I didn't notice THAT. But oh, what a glorious moment when a BLACK woman sang to the BLACK president.

PS, within a few minutes, Aretha the Walrus was so overheated she had to dump her coat, revealing her flabby disgusting body. But for several minutes, she was telling all those "Black Lives Matters" assholes that animal lives DON'T.

Yes, yenta Carole Klein (now King, now the lyricist for that song, now the only author of it) practically wet her panties while cheering Aretha, and President Obama stood up like he was going to holler RIGHT ON any minute. Yeah, kill animals for a fur coat for a blob who has enough blubber to walk around naked in Alaska. Nice.

What, no tribute to the fabulous LEMMY? Oooh, poor dead LEMMY!

Nobody asking for a minute's silence for that "famous" country singer still missing after going on his duck jihad in Oklahoma?

And how could there be a variety show without ADELE??

PS, across the pond, there's some incredibly silly "honor" that involves making sluts and drug addicts into DAMES and KNIGHTS. Live long enough, and by attrition, you get to become a Dame or a Sir. And I'm sure that it won't be long before some fag demands to be called DAME instead of SIR when the award comes.

Barbara Quimsore? The bubble-head who was a topless joke to be laughed at in those low-class "Carry On" movies? Well, sure. She's now a DAME in a country that continues with ancient class distinctions and race cards. ROYALS are better than anyone, and so are DUKES and LORDS and other pompous rich bastards. And the average person should bow to a SIR or a DAME. I'm not sure why a woman gets to be a DAME instead of a LADY. Maybe you can be appointed a DAME, but not a LADY?

Too fuckin' bad. I wish Barbara Quimsore could've been appointed a LADY. At the honor ceremony, they could've played, "...that's why the LADY is a TRAMP."

Bridal Gown and Scuba Outfit

Favorite wedding photographer Cilla Blackledge confides, "I'm telling brides to bring scuba gear to the wedding. I've got a waterproof box around my camera now. You never know! Take a look at what happened at the last wedding I covered!"

As for the above picture, Cilla explains, "The bride and groom were prepared. She wore a drip-dry gown. He changed some lyrics on the karaoke machine. For instance, he sang "Nice day for a Wet Wedding."

Fact is, from New Orleans (Hurricane Katrina) to New York (Hurricane Sandy), flooding is no longer uncommon. Across the overflowing pond, it's the same. Horrendous scenes of water cascading into homes in Northern England hardly even raise a cry of protest. This is the way it is.

Mr. Ochs:

"And the holy works of love and reverence
Fell beneath the floods of Florence."

40 years ago, a terrible flood was not seen as the end of the world, just a sad incident.

Now we know that we are helpless against nature and worse, against human nature. Human nature is to ignore warning signs and to, in fact, make things worse. Like this flood of mindless machine-gun attacks around the world.

Brussels has announced the New Year has been canceled. Well, there wont be fireworks, because a bunch of psycho Muslims have put fear into the entire city. Yes, the fucking Muslims that were welcomed, have become rabid rats and nobody's sure which ones will suddenly bite.

In New York City, the blockhead mayor is assuring the citizens that NOBODY will get into Times Square without being checked TWICE. Backpacks will be confiscated. Alcohol will not be permitted. There will be no way that a suicide bomber can suddenly appear and take out 20 or 30 people. How nice.

It's humans who have caused the rampant floods that have devastated so many people lately. As unreasonable as radical Islam assholes, politicians have scoffed at avoiding the pollution, the fracking, and the rest of the things that are causing climate change. The basics for strengthening what remains have also been scorned.

It's easier for politicians to look sad and promise repair money to sorry, soggy constituents, than to prevent the next crisis. This was the case when fat New Jersey governor Chris Christie, an obese symbol of wretched excess, toured the destruction of Hurricane Sandy. He let women hug him and cry on him. Yeah, Big Daddy would throw some money their way. Or so he promised. Even after all these years, some people have not been able to return home.

There's no promise that another hurricane, another flood, won't do even worse damage.

"And the holy works of love and reverence
Fell beneath the floods of Florence."

If you check the thieving websites where lyrics are stolen, you won't find the above. One site says "the holy...undetermined..of love" and another "the holy works of love." Why should they bother getting it right? Why should they care. If you visit the site, that's traffic enough. The advertisers are happy. Fuck it if the Ochs estate gets no money and if the lyrics aren't right.

WORKS of love and reverence are viewed, today, as nothing but fodder for pirates to make a cheap buck. This could be outright pirates like Pirate Bay, or pimp bastards like eBay who turn a blind eye to the truth behind "Attention eBay, I own copyright or am an authorized reseller, or this item is in public domain." And then there's Spotify and the others who simply make money the old fashioned way, by being a monopoly and then cooking the books, defying anyone to sue them and shouting "we pay a fair royalty."

Piracy today is drowning the profits.

Bob Dylan titled an album "Before the Flood." More recently, he sang about "Highwater risin', rising night and day. All the gold and silver are being stolen away...Highwater rising the shacks are sliding down. Folks lose their possessions, the folks are leaving town..."

The very word "flood" stirs powerful images of helplessness. And that's just the way it is, as we start another year of the miserable 21st Century.

Nobody's Dredged Up Ickland Strickland Sickland Yet - So Let's Pray, Y'All

One of the major headlines of the day is about the "Country Singer" still missing.

That's the hook. He was a "Country Singer."

Just not one that ANYBODY ever heard of.

What's up with this dopey-faced duck killer?

Go ahead. Do what I did the other day. Check GooTube and see what happens. First guy to come up was not STRICKLAND but STICKLAND. There's a Craig Stickland, who has a beard, plays piano and doesn't have an iTunes deal like the great Shauna Cuntwell. But that's STICKLAND not STRICKLAND.

Continue. Do you get an ickland. A sickland. A sick land...what about STRICKLAND? Ah...

You'll find a few clips about this Strickland guy disappearing, as GooTube ghouls hope to get enough hits to buy a beer with the royalties.

Oh. Hold on. Search a little more, and you find that "Craig Strickland" was the lead "singer" (he can't sing, really) in some assholish bar band, Backroad something-or-other. They didn't have a record deal. You can't buy a download off Amazon. Shauna Cuntwell is on Spotify, not THIS guy.

His band had somebody walkin' the bass, and a bunch of other amateur clods hovering around thrashing on instruments, and your typical idiot savant fiddle player. Oooh, and they're covering Charlie Daniels' fucking boring song about the Devil who went down to Georgia to hear fiddle music. Yeeeee hah.

You might as well headline, if Barren Cock went missing, "Video Critic Disappears" or "Searching for Rock Singer..." That's the media for you. On a slow news day, they'll pretend anyone and everyone is FAMOUS.

If you remember the last Tweet from this Gomer's pal Chase was a boast that he was going to "kill ducks in Oklahoma."

He didn't say "hunt ducks." Because he wasn't a hunter. He was a killer.

Now wifey is getting into the act, getting maudlin and using social media to mewl, "You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

What the fuck does that even mean? Is she Tweeting to the dead Chase Morland, who lured her husband out into a boat on a lake so they could have a bromantic time killing ducks?

