Father's Day and EBAY (the chloroform and rape fan site) is INSENSITIVE

Ebay? Insensitive?

You mean, the site that openly allows the sale of chloroform, sulfuric acid and bondage equipment? Just type in those words, kiddies.

Ebay? The site that has a secret "adults only" area that condones rape and gangbang fantasies of female celebrities? Photoshop torture pix and nude images of Jodie Foster, Jennifer Connolly, Jennifer Garner, Tina Louise, Barbara Eden and literally hundreds more??

Yes, I did get a spammy e-mail with that header. "YOUR FATHER CALLED. HE APPROVED THESE DEALS."

Was I offended?

Nah. I recognize the smug, hipster bullshit-writing of a Millennial.

I knew instantly this was a pushy sales pitch just a little whiter than the "I have money for you" e-mail pitch from some Nigerian Niggah.

The line, to me, is just a play on a worn-out David Spade (smirky 80's comic) formula joke. You've probably had jerks try it out on you, or somebody you know:

"The 80's called. They want their hairstyle back."

"Kim Kardashian called. She wants her butt back."

"David Spade called. He wants his formula joke style back."

The twist is "HE APPROVED THESE DEALS," which recycles the very tired line in every politician's TV commercial: "I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE."

Oh, to quote a Mylene Farmer song title: FUCK THEM ALL.

I do feel sorry for dumb people who thought long-lost Papa was trying to communicate, or for people suffering a recent Daddy death.

Mostly I feel sorry that all the hatred and resentment eBay may be getting amounts to NOTHING.

Everyone is still buying and selling.

Ask anyone jarred by "Your father called," and 99 to 1, they'll say, "Well, yeah, I'm still using the website."

Sure, to buy chloroform and bondage tools, and to jerk off to computer print-out Photoshop shots of Ashley Judd with sperm added to her face, and Elizabeth Gillies spreading her legs, and Emma Watson in pedophilia poses....