Kannibal Kanye Would Eat Katholiks - CeeLo is Just a Rapist

Reading the "entertainment" pages, you'd think 90% of America is black. The news seems to always be about KANYE, CEELO, etc.

But that's like saying that just because so much of the reported crimes in the papers are committed by Blacks and Latinos, that Blacks and Latinos must commit a higher percentage of crimes than whites. Which...is better left unsaid.

On this blog...we simply combine these two facts, and come up with this: most of the Black and Latino entertainers get into the news because they commit the most outrageous and atrocious and acts, some criminal, others merely crimes against taste and class.

To be fair, there are whites in this picture too...like Kim Chunkass-Booty Kunt-douchian and Viley Virus. It just happens that they're aping blacks when they engage in their grotesque and anti-social behavior.

The outrages for the day?

First, Kanye, the Kannibal King. He eats up everybody's time and likes to pout his anus-lips like he's just bitten off some photographer's finger.

Kanye tossed a Jesus lookalike onstage and shouted "White Jesus, is that you?"

Wuz dis guy dissin' Jesus on his Yeezus tour? Probably, but he could spin it any way he likes because he's got scrambled brains. The man designs leather skirts for men, after all, and is so far away from reality he treasures Kim Kardashian, who has been used for more shit than the toilet in a Harlem Burger King.

One thing is certain, Kanye has more sense than to say "Mohammed, is that you?" You won't see Big Bold Kanye telling Muslims he's a genius, or that they should skip the burkas and wear his designer black leather skirts instead.

Bill Donohue, president of the largely invisible "Catholic League," sent out a press release saying "The guy has some issues," which probably aren't back issues of "Canticle Magazine" or "Catholic Answers," two of the better known mags for Jesus freaks. Donohue added, "the sooner he (learns more about Jesus, and about tolerance) the less likely he will play fast and loose with Catholicism." Which sounds like he's about to ask some of the Italian Catholics to step in and send for Mikey and Guido to break some kneecaps.

In a very un-Christian bit of judgment, Donohue cast an extra stone: "West is a classic rip-off artist with limited talent." A rip-off artist? You've already seen "white Jesus" standing around on a rock stage before? Sure you weren't at a Ted Nugent show having sipped a little too much sacramental wine?

And what can Kanye do that you'd approve of?

I've got it:

Kanye brings Judas Iscariot on stage instead!

"Judas, is that Jew?" Kanye shouts.

Then he raps as only Kanye can: "I could buy and sell ya, both you and ya donkey, I got mo' than 30 pieces of silver you mutha-fuckin' honky."

Then Donohue would tell all Catholics to go to the show. He wouldn't witlessly drag Kim Kardashian into this:

"It's time he asked Kim to throw him a retirement party."

That's a zinger?? Bill Donohue, all I can say is...get yourself some Jewish comedy writers! You ain't gettin' invited to a Comedy Central roast with that lame-ass bit of secular suck. Put it this way, even Pope Francis wouldn't say "Who am I to judge?" He'd say, "It's NOT FUNNY, and I wouldn't have laughed if you said it in pig latin!"

Nice try, though. It's important for groups to speak out, and for minority groups to let other minority groups know that it's not just certain minority groups who have feelings that can be hurt. Christ, yo!

Now, today's other asshole in the news: Ceelo.

Is it so surprising that a guy whose head resembles an overgrown potato, should have problems dating girls?

Yes. The fucker is filthy rich. Riches attract bitches.

So what happened here? One of two things. This particular bitch wanted to show she wasn't a pushover on the first date, and he knew he couldn't score unless he drugged her...

OR...in an old school move from the Bill Cosby playbook, he just got off on sneaking a date rape drug into her drink, and his turn-on had to do with rendering a woman helpless rather than the bore of getting laid just for being famous.

You remember Ceelo, he had a hit song about a guy taking away his girl: "Fuck YOU, and FUCK HER TOO!" Seems like a level-headed fellow to me...I mean, if you forget that his actual head looks like a half-deflated basketball after it's been bounced down the side of a road and into a garbage dump.

Fortunately, so far his arrest and probably prosecution has NOT caused the producers of "The Voice" to fire him or even temporarily suspend him. That would be such agony...all because he slipped some girl ecstasy.

The producers of "The Voice" no doubt spent a morning in church pondering, "what would White Jesus do?"

And the answer, to both Kanye and Ceelo, would be, "Fffffffff-FORGIVE YOU, and FFFFFFFF-FORGIVE HIM, TOO!"