Win The Lottery Or Take it Up the Ass at YouTube

Here's a happy looking shit-face.

What's he so goggle-dazed and fuckwittedly cheerful about?

OH.

This is TAY, who, like the asshole William Hung on "American Idol," and like that fat fuck-up with his stupid "Gangnam Style" dance that everybody laughed at, HE was a one-hit wonder with some piece of shit song or other. "Diarrhea Rain," wasn't it?

CNN reports that the best get-rich-quick scheme on the Internet isn't sending spam e-mails from Nigeria, or throwing every Beach Boys song on a blog with a link to Fuckyhshare or Megaplopload or some other "we steal from the artists and give you some pennies" cloud service. You're supposed to...work, work, work, finding inane novelties to post to YouTube. That'll make you a millionaire.

Which is like telling every illiterate twat-faced housewife to knock off a "50 Shades of Gray." It's THAT EASY.

Just make a fucking fool of yourself like THIS dimwit, Mr, Benzine, pulling faces and appealing to 20,000 or 30,000 easily amused cretins.

The CNN piece says THIS guy (Mr. Benzine, aka "Wheezy Waiter") is making a living on YouTube. Oh, really? Consider that 30,000 viewers would get you canceled if it was a local radio show. Consider that YouTube does NOT pay anything until your video reaches five or six figures, and pays mere PENNIES, to anyone who isn't a Viley Virus and has a viral video scoring MILLIONS of hits. Also consider that nobody is watching YouTube and can verify the number of hits...you just TRUST IN GOOGLE.

Let's read more of this promo bilge from an Internet website log-rolling for another Internet website...

That's about enough, isn't it? You like the taste of YouTube Kool-Aid? You don't know by now that the weasels who run YouTube (ie, Google) are worse than Jim Jones ever was?

Sure, join the cult. Join Scientology with their promises of happiness, and they take all your money, turn you into a zombie-slave in a compound beyond reach of the police, and your life is over. Join Jim Jones in his brave new world and when it collapses, drink his poisoned Kool-Aid and think that you'll all have a happier life in heaven. Shall I mention David Koresh? Kim Dotcom? Adolph and Benito?

Back to YouTube, those kind and generous drones who work for GOOGLE...the ones that are always looking out for YOUR interests...

Did you hear the rumors that YouTube will be getting MORE loaded up with "make money for Google" ads? Yeah, you want to check out the latest hilarious viral video of Viley Virus twerking an elephant's trunk, and you'll have to endure pop-ups, "crawls" at the bottom of the screen, a few banner ads, and maybe a 30 second wait before you see anything at all except the fucking Geico Gecko.

Oh yes...and Google is considering CHARGING PREMIUM for seeing certain high-profile YouTube accounts at all. In other words, they want to go to the same terrorist tier game that cable companies like Time Warner use. Oh, we'll give you THIS shit for free, but THAT shit...get your credit card out and sign up!

Now, the rest of this CNN shill piece offered more "get rich quick" come-on crapola. I've edited it down...here are just a few testimonials CNN found, that make you think that wasting your life hoisting shit on YouTube will pay off:

CONJOB TESTIMONIAL #1:

The Denton, Texas, YouTuber who only goes by the name Laina hit it out of the park with her very first video parodying "Beliebers." It made her an Internet meme for what became known as the "Overly Attached Girlfriend" face, which earned her more than 844,000 subscribers, a full-time YouTube career that pays her bills, and an invite to appear on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon."

For Laina, comedic YouTube videos come naturally. "To be honest, most are done in a day," she admitted. "I generally come up with an idea the day before, or maybe not even that early, and I write, record, and edit all in the same day. And to be honest, I've found that that's usually best."

CONJOB TESTIMONIAL #2:

"Double Rainbow" fan Vasquez was invited to appear at a high school in Iceland after his video got 38 million views. "They toured me around the country, made me a festival where they sang, danced, did a play, made me a mural and a throne to watch it all. The parents came out, they made me protector of the student body, decorated the school in rainbows and after the performance surrounded me, hugging and kissing me like I was a king." "AdSense alone pays my phone and Internet bill," he said.

"I was a starving artist, for six years, prior to going viral, I made $6,000 a year or less breeding dogs, doing photography, eBay and cutting firewood. When I went viral, money started coming in from TV ads that I was in, the Gregory Bros. 'Double Rainbow' song, (which I still get checks from), licensing my videos, and public appearances."

YEAH.

Think like a 13 year-old. Try and figure out what 700,000 or more utter MORONS are going to want to see every fucking day. Don't for a minute think you'll burn out in a month, or that the fickle "YouTube community" will suddenly turn you off, spam you, call you a bore, or even hack your Facebook and Twitter if you happen to say or do something they don't like.

Goggle-faced jackass "Benzine" insists...

"There's a deeper connection between the creator and the audience than with traditional media...YouTubers are talking directly to the camera. This gives the audience a sense that they are talking directly to them.

"We're in the middle of a time of big change in the entertainment world. This could turn into something even bigger or I could be left in the dust. I don't know. I'm enjoying the ride, though."

Enjoy being one in a million, wombat boy, the same way one in a million has diverticulitis.

We all know the truth. The music world, the book world, the film world, the fucking YouTube world or the Lotto creeps...they'll dangle any kind of carrot or brass ring, and they'll make it glisten. Just handle enough fertilizer and you'll get that award winning rose; get stung by enough bees, and you'll enjoy the sweet life selling honey...just work real hard every day "building up" your Tweets or your Facebook friends and you'll become FAMOUS. Just provide a ton of free entertainment on YouTube and it'll become your career!

Oh. And nevermind that if your YouTube post gets 1,000 or 5,000 or 10,000 hits, you will NOT get a PENNY. Just keep going. While Google is making money every step of the way.

Mmmmmmmmmm, KOOL-AID. Don't mind that strange after-taste. That's the cynical voice telling you "DON'T FALL FOR IT." But the drug is already in the system. Internet greed is in your veins. You've got the same goggle-eyed dazed look like that little monkey Tay has in the photo above. Like Scientology, if you reach the top levels of GOOgle, life is GOOd. You're a GOD. But everyone further down on the Pyramid, God help you.