GRACE JONES new album "HOME ALONE"

Whatever became of Grace Jones?

First, you'd have to ask WHO THE FUCK IS GRACE JONES?

She's the woman Amanda Lear called "Vogue on the outside, vague on the inside." Meaning, this former model and Bowie game-player liked fashions, which cloaked an awful body.

Under the Vogue clothes, there was this vague androgyne, with a flat chest and flat ass. And given her usual cut-to-the-bone bonehead hairstyle, who could be sure that this wasn't in fact a guy with a very small penis? Only David Bowie would've cared to look.

Grace put out a few ridiculously campy albums making "fierce" expressions while the shitty disco beat thudded. One album did have her naked on the cover, and let's just say nobody was aroused by it, except record dealers in fag neighborhoods. "More, more, more," they cried (imitating Andrea True), "these are selling! Thank God for homos needing discos to replace gay bars for hook-ups!"

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I did like Grace's cover version of Flash and the Pan's "Walking in the Rain." But I was glad that when the 80's ended, there was no chance of Grace Jones continuing to be a preposterous provocateur. Or Bowie either. Or Piggy Op. Uh, Iggy Pop.

Imagine the terrible surprise of checking a friend's blog and discovering she's back!

In a chauvinistic attempt to remind people she's descended from the glorious Africans that include the Somali Pirates and the Procol Harum terrorists, she put on stereotypical African tribal paint.

Nevermind that blacks are trying to live down their savage ancestry, and convince people they are civilized and non-violent.

In a reverse-Jolson, she added white-face including white nipples and areola. The effect is sort of like seeing two Oreos that somebody stepped on.

Alas, she couldn't do much with the lower half of her body, which, since she's what, 87 or something, has rotted. It didn't help that Bowie went down on her, and with the passage of time, his saliva worked on her vagina like slow-acting sulfuric acid.

Bowie, a year younger, is married to a totally different black model. Imam, right? The same term that's used for the average Middle Eastern religious psychopath. Oh. No. It's Iman. As in, "I Man...or look like one. Or, like Grace Jones." Here's the cover of her new album.