If she's implying that Jesus has been wasting time harvesting her tears, and using a pocket calculator to tote up each one and write that in a book...she's NUTS. Jesus just had a birthday, and he's still counting the money he got from every church collection basket and plate. Then he plans to invest in hedge funds.

OK, there's nothing much else this sad, idiot woman can do except enjoy the "nice comments" on Twatter and Farcebook, and preoccupy herself with checking social media every other minute.

She can see her name in the papers, e-mail photos of her and Craig together, and make herself into a martyr by quotin' Scripture, y'all.

Were it not for the Internet, she'd just be sitting by the phone, with a few redneck friends of her idiot husband, and a few dimwit bitches, sullenly munching French Fries and drinking beer, and "waiting it out."

And she'd have to banish the thought that her goofy grinning "country singer" husband preferred his bromance and KILLING DUCKS to being home with her. Not hunting ducks. Remember his never-taking-a-shower-buddy's last words:

"IF WE DON'T COME BACK, BACKROAD CRAIG AND I ARE GOING RIGHT THROUGH WINTER STORM GOLIATH TO KILL DUCKS IN OKLAHOMA."

Lord Jesus, Lord and Savior, if Craig is truly gone, let's hope he and his pal Chase are with you, KILLING DUCKS IN HEAVEN.

North West - little queenie the arrogant meanie

America's royal couple is Kuntrashian and Kuntye, but all eyes are on Little Queenie, "North West."

Her every fucking move has to be captured and, media whore monkey parents that KIMYE are, they go along with it.

California is not known for cold weather. But here's the lovable little mongrel in a FUR COAT, sucking her lollipop, squinting at the peasants taking her picture.

You see anyone shielding this kid? Trying to make sure this kid leads any kind of normal life? Nah, let her pose, let her pose, let her pose. And nobody would even be taking a picture if she wasn't decked out in a fur coat.

Anyone objecting to this disgusting display of cruelty and vanity? Oh, let's read the caption:

Yeah, that's the way Millennials are. It's ALL good, ALL the time. The little brat is "FUR REAL," and, to use the favorite faggot word of the century, she's "FIERCE."

What could be more "FIERCE" than a spoiled brat toddling to a dance class wearing fur?

That's fag talk, and anyone who thinks that homos are sensitive should think again. They aren't too sensitive about the murder of innocent animals. They aren't too sensitive to the proper way to raise a child. It's all about artificiality, fame, glitz, bling, and preening over fashion.

The normal middle class, that created the values mirrored in the classic movies, books, TV shows and songs of the 20th Century, has become decimated and perverted and eclipsed by vain, disgusting monsters. Es verdad, amigo.

He Will be Missed...just not by me

Well, what could be more profound and touching than a Farcebook tribute.

STRICKLAND's never-take-a-shower buddy, posing so nobly with a defenseless animal he destroyed, was remembered by the redneck asshole company he worked for.

What's more sporting than murdering one of God's creatures with a high-powered can't-miss modern assault weapon? And just a few days after Christmas? These little-dicked white boys weren't hunting the way Native Americans did, were they?

But let's remember "CHASE" for what he was, a GOOD OL' BOY with a homicidal ISIS-like desire to KILL, KILL and KILL. He shared that trait with his bromance pal Strickland. Strickland didn't wanna stay home with wifey when he could go out duck hunting with Chase. But I'll call these two duck-murdering cowards by their real names: Mr Jinx and Miss Lucy.

Seems that he was found in the lake, and the overturned boat was found, too. They just haven't been able to turn up soggy Strickland, yet, the guffawing C&W singer so eager to KILL DUCKS.

"Mr. Jinx and Miss Lucy, they jumped in the lake
I’m not that eager to make a mistake

People are crazy and times are strange
I’m locked in tight, I’m out of range
I used to care, but things have changed."

BOB DYLAN

Redneck C&W Singer STRICKLAND wanted to KILL DUCKS. Har har

So now the headline is where's STRICKLAND? Lost in a forest somewhere with an armload of dead ducks? Or is HE the dead duck?

America is one big fuckin' DUCK DYNASTY.

Yes, there was a hit reality show about bearded redneck morons going out and killing ducks. It became a trend. A lifestyle. One of the assholes running for president, Mike Huckabee, proudly says he LOVES shooting ducks out of the sky.

So here comes a C&W moron I never heard of, who disappeared after Tweeting how he's a good ol' boy who just gotta KILL SOME DUCKS, even in the midst of a fierce rain storm.

Look at that duck-eating grin. This retard, with a career (of some kind) and a wife, boasted how he was going to be a fool-hardy fuckhead and drive through a serious killer storm JUST so he could go find a nice quiet part of God's country where he could kill and kill and kill. Gaahhhh-lee! Him and his never-take-a-shower buddy shore knew what GOOD is.

This isn't a troll blog, and I don't go all over Twitter or news comment websites saying nasty and vicious things just for kicks. So I'll officially say that I don't hope this asshole is dead.

I'll just say that I kinda doubt that every duck that shit-grinning red-necked retards destroy turns up served with grits and gravy. Most of this cowardly sport is just about thrill-killing and sadism, and most of the ducks plummet into oblivion and rot on the ground.

And if people don't care about disposable wildlife, be it ducks, foxes or whales, then why should anyone care about some missing person when this planet has BILLIONS of 'em?

Aw, BEEBS was jus' bein' BANKSY - Graffiti is KEWL

Idiots think graffiti is art.

Millennials think selfishness is kewl.

So BIEBER and his shower buddies decided to spray-paint the sell date of his new album all over San Francisco's sidewalks.

Apparently this kind of shit is so common, nobody with a cell phone took photos of the perps.

None of the fags of Frisco's law enforcement or transportation or sanitation divisions thought to check a surveillance camera and save the evidence.

So far, the official word out of Sodom is, "We're in a snit. It's one thing for leather boys to suck cock in the street, and dykes to show off their nipple rings, but Bieber ads on the sidewalk? This has nothing to do with the city's preoccupation with alternate sexual lifestyles. Boo hiss!"

The city is sort of asking that Bieber and his record label pay to have the paint removed. Or maybe pay a fine. Or something. But they can't seem to get their heads and tongues out of each others' asses to file charges.

Besides, Bad Boy Bieber was just havin' fun. The city must have teen Belieber girls who aren't yet lesbians, and no doubt a lot of leather men who fantasize about 'the "Baby" singer' (as he is still called).

The S.F. spokes-fag had to stress in the press release that graffiti demeans the citizens, is against the law, isn't attractive, and spoils the pretty city for tourists...all things that Millennials and avant-farts would disagree with. It's ALL good.

Bieber? Adele? Are Those Vevo Figures Real?

Jesus, what an insane world.

Have you noticed, when you check GOOTUBE, that you're given crazy choices of shit you should watch?

I think I'd typed in "Johnny Carson Monologues" or some such old comedy comfort phrase, and got THESE CHOICES:

Yeah, there were three or four rows, and somehow GOOTUBE was insisting I had to be interested in ADELE and BIEBER. Why? Because 800 MILLION idiots watch this SHIT?

They even wanted me to SUBSCRIBE, and join 9 million Adele idiots or 16 million Beliebers.

