British vs American Food : SOD OFF vs FUCK OFF

Kristen Herhold...go fuck yourself. To the website independent.co.uk -- SOD OFF!

Aren't we all tired of essays about American vs British slang??

Can't we also have a moratorium on STUPID articles in which some twit or twat from here or there describes what they like or DON'T like about the other country's cuisine??

For NO reason, the dependent (they need interns) Independent gave a ton of space to Kristen Herhold, a noodle-brain from Colorado happy to spill thousands of ninny-words about what foods she liked or didn't like, and what colorful expressions did or didn't surprise her. Like her fucking opinion means a hill of crisps. Or fries.

The only thing more boring than this cunt's writing (I use "cunt" in the American slang) would be having to sit across from her at a dinner table.

PS Kristen, is that any way to hold a fork?

I'm told that's the grip you've usually used to jerk guys off (or "wank" them off). But it makes you look like you're 5 years old. The moronic pseudo-fashion scarf only raises it to a schoolgirl-ish pretentious 13. Your writing is about at the level of a 13 year-old.

Your opening sentence not only doesn't grab the reader, it doesn't even make sense:

"Born and raised in Colorado, I had never been to Europe until this summer."

Is everyone born and raised in Colorado forbidden from visiting Europe except in summer? After they look to be at least 13 years old by wearing a scarf?

"I will never forget much of my time here," you write. I think you might do well to forget all the times you sat on the loo, Kristen. Although maybe you didn't do it too often, as you're so full of shit. (Or, "shite?")

Your article is SO full of boring, opinionated drivel....

"How much fresher all the food is here than it is back home."

Watta surprise. YOU LIVE IN COLORADO! It takes a week and a 40 Mule Team wagon train to get a flounder to you!

"Everything just tastes so much more natural."

Right, you were sucking off British sailors, not Denver cowboys with a lot of dirt and smegma under their foreskins.

"I hail from the country that has practically elevated the burger to a national emblem...(but) I concede that the burgers I've eaten in London are easily among the best I've had."

That's the mad cow talking. Everybody has an opinion and it's worthless. Why would I take the word of a dimwit from Colorado who is not a food critic, barely out of her teens, and can be impressed at all by anyone pushing meat through a grinder? It's not difficult to make a hamburger! PS, some of the most famous burgers in the world, like the ones at Jackson Hole...are actually awful, in the opinion of experienced gourmets and restaurant critics. Which doesn't mean that a dumbass tourist isn't going to grin and love 'em.

Need I go on and make notes on the second part of Kristen's limp essay on what she did on her summer vacation?

Most of it is that BORING BORING BORING BORING BORING "you say biscuit, I say cookie" stuff...

Feel free to click on the image below and read all of her essay. Anything entertaining in there is unintentional!

OK. If you've wisely avoided reading the rest of the article, I'll just highlight a few more of this girly's more garish gaffes:

"An Englishwoman next to me ordered tea with milk, and I thought that was the strangest thing in the world."

Wordy, isn't she? Nobody in Colorado does this? This girl has barely left her home or her straitjacket.

"Fish and chips here are famous for a reason and I'm completely converted."

Yes. Your face looks like fish and your bustline looks like chips.

"I live in a typical American university town and the bars there have incredible specials."

Right, so that idiot chicks like you end up face down the next morning with a pretty good imitation of the Pompeii lava flow trickling between your thighs.

"In America, I can find much better Mexican food."

Yes, and you can find Mexicans much better, too. Face it, puta, in that regard, England WINS.

"Delectable melted white cheese...I hated being deprived of it all summer." That's a problem between you and your gynecologist.

"I enjoy waiters coming to check on me and seeing if there is anything I need."

That's also a problem between you and your gynecologist.

"I always forget to say biscuits, rather than cookies."

And I sometimes forget to say woman rather than airhead. I'll ignore the stuff about free soda refills (never found this to be common in America), the "jacket" vs "baked" potato, etc, or to even bother agreeing about the strangeness of mushy peas or limp bacon. I'll just cut right to the end when Kristen says "I love peanut butter." To which both Brits and Americans would both say in unison, "UP YOURS!"