MICK, WOTTA LURVELY HEAD O HAIR YOU DON'T GOT

You remember Mick Bloodwyn Tull Turkey Abrahamhock?

He was in SO many memorable bands.

Christ, who can't get enough of progrock? I mean, especially British BLOOOOOOOOZE.

Gotta love it when these paunchy white guys do all that grimacing and gasping, like they're pulling taffy, or trying to open a packet of crisps.

While some of the greatest musicians in the world almost never changed expression even during the most demanding and intricate playing (oh, like Segovia, Horowitz, Rubinstein...) fuckheads playing British BLOOOOOOOOZE act like they've simultaneously had an orgasm and taken a dump.

What's more phony than British BLOOOOOOOZE that steals from all the blacks? A full head of hair on a 70 year-old.

That hair looks so natural. But it does come off pretty easily backstage.

At some point, somebody says, "Pssst, you look RIDICULOUS. Stop it."

RIDICULOUS, as in that stupid pony tail (Grooker used to wear one) or whatever bird's nest you've stuck on your noggin.

To give him credit, Mick wasn't wearing his wig on stage for that 50th Anniversary of The Onset of His Senility show that took place in some small club that Wendy James couldn't fill. He actually walked around looking like Curly Joe DeRita (of the gasping 70-year-old version of the Three Stooges). He left the strange-looking mop-look to his pal Geoff Whitehore, and some the other guitar "heroes" who flanked his cow-like body at the show.

It's always interesting the point at which a male star a) starts combing his hair forward, b) paints his bald spot, c) adds a small "piece" for the receding hairline, d) starts wearing a hat to hide the gradual transplant plugs, etc.

I can think of only ONE guy, and he wasn't a vain rock star, who was honest about his "rug," and sometimes wore it and sometimes didn't. That was Carl Reiner, who, if the part called for looking older, didn't mind being his naturally balding self for a film or TV role. (Compared to George Burns, who only took off the toupee when he made "Sunshine Boys," after 30 years of fake hair).

Kudos to those who suddenly get rid of the ill-fitting wig, and stop with the pretty obvious hair-dye.

One year, Artie's on tour looking like an old but typical eccentric. Next year? His luggage is lighter!