Does GOOTUBE phony up these numbers? Do they count "unique" hits or maniacs watching the same stupid video over and over? And what fancy calculation do they use when they pay these two over-paid monsters a royalty?

800 million hits for fat Adele singing "Hello?" That's almost like every man woman and child in America watching it three times each.

The shits just keep on coming. The rats get richer. How nice that Google, in essence, owns the world's biggest MTV channel and the world's biggest radio station, and the world's biggest juke box in GOOTUBE.

BARREN COCK IS CAPTURED

Unable to post to his GOOTUBE account, Barren Cock rolled up a note, tied a string to it, shoved it up Shauna Cuntwell's twat, and had her smuggle it to safety.

"I am being held prisoner," the note says.

"First they shaved my head, and even took away my fabulous sideboards. Still holding me firm, they wrestled my new "Game of Toilets" DVD set away, and hauled me off to the Looney Bin.

"I tried to explain that I'm a famous INTERNET STAR. I begged them to go on GOOTUBE and see a sample of how, with my grunting baby-has-a-tummy-ache gasping voice, I urgently show off all the things I buy on Amazon. And what did they say to me?

"BLODER TROTTEL! BORNIERTER LACKEL! VERBLODET DIKKOPFIG HOLTKOPF!"

"Which translates as Useless imbecile, Petty-minded Jerk, Brainless Pig-headed Idiot.

"I tried to explain that I have a wife and kids that would miss me, and they didn't believe it. I added that I have hundreds of fans who can't do without me showing them how to open a package from Amazon. Somebody stepped on my foot. Finally I began to make a lot of faces, shrug my shoulders, and act like an epileptic proboscis monkey."

He was sent to the infirmary's rubber room, but hopefully he will be out of that and into the oven where he belongs.

HOW STUPID LOOKING WAS JOSHUA TURDBALL?

When I heard that a Millennial actually fell off a fucking mountain because he was busy texting while walking...I had to see HOW...STUPID LOOKING...HE WAS.

Only this wasn't easy.

Like THIS fucking frustration:

Why can't I just read a news article and see a photo?

Have you noticed that the first websites that come up in a Google search (no doubt PAID to come up first) are from CNN and other video websites?

They don't just want to let you read news. They want to slap you in the face with ads. They want to blast a video at you, including 60 seconds of commercials before you can get the story.

And the video never comes up because there's always a fucking glitch of some kind.

Usually it's that you haven't downloaded today's new version of ADOBE FUCKWIT.

Finally, I did find a photo of JOSHUA TURDBALL, looking even more stupid than I thought he'd look. Yeah, this is the best photo of the moron that could be found. No doubt it's his FARCEBOOK photo.

One less asshole in the world. Meanwhile, dumb twats walk into walls, goofy nitwits trip on the sidewalk, and now and then some boob memorably walks straight into a hotel lobby's waterfall display or goldfish pond. ALL because they have to multi-pest and spend their lives squinting at their hand-held idiot boxes.

Every time you think the 21st Century can't get shittier..."what's that smell??"

ALL'S WELLS - Mikey Tweets for Smaller Prizes

Ever heard of Mike Wells?

No. Neither have I. But he'll tell you he's written 25 novels. Name one.

He's got 100,000 Twitter followers. Well, Wells, that's easy enough to do. Just go around following everyone and they'll follow you. Tens of thousands of idiots Tweeting to nobody. Nobody's reading this shit.

And why should they. All he does is Tweet advertisements for himself. Norman Mailer once wrote a book called "Advertisements for Myself," but he didn't really have to do it literally. He was kind of lucky to be born at the right time.

Today's so-called authors?

Get your picture taken wearing some kind of flashy hat that has more personality than your face. CHECK. Try wearing the AUTHOR BEARD. CHECK.

Now starting calling attention to yourself with cheap give-aways, and all those sad, sad, SAD claims to fame like "My book is now on a cloud service...you can download one of my books free...I'm on somebody's podcast..." When in doubt, post a link to some "fun" trivia game you saw on a website, or some hilarious meme that's been going around. Har.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I know authors a lot higher on the food chain than this guy, who admit that they HATE having to Tweet and use Facebook. They say it's humiliating to have to keep entertaining people for free. They say "it doesn't seem to work," but they are in purgatory (and Limbo) and do it anyway.

This Wells guy is at it several times a day with forgettable pestiness.

Ugh. Same thing with D-list "stars" and yeah, the critically acclaimed low-selling singer-songwriters. In the latter category, these people constantly direct you to soundcloud for the same songs over and over, which you're expected to hear once and then buy for a dollar.

They publicly thank some nobody who had them guest on a podcast nobody heard of. They show off some bogus "award" they got from some local losers of some kind. They share their pitifully small fan mail. They show a picture of some eBay auction of a promo item and say "that brings me back." And they coquette, cajole and cry out for "nice comments," and will resort to saying "it's my dog's birthday" or re-Tweeting something from "Black Lives Matter" or some charity involving AIDS or "sign up and walk to fight breast cancer" or yeah, showing a photo of their lunch.

As Mr. Ochs once sang, "the days grow longer for smaller prizes." Since these Twatters and Farcebookers aren't actually working, aren't making a living, and are too old to have much of a day job beyond tutoring somebody on how to play the guitar or maybe teaching a writing course, their long, long day does revolve around pathetic self-promotion.

All's like Wells...all dressed up in a fancy hat with no place to go. But if this clown IS invited to sign books at his local store (after pestering them in person every week), he'll happily show a photo of "the event" and act like he does it all the time, and that he sold more than two copies.

Dear Sir or Madam would you be my Farcebook friend? Would you listen to me Tweet? Later today I'll be Tweeting more, and I need a job and....

Jeez Cleese, it's CHEESE

What the FUCK is wrong with you, John?

This is kind of drivel, no matter who you are. Isn't it?

Would you want to overhear this on a bus?

Shit that isn't worth saying out loud, gets Tweeted like it's important.

Sad, isnt it, that it's not just the witless Shauna Cuntwells of the world who think their every burp and fart and off-key burble is of vital importance to the world.

CURB YOUR FUCKING ENTHUSIASM, CURB YOUR ARROGANCE, CURB YOUR EGOTISM, and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I guess some celebrities have heads so inflated, they think every gaseous thought must be propelled onto the Internet. Is this an example of the John Cleese wit? Of his iconoclastic opinion? Of anything?

When I first checked out Farcebook and Twatter, I thought, wow, I get to keep up with some of my FAVORITE stars. It'll be like I'm FRIENDS with 'em. Then it turns out most are more boring than the friends I long ago de-friended for being boring. Zzzzzzzz.

I'm Sorry, STEVE Hasn't a Clue. But Yehya Mohamed is FAMOUS! ALLAH be PRAISED!

A very good question is...

WHY THE FUCK DO FAT UGLY LOSERS have to haunt celebrities for SELFIES?

The answer is they have nothing better to do. They also seem to think that being within sniffing distance of a celebrity gives them the sweet smell of success.

"Wow, you got your picture taken next to Barry Cryer! How very fortunate for YOU!"

