"HELLO?" Obese Housewives Rage That ADELE Tix Sold out in Minutes

After planting her stumpy legs on the "Saturday Night Live" stage and singing two turgid, dreary ballads, ADELE had done enough publicity to make sure America knew her album was in stores and she'd be lumbering out on tour.

So...

While most singers have trouble filling arenas, overstuffed Adele fans pigged out. Many porkers couldn't defeat the piggy-rigged Internet ticket system, which helps hacker-scalpers make a killing. Fat heads on Twatter began oinking:

At one time SCALPING was AGAINST THE LAW. Now in this age of no morality and Internet supremacy, huge Internet websites feed off each other. Ebay pimps tickets as does Stub Hub and others. Adele can shrug and feel flattered that clods will pay triple and quadruple face value to see her fat face and listen to her whale-bellows.

As a singer, this giant bitch is nothing much. There's no shortage of belters out there from Celine to Bassey and back. Adele's songs are tediously written to a formula, and more disposable than any of Elton John's pathetic bathos-ridden ballads. Adele requires two hours in make-up to stop looking like a sow, and that includes caked-on lipstick and burnt-pancake smeared on her cheekbones to give her the illusion of actually having cheekbones. All she does is stand around, since any movement could create an earthquake.

So what's the attraction?

She appeals to ugly fat women. They are dumped constantly. They feel bad about their weight. They see Adele as their heroine who can glam up and get even. They get a vicarious thrill at how an ignorant bint who speaks like a low-life dock whore keeps grinning and shrugging as the world dumps awards into her pudgy arms.

Who else does well? Rappers who attract a black audience that isn't afraid to go out at night. After all, if there's a fight, they're prepared. If there's a riot, so much the better, somebody can come home with a flat screen TV or a laptop.

Then there's Viley Virus and Justa Beeper, and Wan Direction...creepy teen-oriented acts that prey on parents who can't say NO. If you can't come through with concert tickets, and chaperone your brats to the venue (and sit in your car watching Internet porn till the show's over) you are NOT a GOOD PARENT. And your kid might shoot you in the head in your sleep.

What's that leave? Rich plumbers and garbage collectors who can afford scalped tickets to arena-rock assholes like Springstink and Roger "Toilet" Waters? Maybe rich old people go out to an oldies show on a cruise ship or at some tourist venue in Vegas or Blackpool? Live entertainment involving WORTHY performers...that's rare. It's usually expensive, or it involves a small cult encouraging someone to keep going while playing venues that barely seat 100 people.

There was a time when shows were plentiful and scalpers were few. But that was back in the 20th Century, when things weren't so rotten.