America's Got RINGERS - the fraud of AGT

"We're discovering new talent!"

"This is what America's Got Talent is all about!"

"It's amazing, in just a few shows, look at how you've grown as an artist!"

"You have a phenomenal voice...if you make an album I'll buy!"

These are some of the typical remarks the judges make...as they shill and lie and pretend that most of the finalists aren't already professionals! The sneaky question nobody ever addresses about Slimy Towell's "Got Talent" shows is just WHO is eligible and why. The British version, for example, had "The Regurgitator" on, a novelty act guy who swallows goldfish and coins and things and barfs them back up again. He's been on TV, at the Montreal "Just for Laughs" festival, and has been a touring act for a dozen years. The American version had comedian John Wing, a 40-something who has been on the comedy club circuit most of his life, and on TV as well. Ventriloquist and million-dollar winner Terry Fator was likewise, out there polishing and performing his act for a dozen years or more.

The show promotes itself as some kind of amateur hour, a show where people who always had a dream can just sign up, audition, and win a million dollars. What a promotion. Let's suspend our disbelief and disgust, right?

The three most impressive acts I saw on the show were Cami Bradley, Taylor Williamson and Kenichi Ibina. I sensed Kenich was a ringer, because he was doing elaborate dance routines involving back projection and technology...very expensive stuff. Sure enough...

The guy is a professional. He has a website. He's not even American...he came over from Japan to win this. Which he did.

The other two were new to me, and in the bio segments preceding their auditions, AGT made sure to present them as RANK AMATEURS. Cami was pictured as just a wife whose husband was urging her to give it a try. Nothing could be further from the truth. She has a website, and while competing...you could already buy a CD on iTunes! My idea of an amateur is someone who hasn't the money or connections to make an album yet. Taylor Williamson, a comedian with a nerdy persona, was not only funny every time he performed, but showed no fear of ad-libbing in front of the judges and bantering with them. Like a comedy club pro, Taylor picked on Heidi Klum the way he would a drunken ringsider, and decimated her with quick put-downs and embarrassing gags...pretending to be in love with her, making fun of ex-hubby Seal's name, etc. Taylor also had an iTunes album for sale at the time he was pretending to be an amateur, and his AGT bio didn't show him performing in comedy clubs, just at a deli in front of one or two people for a gag.

Yes, I kind of wondered how, with the enormous pressure, so many of these "amateurs" could perform so well. Cami Bradley had ALL the moves. A combo of Farrah Fawcett and Olivia Newton-John, she has a voice that requires years of performance and training to achieve, and she knows how to flirt, tease, put on the sexy stare, and then act humble. As Sam Spade used to say, "You're good...you're very good."

And yet, Howie Mandel sat there in awe, talking about how she's an "angel..." a budding "Superstar." As if she materialized out of nowhere, a humble, scared housewife unsure of herself. Oh, bullshit! This girl looked like a pro the minute she sat at the piano, the second she tilted her eyes wickedly at the camera, going from innocence to lurid allure like a seasoned porn star. Part of the "magic" for me as a viewer, was being seduced into thinking this was a virgin performer...somebody at the same level as Marty Brown, a country singer who was tricked into showing up at the audition by his wife and signed up only because she insisted. Marty, incidentally, cracked under the pressure, missed some notes, was off key, and barely made it the next round.

Is it fair that Cami Bradley and Marty Brown were competing on the same stage in the first place? It's one thing for an "amateur" to maybe have had many years performing in churches and schools...and another to have spent years taking lessons and practicing if not actually performing anywhere...and ANOTHER to be a PROFESSIONAL.

You might remember the case of Jim Thorpe, a Native American who had his Olympic medals taken away after it was discovered he had played semi-pro ball for a few dollars. That happened back in the early days of the last century (he died in 1953). It was questionable that he had his medals taken, because playing football for a few dollars doesn't have much to do with competing as a runner. Now? Now the fucking Olympics allows Serena Williams to compete! How does allowing professional basketball and hockey teams jibe with the spirit of the Olympics as not-for-profit, as a place where amateurs, college students...get together in the spirit of sportsmanship and fair play?