Does it matter that the celebrities are just being nice? That they would rather put on an insincere smile for five seconds than be dead for eternity?

STEVE, seen in the set of four pix below, was DELIGHTED to collect a shot of himself with EVERY member of the "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" radio show.

Ugly gob of goo. Looks the same in every hideous photo. Always the same angle because he's got no friends and has to extend his arm to take the selfie.

Recently, Kyle Smith of the NY Post wrote a piece about how ridiculous it is to care about what Twitter trolls say. He rightly pointed out that many have less than 30 followers. Even if they come up with something outrageous, like "Why aren't there any white cast members in THE WIZ, this is racist," it doesn't increase their following. They are still anonymous trolls.

Indeed. If Shauna Cuntwell or Barren Cock has a few dozen or a few hundred followers, so what? If this STEVE idiot has a website that a few dozen people visit, does it matter?

Well, it's the inane egotism that's disturbing. These people are wasting bandwidth. They can't curb their egotistic enthusiasm. They are so deluded about their self-worth that it turns from being laughable to being disgusting.

As for STEVE, when he confronts some D-lister leaving a theater, he takes the time that might be spent with some real fan who has something touching or interesting to say.

The celebrity, having put up with STEVE, cries, "Sorry everyone, gotta go." As in, "I was a good sport, as you all saw, and now I can escape." The professional autograph hound and selfie-photo asshole gets served, and everyone else walks away disappointed.

STEVE thinks that being in photos with stars can make him a star?

Don't laugh.

It's a million-to-one shot, but THIS guy is fat and ugly and FAMOUS.

I don't know who the "star" is on the left, but the gruesome gorilla is Yehya Mohamed. Like the French pop singers of the 60's, you pronounce his first name YEH-YEH. Yeah.

This mongoloid can barely speak English. He hardly even knows the names of the celebrities he insists on posing with. All he knows is the person is some kind of a star, so HE wants a picture. The stars, recognizing a retard, and perhaps afraid that this creature might have a knife, indulge his selfie-insanity.

Late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel heard about him and decided he was hilarious. Sure, Jimmy laughs AT this Muslim bumbler more than WITH him. But it's ALL good to Yehya.

Kimmel loves to drag this slob out and have him show off his latest selfies, or incoherently babble "reviews" of new movies, mispronouncing the names of the stars. Ha ha.

Being famous by covering Taylor Swift songs? By reviewing shit you bought on Amazon? By showing off selfies with or without celebrities in them? It could happen.

Want MORE of Yehya? Go to GOOTUBE where he's hoisted tedious slide-shows of his ugly face next to celebrity faces. Kimmel's website has a lot of this tripe, too, including the creepy Arab's oh-so-hilarious mangle-minded reviews of all the latest MOVIES.

Hedy Lamarr said it was easy to be sexy: "Just look stupid."

In the 21st Century, it's also easy to be famous: JUST BE STUPID.

Hollywood's Un-Merry Christmas - Hackers "Ruin the Fun" Ha ha

As John and Yoko would happily sing it, "Piracy is over, IF YOU WANT IT."

But, nobody seems to want it. Not badly enough for laws to be strengthened so that there are no loopholes for Kim Dotcom to still enjoy a million-dollar mansion, or for Kickass and Pirate Bay to give the finger to Sony and NBC and the BBC and everyone else.

Christmas is supposedly the time of year when we happily spend $15 each, to sit in a smelly theater surrounded by obnoxious loudmouths, to watch moronic adventure movies. Come take the entire family. Buy 'em each a rucksack full of popcorn. Wheee.

Only THIS year, Robin Hood and his merry bunch of hackers, stole all the movies. Ha ha ho ho hee hee.

Oh, NOW they've done it. Surely justice will kick in against Kickass and the rest. Surely even eBay, who let any monkey in Sri Lanka write, "I own copyright" on Harry Potter books, will be forced to be responsible. Surely, Quentin Tarantino will have a violent reaction to seeing his movie stolen. And James Bond will fight back to prevent the bad guys from ripping him off.

So who's responsible for this? Step up, so everyone can cheer. And copyright holders can continue to shrug and say, "Oh, it's OK, we're still making a decent living."

Yes, Yoko, "Piracy is over IF YOU WANT IT," but while your lawyers might actually pay some Web Sheriff to remove a violation on eBay, there are dozens of musicians, TV stars and writers and publishers who won't even let someone file a DMCA for FREE.

It sends the message that they're doing so well they can't be bothered. Which sends the message that, yes indeed, some people out there are making TOO much money and deserve to be robbed. Just like others deserve to be raped.

As they say in the hood, it's ALL good.

Madonna laughs at no-dick girly-haired son Rocco

No wonder Rocco won't come home.

His mum, gap-toothed slut-looney Madonna has been demeaning what little manhood he has.

Poor Rocco, dressed up in pigtails by his insane mother.

Poor Rocco, a photo of him in a too-tight swimsuit he couldn't fill, with the demeaning caption, "NO SAUSAGE."

You'd think that any son of Madge the Vag would turn queer just by the hideous amount of photos of Mom fucking her way through a parade of muscular boy-toys and big-dicked black basketball players. How frightening when Mum the Maneater has literally written the book on SEX, lived a "truth or dare" lifestyle, and put as much traffic through her twat as cars going through the Lincoln Tunnel.

Rocco would rather stay in England with white Guy, his Daddy? Not with an aging media whore who has a menagerie of black adopted brats and a mini-slut named Lourdes?

Lay low, Rocco.

And remember, if things really get bad, follow the advice of Bruce Jenner, another media whore: "If you can't get a raise, you might take a cut."

BBC2 Announces Kell Brook vs Kelly Brook re-match for New Year's Eve

"The uproar at suffering through another show hosted by smirky, brain-addled Jools Holland had our viewers getting violently ill," explains the BBC2 press release. "We decided to broadcast a violent fight instead."

Kell Brook is 35-0, which is 35 wins and no losses.

Kelly Brook is 38-16, which is her bust size and her IQ.

Kell's reach is 69 inches, which is the same length as one of Kelly's bras.

Kell's nickname is "Special K." Kelly's is "Double D."

Here's a key moment in the first fight, which Kell won by a KO to the boob.

Kelly cried foul, claiming, "My boobs sagged down and his shot was technically below the waist."

The fight was called by Scottish boxing announcer Jim Watt, so nobody understood anything that went on.

A replay clearly showed that, according to ring announcer Michael Buffer, "that big fat boob was hanging there, waiting to be hit. You meant Steve Bunce, right?"

Kelly then said, "My hands were down. I was trying to scratch an itch on my shaved twat, and I wasn't paying attention to anything else."

The fight was licensed by the Luxembourg Boxing Federation (LBF), who, as they did with the David Haye vs Dereck Chisora bout, simply declared, "Whoever gives us the most money wins."

Fortunately, Kelly found boxing promoter Kellie Maloney (formerly Frank Maloney) who switched genders from male to female. SHE has guaranteed that this New Year's Eve re-match will obey the Marquis de Queensbury rules. The Marquis was a notorious queen, by the way.

Asked if she would favor Kelly over Kell, Kellie said, "I'm impartial. I did choose a fake twat over a real dick, but in the end, the asshole is unchanged."

