Reasons to be an Angry Nigga, Part 3,000,003

There are people who get paid to stir up trouble.

Piers Morgan comes to mind, of course. Most journalists. Asshole Assange. The list goes on.

If you're a "charity," you rush to the newspaper, and GoFundMe and your Farcebook page constantly, to alarm people with the injustices against your cause. "Give! Give! Look what they're DOING!"

I donate to a charity that feels I never donate enough.

That's why they send a quarterly newsletter, and even occasional "SPECIAL REPORT" letters, whining, "Look what's happened now! Isn't this awful? Send us a check..."

Over at the Daily Snooze, they PAY a Spike Lee-type of sulky, obnoxious black to be their Nigga. Several times a week his "column" manages to find something to bitch about.

Funny (not) the headline in today's Snooze was about some white guy who was racist to a black. It was a racial crime. Let's tell it like it is! Another story, about a white woman gang-raped and murdered by blacks, had NO mention of racism.

Let's NOT tell it like it is. A stupid white bitch runs away from home, wanders around Florida, gets sweet-talked by an oppressed black, and ends up being pimped out, brutalized, and eventually shot when she tried to escape the shanty-shack they'd penned her in. Nah, not racist at all. Just because white meat fetches a lot more money on the pimp market? Nah.

In the same issue, this asshole goes wayyyyyyy back in time to start grumbling that he'll NEVER stand up when "The Star Spangled Banner" is being played.

He started with three incredibly boring paragraphs about how you can't enjoy your peanut butter sandwich when you discover the restaurant has a failed rating for cleanliness. And here he was, enjoying "The Star Spangled Banner" all these years (more than anything by The Supremes or Stevie Wonder) and NOW he's nauseous. Keee-rist. PS, who the FUCK orders a peanut butter sandwich in a restaurant?

Got that, Whitey? Are we all on MY side, MY NIGGAS? Let's all pointedly SIT DOWN and GRIMACE when "The Star Spangled Banner" is being played.

What next? Alcoholics Anonymous joins in, because the music is actually copped from a British DRINKING SONG? Shouldn't we be more SENSITIVE than to swipe a melody off a DRINKING SONG?

More from the moron:

I'd say MY NIGGA has worked himself into a lather, but a lather is usually WHITE. None of THAT.

Shall we take a closer look at this pebble-head's complaint?

First, he whines that a MISSING stanza NOBODY knows about is racist. Don't we get points for NOT including it in the song? Whoever mated Key's poem to "The Anacreontic Song" either thought the lines WERE racist, or were just not important.

So you're getting angry over what ISN'T in the fucking anthem.

What IS in the anthem, is a reference to the bravery of soldiers in the fort, who risked their fucking lives to keep the flag on that pole. The British had DEMANDED that the flag be taken down OR ELSE. Now, OR ELSE was happening, and even with "bombs bursting in air," and the flag getting a bit shredded, men were ready to DIE for this SYMBOL.

Were there blacks in that fort? I have no idea. Maybe there were. But this clown conveniently glosses over the fact that the British had grabbed a lot of SLAVES and had them shooting at and killing AMERICANS.

Gosh, "Key despised them." He despised the blacks who were trying to shoot him and his Patriots. What a crazy thing to do, put in a stanza about black slaves being handed weapons and gleefully told to murder Americans. I guess that's as irrational as being one of the bold Americans who wanted to live in FREEDOM from any fucking KING, and would put his life on the line for that.

Our Daily Snoozer declares that Key wrote the poem SPECIFICALLY to scream about niggers who had joined the enemy. The poem was not called "Dirty Rotten Niggers," but "The Star Spangled Banner." It was about the FLAG STILL WAVING. The line about nasty blacks turning around and joining the British, was one stanza.

Lastly, we're told Key was "a stone cold bigot."

Somebody took his temperature? How "stone cold" was he?

And how do we know Key never fucked a black woman (like Jefferson did)? How do we know he never did a nice thing, like tell somebody, "Hey, stop whipping that slave so much."

This columnist, PAID to grumble about Whitey three times a week, declares he'd found racism in the writings of Mr. Key. Mr. Key wrote that Africans were an "inferior race." Guess what. He wrote that over 200 years ago. Hitler declared Jews an "inferior race" less than 80 years ago and half the world still believes THAT.

MUSLIMS say EVERYBODY is an "inferior race" but THEM.

Consider that people are STILL bigoted. STILL backward. At least cut some slack to people who were not enlightened in an age when people had no idea if hell was actually below the ground or not, or what "germs" were, or if, via scientific proof, one race could donate blood to another.

Blacks hate it when they're called "gorillas" or "monkeys," but IF YOU WANT TO BE HONEST, that's what they looked like to 18th Century white people. Black faces. Flat noses. Gutteral noises. Vachel Lindsay wrote in "The Congo" of "their basic savagery."

If you want to go back 2000 years instead of 200, the same ideas were being declared about the Jews, the hairy Scots, the vicious Moors and the death cult Sikhs. Savages, every one. If you go see the musical "Cabaret," there's a scene of a man dancing with a gorilla, moaning that people don't understand his attraction to her. Why can't people accept that he's in love with...a JEW.

So people were ignorant a few centuries ago. Let it go. Many people RIGHT NOW still think God is in a cloud, that masturbation is dangerous, that vaccines should NOT be given to children, that homosexuals are mental cases, and that marriage between two races or religions is awful. So give a break to morons from centuries ago who didn't know better.

It's a fucking miracle that with sensitivity and intuition, and aided by a certain amount of assimilation, whites such as Abraham Lincoln, whites comprising at least half the fucking country, began to view slavery as wrong. America went to bloody war because half the nation believed these strange looking people with the nappy hair and flat noses and blue-black skin were actually just like anyone else. They recalled the Shylock speech from Shakespeare, when Jews were considered as some form of evil. But go ahead, be petty and obnoxious for your paycheck, and find a reason to go into a rage. "Hey everyone, let's NEVER sing "The Star Spangled Banner" again! Damn!!!"

Does this guy from the Daily Snooze ever write a column about those fucking Westboro Church jerks who insist "Gods Hate Fags?" Nah, that's out of his line of interest. He's ONLY concerned with BLACK problems. Seems a bit...RACIST, NO? No compassion for anyone else?

"Hey, I've found another thing to be a pissed off Nigga about. A guy from over 200 years ago was ignorant and didn't think blacks were equal to whites. He didn't like slaves shooting at him on behalf of the British. So I'm not gonna stand up when his lyrics are sung."

And how do you feel about Wagner's operas? Or Roger Waters and "The Wall?" Or "The Bill Cosby Show?" Do you go around checking the biographies of everyone to see if they ever said a racist word, ever committed a crime, ever did something wrong, and if they did, insist that their art is tainted, too?

Oh, we say...FUCK and OFF. In another generation "The Star Spangled Banner" will be replaced by a banging drum and a chant of "Allah Akbar." Or maybe "La Cucaracha." Or the latest rap from President Kanye West.