This Tweet is REAL.
Let's go back to the event and hear some of the action as it took place.
AUCTIONEER: The bid is now $1000. Who'll make it $5,000?
ROBIN: Joe Frazier recorded a single that did not chart! I must bid! How many pounds is 5,000?
AUCTIONEER: 5,000 pounds is almost what you weigh, Robin.
AMY: Oh, another of those feeble jokes about currency pounds and weight pounds. 10,000!!
AUCTIONEER: That's your bid?
AMY: That's my weight! Would you hold up the auction till my Kickstarter campaign ends? I've asked people to donate 20,000 pounds so I can win Joe's jockstrap, and study it under a microscope and draw any bacteria on it. Or sperm. Or sweaty crusts. Yum! I'm getting hungry!
SASKIA: This item should be FREE! Just give it to somebody, FREE! Give it to MEEEEEEE!
AUCTIONEER: Please shut up! Bid is $5,000. Do I hear 6? $6,000 it is!
BILL: $6,020!
AUCTIONEER: Fat gurgling idiot! We don't take $20 increments.
BILL: 2001!
AUCTIONEER: Fat gurgling idiot! We're past 2001.
BILL: Nothing surpasses 2001. I've seen it over 2001 times! (Obscene grin) I'd love to own that jockstrap! I'd love to pose wearing it and nothing else, while I lick Spacefood off a dog dish!
ROBIN: Muffin licks my sperm off her dog dish! I clean dishes by throwing them overboard when I fish. But the dishes sink. I have not caught an eel recently except at Pleasuredome. The man wore a jockstrap but his eel was hanging out. Where are the Embassy records at this boot sale? 5,000 pounds could get me well over 10,000 45's to cart home.
AUCTIONEER: Escort that incoherent ninny out of here. This is a fine, fine jockstrap, folks.
SHAUNA: Are there any pubic hairs still on it? Did Joe shave?
AUCTIONEER: $7,000! DO I hear $8,000?
ROLAND: Attention everyone. Why bid on this tat when you can bid on mine? I've got authentic Chinese satin knickers worn under Barry Gooker's Mandarin costume from 1969. It's on eBay. So is one of my berets which no longer fits my swelled head. So is a circus tent that no longer fits Whitehorn. So is a cowbell once worn by Dunn's mother before she went mad, the silly moo. Look for them HERE,HERE,HERE and HERE!
AUCTIONEER: (Thanks Roland, for interrupting my auction, you egomaniacal twit). $9,000? Who'll say ten?
BILL: GURGLE!
AMY: Would anyone like to hear me read a chapter from "Pride and Prejudice?"
SHAUNA: Anyone want to hear me cover a Taylor Swift song?? How about a John Simon song? "My name is JOCK, and I live in a STRAP at the Greta Garbo Home for Wayward Irish Bints."
GRIMSBY TELL-A-LAUGH: Nobody is allowed to bid on this auction. No comments, please!
SASKIA: Guuuuyyyssss, anyone have a free jockstrap? It would make a nice scarf for MEEEEE!
SHAUNA: Guuuuyyyysss, don't waste all your money. Keep some so you can buy my songs on iTunes! Byeee!
ROLAND: A bid on Brooker's knickers has just come in from an eBay user named Knickerless-Pain! Oh, and Dunn's bid on his own mother's cowbell. What a good lad he is. (Thanks Geoff!)
AUCTIONEER: Sapristi! Item is SOLD for $10,200. All of you idiots get the fuck out of here! And you, Bill, stop drooling on that jockstrap!
BILL: GURGLE! SLOBBER! DROOOOOOOOOL!!!
GOOKER: AM I TOO LATE TO BITCH?
AUCTIONEER: What? Sir...
GOOKER: I'm not a Sir, I am a CBE, a Crabby, Bloodyminded Eccentric!
AUCTIONEER: Well, whatever you are, you are TOO LATE TO BID.
GOOKER: But I'm not too late to bitch! Good! I can't believe I lost the case. I can't believe that bastard in Croydon now gets a song credit. I can't believe I'm over 70 and look like a goat. I can't believe anyone would pay more for a jockstrap than my nylon knickers. I can't....
ROLAND: Oooh, your voice is still as powerful as ever! I've got a wet spot HERE, HERE and HERE!!!
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