The bout will feature a cover version of the National Anthem, as performed by iTunes star Shauna Cuntwell. Protested Jules Holland, "What's this shite? Anybody can be on iTunes now. It means nothing. I'm in Squeeze!"

Scoffed Shauna, "The punctuation is wrong. Jules fucked me in the ass, and I heard him say "I'm in! Squeeze!" But I still couldn't feel anything, and he slipped out, like a toothpick from the mouth of an orangutan."

Some boxing experts were surprised Kell Brook would choose a ridiculous match such as this, but he's got a dark view on his other opponents.

Kell said, "Who else is there? Amir Khan? Who cares about that big-nosed rubber-band-armed hummus-face! Look at his face compared to mine. I take him lightly. Besides, if I beat him I'll be machine-gunned by Muslims. It's safer to beat the shit out of this bint. It fact when it's over, if BBC2 doesn't mind, I'll go across the channel to BBC1 and beat the shit out of Bryan Adams, too."

Cilla's Latest Photo

We've heard from our favorite British photographer, Cilla Blackledge.

She just sent us her latest picture. The email caption:

"I took this lovely photo of the bride at a wedding in North London. It was a romantic

ceremony, despite the flooding."

Paul McCartney sings to Spotify execs: "You Never Give Me Your Money"

Wanna bet it happens?

Macca is gonna be another Spotty Pie casualty.

"I don't understand it. Beatles songs were played 50 million times and I got a check that barely pays for a Chip Butty."

When piracy became rampant, and so-called "music lovers" began "sharing," the big excuse was "musicians are being ripped off by their record labels!" So why not be ripped off by their fans. Why not be ripped off by Rapidshare and Megaupload? Why should Clive Davis of Columbia Records be a millionaire, and not, oh, the foursome from Pirate Bay instead. Or Kim Dotcom?

One forum fuckhead, speaking for all, was Seniormole. "Why the kerfuffle," asked this 60-something wine-drinking Brit. "Sell t-shirts and tour. The music should be free. Find a new paradigm! Spotify is a wonderful new company!"

And Spotify has defended itself against cheating the artists by insisting they don't cook the books, and that THEY come first. Hey, it takes a LOT of money to set up a streaming radio system.

Radio stations have closed. Record stores have closed. Indie artists can't make a dime. Mid-list aging rock stars have been let go by their labels and management. Seniormole happily enjoys hearing "Flaming Pie" on Spotify.

Sorry, but under the astonishing "good news" that Millennials are streaming Beatles music, is the fact that the streaming services make the money, and nobody else. They are a monopoly.

"Oh, tish tosh and poo," says Seniormole. "Two of the Beatles are dead. Paul and Ringo have enough money. Why are they being so selfish when it's nice to share? I think I'll have another glass of wine!"

"The music suffers...The music business thrives." Paul Simon

EVERYBODY'S FECES FOR 15 MINUTES

Here's a twit in Dublin, unknown to everybody but her relatives and the guy who sells tampons to her once a month, but SHE thinks she's hot shit.

She wants you to LIKE her shit and BUY her shit.

And here's a legend in his own mind, a video "star," who is a "personality" and a "consumer affairs reporter." He might even brag that he's another obese "stand-up comedian and raconteur" like Stephen Fry. He "broadcasts" shit, and gets "royalties" that might just be enough to buy a roll of toilet paper once a month.

What's going on? It's the Internet, making the playing field dead level.

The world has become the flatlands. "Far as the eye can see...level, dead level." But I quote the Oysterband, who are barely holding on in their late middle age, touring but not that much (because it's easier to watch bootlegs of them on YouTube) and making albums (but not often, because they're in competition with every nitwit who uploads music for their Facebook friends to hear).

Warhol suggested everybody would be famous for 15 minutes? Davies sang about how everybody's in show biz? I wouldn't call 'em psychic. Neither are up there with, say, Madame Fecalnegro, who works out of a booth in Blackshit. The matriarch of the family, Slimy Fecalnegro once told Brian Conley, "One day you will be totally forgotten." Pretty accurate, huh?

He replied, "And you'll be known as one ugly cow who is just a fucking joke. God, your face looks like a pile of cow manure with doll eyes glued on and a bitch dog sat on your head."

Good Lord, Conley was psychic, too!

BUT I DIGRESS.

The sad state of "entertainment" in the world is that you don't need any talent at all to be "famous." You can be Kardashian famous. Or Barren Cock "famous in his own mind."

Back in the sane days, we all knew what it meant for an "author" to be "published" by Vantage or Exposition Press. It meant "you are NOT a real writer, you paid for somebody to print your awful vanity project."

Likewise, somebody self-pressing an album didn't have a label with the RCA or EMI logo. It was usually some fake "company" and the address was actually the singer's home, or a nearby post box number.

NOW? Any idiot can be on YouTube, right alongside bootlegs of Graham Norton and David Wulliams.

NOW? Any idiot can be on Spotify or iTunes or Google Play, right alongside The Beatles.

Like dog shit you've stepped in unknowingly, there's a brown smudgy line between what you can laugh away and what is so stinky you can't ignore.

It's pathetic that deluded Cuntwells and Cocks won't curb their enthusiasm for calling attention to their wretched selves. What is worse is that in the 21st Century of Shite, the audience doesn't always KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

The proof is that nobodies are famous for no reason at all, and that some dopes who have the opportunity to listen to The Beatles will listen to Shauna Cuntwell instead. Some cock-eyed schitzu moron will sit, wet nose pressed against the screen, fascinated by a fat turd named Darren opening a Lego set he bought. Literally wheezing and sneezing, and muttering to himself in a mouse-fart voice, he ain't worth watching yet 300 or 400 people or more will watch most anything he posts. As if it's real entertainment.

Once upon a time book publishers and record labels set a bar that, at least, kept out the rank amateurs. Today, the rank amateurs have lowered the bar so that nobody can make a living, nobody knows good from bad, and the landscape is a landmine of shit.

Do They Know It's Christmas, the Twats?

Why are you wearing a gigantic floor-length FUR COAT, Queen Bitch? You think you're Aretha Franklin? Why don't you separate yourself from the simians and show the world that in the 21st Century there's no reason to need dead animals to keep warm?

Yeah, a Royal pain in the ass. She could be sending a message of humanity, of decency, of kindness to animals. Naaaahhh.

Meanwhile, America's Royals simply showed off their ostentatious smirking. We're RICH, we live a DREAM LIFE, and just like the British Royals, there's NO reason for us to have all this money and fame.

The self-absorbed Kardashians and Jenners have nothing better to do than show off, and "gift" the peasants with selfies of themselves. What could be more charming than an insincere bunch of twats all doing anus-lips for the camera. Mmmmmmmwahhh, feast on the shit that comes out of our dimwit mouths.

Yes, Kuntrashian and Kuntye's daughter is old enough to be part of the royal festivities. What's she gonna turn out to be, a well-grounded woman with common sense and humility? An impossible niglet? Or a drug overdose like the fabulous Bobbi, daughter of Shitney? And why should anyone care?