Another Top 12 guy, Branden James, played the gay card, as did quite a few other contestants. He was another of those, "I'm gay, and my parents don't approve, but I'll be strong..." types. Whatever. He sang in that shitty pseudo-opera Broadway music-crap style...and did "The Impossible Dream" as well. But unlike another "gay guy who sings opera," who was fat and nerdy and tearful and scared because he WAS an amateur, this fucking Branden James guy turns out to be a full time pro, faking it as a humble amateur. He has a pro website which notes:

"The California native has become increasingly sought after on the worldwide stage in the concert arena and opera house alike. His career has taken him now to more than 20 countries, professionally. Branden trained at The San Francisco Conservatory of Music in California and further held private studies in New York City. He has performed as a soloist with many major American symphony orchestras and has sung most notably with Los Angeles Opera, The Metropolitan Opera at Lincoln Center in New York City and at Lyric Opera of Chicago.

A regular soloist for the Los Angeles Lakers, Mr. James has had the honor of singing the National Anthem for scores of celebrities, dignitaries and fans at the world renowned Staples Center. As a recording artist, Mr. James can be heard on the soundtrack for the film REPO-OPERA starring Sarah Brightman and Paris Hilton and is recorded on Decca Records as The Magi on internationally acclaimed composer David Conte’s award winning opera, The Gift of The Magi. He is also recorded on the 2013 release, Zelda re-orchestrated."

A pro, and he was fake-sobbing at every audition about how he hopes he can continue his "journey?" Every time he advanced, he promised to "do better" and told all the gays watching, "don't give up on your dream..." Yeah? His dream has already been fulfilled. He's a full-time performer with a long resume. Yet he and AGT and the judges were tricking people into thinking he was just some love-deprived amateur who somehow has a fantastic voice and gosh, maybe if he wins, he'll be able to get on stage somewher.

This guy was such a fake. As the judges burbled and squealed and did the usual "we've discovered greatness" and "you're on your way to fulfilling your dream" crap...he just soaked it up with an arrogant smirk. I had a feeling he was not what he was pretending to be...an amateur with no training, just hoping to be accepted by his family and to hold his head up high for having taken a chance on stage.

The best judge the show's ever had, Howard Stern (Piers Morgan finishes second) would often burst a bubble, tell an honest truth, or be tactfully neutral ("You did your best...you gave it your all..."). But I didn't hear him say to a Cami Bradley or a Branden James, "Your years of singing lessons have paid off..." or even "This show will give you national exposure which you deserve after headlining locally and putting out a few indie albums..." It was always the fakery of "That's what our show does...we DISCOVER TALENT." But not like the amateur talent shows of old.

So many times the judges said, "You keep improving, stepping up your game..." like in a few weeks these contestants magically transformed? No, it took years for a Bradley or a James to get to the polished level. It wasn't "learning as you go." What a fucking arrogant devious prick this Branden James was. When he was finally eliminated, he was hardly crushed. No, because he was just going to go back to his paid gigs. So he smirked, told everyone not go give up on their dreams, and snickered about getting home "to my partner Billy." Like he suddenly had gay pride all due to the ovations he received from naive audience members who thought he was a brave newcomer fighting nerves and insecurity and amateur doubts.

I didn't check on any of the performers till after the finals were done. I wondered, hmm...does Cami have a site? Will Taylor put out an album? Are my suspicions about Kenichi justified? And, to quote John Lennon, I..."I FOUND OUT." And I say to AGT, "JUST GIMME SOME TRUTH!"

But they wouldn't dare. It's "entertainment" after all. It's the gray zone between reality TV and total fiction.

I just don't think it's very fair that real amateurs have to compete...and lose...to the pros.

On the positive side, the voting at least, wasn't totally nauseating and predictable. The irritating Branden James didn't make it to the Top 6, and the obnoxious trio FORTE, who also specialized in shitty familiar opera arias and lame Broadway show tunes, finished fourth. Taylor Williamson finished a surprising second to Kenichi Ibina, which may have reflected how strongly judges Howie Mandel and Howard Stern screamed and railed against singers winning the competition, and how Taylor, and Kenichi, were much more original. Ironically last year's final two were also...a professional full time comedian, and the winner, a professional trick dog act that had been in business for years.

America's got...con artists. P.T. Barnum great-grandchildren. Slimy Towell for a producer, wiping up the profits with an extremely slick and undeniably hyper and fast-paced show. It's entertaining...but it's also...DISGUSTING. Unless you suspend your disbelief.