SHAUNA OPENS ANOTHER CHANNEL

"Hi Guuuuuuyyyys, yes, it's happened! I've opened another channel! No, SILLY, I have NOT had anal sex. My manager Bill has, but that's only because his diaper got caught way up his asshole. What I mean is another GOOTUBE channel. One isn't enough to contain my talents!

"This series is being produced by Amy Wagstaff-Wetone, who can draw very lifelike pictures of diseases she sees under a microscope and under her dress. She is my "color coordinator." If I do something stupid, I look over and see if Amy's face has gone pale. Or if she's stuck it in a pail and is vomiting up her seven pound eight ounces of breakfast sausages and mash.

"You can NOT see the series YET, because Amy has started a DICKSTARTER campaign and we haven't raised the full amount (which is enough for everyone in Costa Rica to live on for the rest of their lives). I think Pay to Play, in this case, is only fair. It's not like you can find a lot of free content on GOOTUBE, or a lot of little bints showing off and then stamping their little feet if they don't get enough hits.

"So far, one well-heeled gent has actually donated some money: Lord Groper of Knees (thanks, Spike!) He promised another hefty donation if he could hump me while I'm wearing school girl socks (thanks, Rolf!) He has asked if I'd let him watch me shave. I said, "Shave WHAT?" And he got very excited. He's a Yorkshireman, and thought I'd said, "Shave T'wat." (thanks, Graeme Garden. Or was it Tim Brooke-Taylor or Barry Cryer).

"In my series, I will teach all young girls how to become flirty little tarts. It's easy to look nice. And not too expensive! (thanks, Knight Who Says Ni). I start off with basic items a girl can filch from the kitchen, like blackberry jam for mascara, cherry jam for lipstick, and flour for the foundation. Yummy!

I will include my patented "eye opening exercises" so that you'll have that empty-headed "eyes wide shut" look. (Down the line, I'll do my famous "one eyebrow raise," but that's VERY advanced!) I also will give girls confidence and explain that wispy, limp hair can be an asset, since guyyyyys like a girl who looks like she's twelve (thanks again, Rolf!). Lastly, if you're ugly, old and spindly, and smell bad, and want to call attention to yourself by standing next to me or playing keyboards on my songs, FUCK OFF! (no thanks, Roland.)