Oddly the big news in England is that Bieber and the Slimy Towel contest winner missed #1 on Christmas week. Oh yes, and there was the big Down Syndrome Abbey vs Up Your Rear Ender show and a greeting from the Queen.

America has none of that, because America is simply too selfish and greedy. The tradition in America is to run riot, literally, in the department stores, order a ton of crap online, and spend Christmas opening presents and eating.

#1 record for Christmas? Utterly meaningless, and even when there were actual radio stations, nobody cared. First off, the odds were pretty good that the #1 song would be some inane piece of Christmas shit. If there's been any "tradition" in America around December 25th, it's the Christmas Cash-in, from "The Christmas Song" by Mel Torme to "The Chipmuk Song" by The Chipmunks...and over the years, feeble pieces of idiocy old (Elvis Presley and those types resurrecting classic Xmas tunes to cover) to new (Lennon and McCartney trying to outdo each other with sappy-melody Christmas jibberish).

A quick check of the Billboard charts tells you that around Chritmas, it was more likely the #1 song might be "April Love" by Pat Boone, "Why" from Frankie Avalon, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by the Tokens, "Telstar" by the Tornadoes, "Over and Over" by the Dave Clark Farts, "I Feel Fine" by The Beatles, "Angie Baby" by Helen Reddy, "Let's Do it Again" by the Staple Singers, "The Pina Colada Song" by Rupert Holmes, "Just Like Starting Over" by John Lennon or "Maneater" from Hall and Oates.

A Christmas song would likely get the dimwitted "It did not chart" from the clueless, musically retarded Lord of the Boot Sale. You know him...Santa Clueless, the guy who gives away anything, buys anything, and has all the brains of a dung beetle. He will listen to anything and none of it registers, really. Sort of like a baby slurping up any goo on a spoon, and then posting it to the diaper 8 hours later.

The late-night talk shows are all in re-run (showing episodes from around Thanksgiving). Prime time is loaded with re-runs of old holiday specials from Charlie Brown cartoons to doped-up rock and C&W morons pretending to have family values. They should sing lyrics that truly reflect their lives: "The weather outside is frightful...but being rich delightful...we have scored an ounce of blow...let it snow let it snow let it snow..."

Most hit TV shows are in re-run weeks before Christmas. Nobody wants to work. There are no prime-time serials or soap operas that have any kind of climactic moment that would make people turn away from going to the mall or spending all night on Amazon. (How many decades ago did "Dallas" score ratings with "Who Killed J.R." or MASH with their final episode, or "The Fugitive" confronting the one-armed man??) The President has nothing to say and you might have to flip through 500 cable channels to find a "Midnight Mass" anywhere. The USA shuts down, pretty much, as fast as California schools after an e-mailed ISIS threat from a prankster in Romania.

Now it's time to limp along through the dreary "Year in Review" media blitz, which, of course, focuses on the beautiful Prince and Princess and what they did in England, and the even more beautiful Kardashian and Jenner bunch, and what they did all year, from showing their naked asses to plumping and pouting their jelly-filled lips. One of the Jenners won the prize for "most favorited Instagram photo of the year." All she did was lie down and pout while an army of make-up and hair people and lighting people made the silk purse out of the sow's ear.

Again, in the spirit of SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT ISIS, those religious fanatic loonies do NOT appreciate decadence or vanity. At least, not officially. Their idea of "holiday" is to not buy anything and grovel toward Mecca. Their only vanity might be to check the mirror and see how closely their skin color matches hummus.

The Prisoner, of course, IS NOT FREE (just 38 minutes of 6)

Ah, that "holiday" season of comfort and joy.

Some forums have offered free leech, which is so SANTA of them. But why buy movies, music or anything else?

Meanwhile, some daft company has converted "The Prisoner" into a radio series and expect buyers. HA.

WHO the FUCK would CARE? Without the long dead Mr. M. in the lead role, the show is hardly worth listening to FREEEE. Didn't an ill-fated new TV version prove that?

Yes, you can have multiple versions of Sherlock Holmes or James Bond, but lesser characters, such as John Drake, #6, John Steed, etc. were driven by the actor, not the role.

At "The Big Finish" website, they "generously" offer a carved bit of turkey...SOME of the first episode. Not all. You're supposed to be so enthralled by the actors carrying on, that you'll want to BUY the set.

BUY? I won't be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, de-briefed or...made to BUY anything anymore. My life is my torrent.

You get used to FREEEEE, but you also get jaded, because in these days of streaming, and give-aways and GooTube and whatnot, something has to be pretty damn special to buy. It has to be brilliant. Maybe it's something you give as a gift. Or it's packaged with "goodies" (like posters, autographed cards or buttons) that you can't get via download.

It also has to be something a lot less stupid than turning a highly visual show backward into a radio series. What next, The Avengers? Why not, we saw a failed movie version. That should beg the question, "When do we get all the episodes badly re-done as radio shows?? With idiotic bad actors and actresses doing their Halloween-like impressions of more famous stars?

Sorry, nobody's buying, because everyone's tapped out from Christmas shopping.

Thank Christ the fucking "holiday" is over, along with the freakish record high temperatures in various cities. Nothing says "Christmas" than going to Midnight Mass in just a shirt and pants. Or, for the usual tarts, a blouse and a short skirt almost at crotch-level.

For some, it was impossible to handle Saint Nick without Saint John's Wort. Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more. And sing no more fucking Christmas songs, especially "Wonderful Christmastime."

Christmas Time Can Be Hell

Yes indeed.

Some years, Christmas drags on, everything is depressing and irritating, and the heaped-on miseries of dealing with family, schedule changes, pressures to buy garbage, false giddiness, and the rest of it, makes you think I'M IN HELL.

This year? It's not just from within.

In some parts of the world, it's kind of hellishly warm.

Oh, 70 or 75 degrees out. Well, as Eric "The Smirk" Idle would sing it, always look on the bright side of life.

This creepy weather does mean that fuckheads won't be wandering around in 30 pounds of a Santa Claus outfit with a long red coat, woolen pants, heavy boots, and a big bushy beard.

Psychiatrist Got Strangled; Needed his Head Examined

"The heart wants what it wants," Woody Allen once said. He was explaining why an intellectual such as himself, with a bevy of beautiful and famous bed partners from Diane Keaton to Mia Farrow, ended up with a plain-looking pie-faced Korean.

I guess a psychiatrist in Philadelphia could've left a note behind: "In case I'm found murdered, it's not so much the heart wants what it wants. It's that the dick controls the mind. Over and OUT."

It's always sad when a useful person is blown away by some monkey moron. But when it was preventable? This guy wasn't walking down the street and assaulted by a simian jerk. He looked for trouble.

It's also pathetic when people who seem to be in professions that have the answers (priests, rabbis, psychiatrists, professors) end up unable to control themselves from doing completely stupid things.

This guy was married. He told his wife he was going to a Philadelphia Eagles game. Instead, he went hunting for a nasty looking street hustler, the exact opposite of himself. Not intelligent. Not caring. And, of course, not white.

His wife ain't having a Merry Christmas, huh? She thought she was set with a good provider who would always be there for her. Will she be able to go to a psychiatrist to deal with feelings of failure as a woman, and betrayal from a guy who turned out to be quite a poor judge of character?

