Janis Ian Can Have some Roasted Guinea Pig

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I like little Janis Ian. I have her autobiography. I have several of her albums. "In the Winter" is as sensitive a song as can be written about a stalker-psychotic. And as for "Society's Child," her biggest hit, sure, lots of white girls fell for hit-and-run black guys who knocked 'em up and walked away. But then there's Kanye and Kim.

As for her recent yock on FARCEBOOK that Spanish-speaking people are all thin and Americans are all fat? While it's true that America only recently became the fattest nation (behind MEXICO), there are a lot of delightfully skinny people in Ecuador and throughout South America where guinea pig-eating is cheered.

The Ecuadorian who killed Adrienne Shelly and deprived the world of a brilliant writer/actress/director wasn't fat.

And the fabulous Julian Assange, who believes he can hack into anyone's computer because HE makes the rules on "transparency" and "Freedom of Speech," he is still sheltered by the embassy of Ecuador. Nevermind that hacking computers in Ecuador would not give you ANY intelligence information whatever.

If our tiny Lady of the Guitar wishes to remain at the same weight as she did "At Seventeen," she just might want to stay away from awful-awful American food and enjoy CUY.

That's the term for a cooked GUINEA PIG.

Immigrants from Ecuador and other banana republics have gotten the New York City Parks Department to stop their silly rules about cruelty and safety, and allow BARBECUE. What jogger wouldn't want to inhale barbecue smoke while running around the park? What kid wouldn't be fascinated by the sight of a guinea pig, impaled through the asshole and up the mouth, being cooked by a thin Ecuadorian?

Over on GooTube, where documentarians work for pennies, a Swedish woman added cooking and eating guinea pig to her travel videos. She is hoping one day to get hired by PBS or the BBC or somebody to star in a travel show for a big budget. But, ha ha ho ho hee hee, why would ANYONE pay a big budget to ANYONE these days, when the result is FREE on GooTube and a camcorder works just as well?

Ah, here's a charming guy explaining that GUINEA PIG is a native dish. Note the toilet in the background, so people can make an instant run for the bathroom.

Here is our lady from Sweden picking out her dinner. Yes, they've got cages with live guinea pigs that are just waiting for a loving oven to warm themselves in.

Somehow, we missed the scene where the little cutie is killed and "scalped" of all its adorable fur. But here's the result. Do NOT consider someone from Ecuador to be savage for finding this sight mouth-watering!!

Lookin' GOOD! This is the GREAT thing about immigrants. As Janis Ian pointed out with her FARCEBOOK post, Oscar Wilde was so right about Americans being barbaric. Unlike the civilized folk of Ecuador. Unlike the immigrants who routinely kill goats for a sacrifice, or pigeons, or squirrels. The cops don't dare disturb these illegal aliens (we all love illegal aliens) who have such a colorful culture.

Let's ALL have some guinea pigs for lunch! There's enough for EVERYONE, si? SI!

Maybe Janis Ian can write a song about the joys of immigrant culture, such as fatwa, jihad, and killing what some foolish Americans consider to be pets.

"At 317 Degrees" might be a good one. All about how baking and eating a guinea pig can clear up a girl's pimples and make her more attractive to immigrant boys.

It's kinda sad that these immigrants don't kill and eat rats. There are PLENTY of rats. But these people are way too civilized for that. As Oscar Wilde would surely point out if he was here (and be quoted by Janis Ian) Americans are SO uncivilized many are now even vegetarian. The fools. Hippos are vegetarian. Civilized fellows watch the butcher slaughter animals and then take home the pieces for fine dining. And don't forget a nice, fatty dessert made with lots of cream!

Ecuadorians would laugh at Americans and their inane ideas about gluten free food or avoiding carcinogens caused by smoking meat or staying away from MSG or GMO's. They'd also suggest that all Americans who are obese (that would be almost all, except Janis Ian and maybe Art Garfunkel) could lose plenty of weight by cooking up guinea pigs a few times a week. And any still-observant Catholics can enjoy a Friday dinner of guppies and goldfish.