CHRIS MARTIN of COLD GERMS announces "I might Play the SUPER BOWL!"

"You might think it's confirmed," says Chris Martin, lead singer of COLD GERMS, "but it's snot!"

The singer who regularly suffers from cold and flu symptoms, and always sounds anemic, isn't sure he'll be up to playing SUPER BOWL 50.

Here he is, suffering (along with his audience) through a typical performance, guzzling Nyquil, wearing a hat to keep warm, and suffering a stuffy nose and watery eyes.

"My microphone stand always has a bottle of Nyquil on it, for a slow steady drip. In fact, I'm a slow steady drip. If I'm being honest, I'm surprised the Super Bowl would choose a band that has so little energy. People clap their hands only when we're done, and stomp their feet as they leave."

Chris Martin, once married to a well-known looney, and who names his children after foodstuffs, thought that he and his band were on their way out. "You'd think any day now, there would be a report of me passing away in my sleep in a tour van. And here I am, getting ready for a bowl of chicken soup! I mean, it's the Soup Bowl. Something like that. Americans don't call their game soccer, do they? I know when they see Gwyneth Paltrow they call out SOCK HER."

Chris has started an intravenous drip of cold medication. He has assembled a huge collection of scarves and wool caps, and is practicing his patented singing style. This involves tilting his head back, crouching, and singing upward toward the microphone. Why DOES he sing like that? "It's good for my post-nasal drip, and it's the best way to keep the mucous from staying in my nose and not running over my lips!"