Elsa Lanchester, who was married to Charles Laughton, accepted that he needed "sordid" homosexual episodes from time to time, but he didn't end up dead in a hotel room, a victim of bad judgment. Yet a psychiatrist didn't know better.

Oh well. You don't need a degree in psychiatry to explain this one. "Opposites attract."

Monkeyshines: The Celeb Hacker Who Isn't a White Nerd

Oh, it's usually a fanboy, isn't it? It's some Millennial white nerd. Maybe it's a snickering Russian or Swede.

Ha ha, a celebrity's nude pix were hacked and a) either everybody's seeing them or b) the creep did it because he's a "fan" and will now keep quiet IF he's paid enough. As in, "I'm doing you a favor. Hackers are nice people. They do it only to show you security leaks. I just think I should be compensated for saving you from being hacked by a really bad person!"

And blah blah blah.

But the "pride" was that the hacker was an elite white "intellectual," someone with brilliant skills. A criminal mastermind. You got the impression the poor dumb cops were being flummoxed by a Swede with savvy, a Brit with brashness, or an American who could've built an empire like Steve Jobs or Bill Gates but got more kicks by being an admirable rebel. Ooh, maybe a fat German Kim Dotcom.

But the latest hacker? Turns out he's from the fucking Bahamas.

Not good news is it, that some fuckhead from the Bahamas could hack into e-mails, or get celebrities to reveal their passwords.

It seems to suggest quite a future for just about any dumb bastard who can steal a laptop and get online.

It used to be that white collar crime involved whites. Ha ha ho ho hee hee.

Not anymore. Instead of looking in mommy's basement for an Anonymous hacker, the perp might be some ganja-smoking Jamaican, or some clod in Somalia.

Go use a program that "spoofs" your e-mail, hides your ISP or whatever, and you can join the fun in stealing medical records, hacking security at a big website so you can get access to a ton of credit cards, or at the very least, run a spyware program that'll suck every selfie nude photo from some bimbo's cell phone.

If a Bahamas man can do it, anyone can.

It's pretty rare when an ape gets caught. When it happens usually the deal is "Don't do it anymore," because nobody can prove that the ape did it. He grunts: "Somebody must've used my computer when I was out." It's too expensive to go to trial and "what are your damages? Everyone saw your shaved twat?" Besides, hackers are heroes, like Assange, because all information should be Freeeeeee. Just respect Assange's privacy.

In the real world, you wouldn't put a bicycle padlock on the front door of a bank. But that's what we have on the Internet, a serious lack of security. A lot of anonymity. Weak laws. A situation where even a Bahamas man with a coconut for a head can hack into major movie studios. If this guy wasn't a dumbass in his extortion demands, he'd still be out there. He apparently wasn't caught because his hacking skills gave him away. No, the hacking part, it seems, is SO EASY EVEN A CHILD CAN DO IT. EVEN A BAHAMAS MAN CAN DO IT.

Can we NOT do business on the fucking Internet? Damn hard to avoid paying bills, filling out forms, buying things, without dozens of websites knowing your credit card, bank account, birth date, and anything else needed for identity theft. How many hacked websites boasted they had perfect security and that customer safety was their priority?

"Oh, the Internet is so safe and convenient. If you go to a store to buy something, some illegal alien from Haiti might follow you, wave a gun, and make off with your wallet." But on the Internet, some guy from the Bahamas can rob you and steal your identity and you might not even know it will your bank account is wiped out. That's progress.

Jews Stabbed - An Early Christmas Gift For Nazi Rock Ghoul ROGER WATERS

If he had any Christmas blues, he doesn't now. ROGER WATERS got a lovely early holiday present.

The news? Innocent unarmed Jews terrorized by the usual Muslim sneak attack game.

Too bad ALLAH wasn't on the side of the Palest-eeeeenians, Roger. One of them was shot dead, and none of the Jews were killed. Oh well. Better luck next time. Continue your rhetoric aimed at scapegoating Jews and fomenting violence against them. Oh, and especially women and children.

Roger hates Israel. His beloved Palest-eeeeeenians deserve the land, he insists. After all, he's an Old Testament scholar, so he knows. What? He's just a burned-out no-talent rock moron who performs in front of drunken mobs of assholish hooligans?

Funny though, Roger the Humanitarian has a palace on Long Island, built on what was once Native American land. Whites came in and decided they should settle there. I don't hear Roger screaming about that. He hasn't given up his estate and sold it by lottery for $1.98 to Native Americans.

I think he might be downright upset of a group of Native Americans ambushed him on the street and stabbed him in the face a dozen times.

BUT...telling the world that Israel is the only apartheid nation? The worst country in the world? The place that should be boycotted?

Roger can't shut up about that. He'll wear his Nazi-esque uniform, skulk around with a pig balloon taunting Jews, and encourage racial hatred. Palest-eeeeenians and Jews living together? Not an option Roger wants to know about. "Get thee out, JEWS!" he bellows.

So he and his shower buddy Peter "Red Rain" Gabriel should have a little perky cheer at a time when most are experiencing tension, aggravation and the resentful holiday blues.

Peter Gabriel, the round-faced bald-headed King of Senility, gives you a good idea what Charlie Brown would look like at 70. Except Charlie Brown is noted for his "Charlie Brown Christmas" special, which suggested peace on Earth and good will toward ALL. Peter, on the other hand, would love Muslims to whisper "INTRUDER...INTRUDER..." as they sneak into the homes of Israelis and murder them in their beds. Don't you Pete?

BOY...it's the New York Softcore Porn Post

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"The Hateful Eight" Bootlegged by "The Entitled Brats"

The story is not WHO leaked it. What a stupid headline!

If you send out screeners, some office boy is going to make a copy, share it with friends, and one of 'em will end up tossing it to Kickass for a "nice comment." There's almost ALWAYS a leak of a screener, which is why smart companies don't even send them out and instead invite bigshots and reviewers to come to a theater to see the show.

The slant for this story is all wrong. The important thing isn't which copy got leaked.

The second part of the story isn't that important either.

Here, you're told about the "financial damage" done because millions of people are seeing the film free.

Uh, yeah. Try to convince anyone to cry for Quentin Tarantino, who is a millionaire. So are the stars of his film.

Quentin has become a millionaire without ME. I have NEVER seen one of his fucking films. I have no interest in his ugly, demented world. Or his ugly demented self.

Despite worldwide piracy and copying, Squiinty always seems to have enough money to make another lavishly disgusting film that people cheer for its violence and sick-headed sluts and morons.

The final part of the story buries the really important point, which is that there are websites that imperviously host stolen material, and there are gleeful punks who think what they do is heroic.

The story mentions some group of idiotic brats who get off on being so "powerful" they can spit at big corporations. As in: Nyaaah, we can steal your stuff and get away with it!

Brats who aren't creative enough to write scripts or act in them, or even learn how to be a fucking key grip or make-up artist, boast about their "creativity" in hacking.

This is sort of like a rapist thinking he's Casanova, or a graffiti asshole declaring he's up there with Rembrandt.

Huh? This is your revolution, ye of the dirty underwear and snotty noses?

Pirating "ALL OF THEM ONE AFTER ANOTHER..." is the boastful message.

Right, Power to the People. Free the Movies. If you can't be part of the solution, be part of the problem.

Meanwhile, kiddies, Muslims your age are murdering people with automatic weapons. What are you doing about that? Do you think people your age are saps for volunteering with Greeenpeace or a local ASPCA? You're big on stealing movies but isn't climate change more important? You're letting some other chav get to see a Tarantino film, but what's that do for the granny down the street slowly starving to death because the government isn't giving her enough to eat? You aren't even shoplifting at Tescos to bring her some food, are you, Robin Hood?

Isn't it a little pathetic that brats consider themselves revolutionaries and freedom fighters because they steal entertainment?

I haven't read the Robin Hood story in a while, but I think that guy gave money and food to the poor. He didn't steal bawdy novels out of "Ye Olde Bookshop" and hand it to snickering young pervs.

Here's a name most Quentin Tarantino fans never heard of: Jean Valjean. What did he steal? Was it video games? Was it dirty knickers out of Shauna Cuntwell's hamper? Did Jean give away every James Last album and Beach Boys single? No. He stole a loaf of bread.

Maybe Tarantino will be inspired to make a movie about the really "hateful" spoiled brats out there, and there are much more than eight of them.

Pissing away THE BEATLES starts Christmas Eve

And so this is Christmas, and what the fuck have you done, Apple Records?

The Beatles? What's so special about THEM? Stream 'em like anything else. Like piss.

"When the streams come, they ruin all the sales. Like piss slopped into pails...when the streams come..."

The magic of music involves paying attention to it. Owning it. Making a special effort to put a disc into or onto a machine.

Oh well. It's more convenient to pay a little to a giant corporation that screws the artist. Or pay NOTHING and have commercials between the songs now and then...with no disc jockey to hip you to indie good stuff or be a friendly voice.

I suppose the excuse for piracy will still be the same: why give money to The Suits. Spotify doesn't really support the artists any more than the record labels did. So let US steal the music and make a profit from Jerkyshare give us a nickel for every 50 illegal downloads, or a Paypal "tip jar" on the blog. And don't forget the "nice comments" for the Blogfather or the Zinfart.

Hey, how about streaming piracy sites? Even better. Just go to the website, listen to all you want, and nevermind the spyware that's beating your bootleg version of Norton and infecting your computer with programs that automatically steal your passwords and send your intimate photos to 4Chan. Wheee.

"Dear Sir or Madam, would you steal my stuff? It took me years to make, but what the fuck..."

Groupon Tells You - What's Hot and What's Twat

Groupon has caught on in America. Subscribe and they send you "deals" on overstocked garbage. Failing hair stylists, guitar teachers and shitty chain-store eyeglass places all use Groupon to try and get customers. Same with bad restaurants.

Groupon has this crap for people in every major city, and plenty of "deals" from awful online stores.

It's the local stuff that amuses me with how disgusting and unpopular certain events are.

Groupon quietly "papers" the house for events that people either don't know about or don't care about.

Like...THE CIRCUS!

Who goes there anymore? Little brats aren't impressed by trapeze artists or elephants. All they do is screech and bellow and want hot dogs and spill soda all over the place. Going to the Circus is VERY UNPLEASANT. Cruelty to animals. Unfunny clowns. Jerks all over the place, and parents making more noise than their brats as they shout, "Oooh, look look look, HUN..."

No wonder already cheap tickets have been reduced.

One reason I wouldn't chance most any of these horrible offers, is that you are STUCK in your SEAT. If you try to avoid some noisy disgusting slobs, and go find an empty seat elsewhere, you're told GET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED. Even if the seat is higher up than your original.

Another Groupon voucher offered two hours use of a skating rink. Oh, what fun, bumping into klutzes and being decked by show-offs spinning aroun). It was $37, which is pretty over-priced.

Another offer guaranteed "three hours of pinball" for just $15. WHO THE FUCK PLAYS PINBALL FOR THREE SOLID HOURS?? Well, that's why the pinball joint graciously cut their price in half. PS, they don't have "vintage" machines, just crap from the 70's onward. And what if the machine you want is occupied hour after hour by some obnoxious rodent-like geek?

These days, who wants to go to something dull and educational like the Air and Space Museum? What do you do, wander around The Intrepid, and see the inside of a submarine? No wonder it got reduced to $20. Not worth it even at that bargain price. First off, it's impossible to get to the place since it's way over near the river and only a slow bus comes close. Bill Hoobastank would tell you that paying $30 to get into a memorabilia show and look at the Batmobile is money wiser spent.

I was surprised there was a Groupon to watch The New York Knicks play basketball. Sports events usually sell out. The again, the Knicks aren't doing well this year. Even so, the average person isn't going to be tempted to watch glanduluar Negroes in flashy underwear, squeaking their sneakers and racing up and down a court slamming a ball in an obviously too-low net. The discount lowered the ticket price to ONLY $76, which is still very fucking expensive in terms of value for money. The only thing worse than the game itself is being surrounded by beer-smelly white oafs shouting at the top of their lungs.

Groupon! To paraphrase Kipling, it's where the best is like the worst.

Say Something NICE about ISIS

Look, if ISIS takes over the world, they will kill Kim Kardashian.

Toothpicks and That...Take a Dip in Blackpool

"I booked ourselves into that great British resort town, Blackpool!" exclaims Bill Hoobastank.

"Who knew it was off-season," gasps Shauna Cuntwell. "I didn't. I'm from Dublin. I thought we'd make good money busking in the street, but it was cold and raining, and nobody was around."

Shauna went into a local shop to check on the sale of Toothpicks and That CDs.

There were no CDs by the band for sale. Shauna said to the manager, "All you've got is a lot of tat."

And the manager said, "And all you've got is little tits."

Which wasn't the case with her obese bandmates! Bill went into Madame Tussaud's, and was delighted: "I paid an entrance fee, but I didnt have to pay to have my picture taken with any of the celebrities. Oh, I asked these guys, Morecambe and Wise, if they wanted payment, but they just smiled and didn't say a word! Say no more!!"

Bill didn't understand who some of the British celebrities were. "What's so great about this mousey twit, Louis Walsh?" he asked. Nobody could explain. But Bill took a picture with him anyway, along with Royals, gay rock stars, and Genghis Khan, who for some reason was posed standing behind John Lennon on an "Abbey Road" set.

During all of this, the ever-resourceful Barren Cocke was setting up the tripod, grimacing, and doing "consumer reports" GooTube videos on all the different meals he was having. He gorged on five breakfasts, lunches and dinners every day. He kept training his camera on every bit of gristle and fat. He took close-ups of himself chewing with his mouth open, and spitting overcooked peas out through the gap between his front teeth. He finally staggered away from a Fish and Chips joint, and passed out.

Says Shauna, "We thought Blackpool would do for us what Liverpool did for The Beatles. I guess we'll have to go back to begging money with Kickstarter campaigns."

Bill instantly handed Shauna $20. "OK," she replied, "but it'll be another $20 to take a picture with me."