She included a photo to prove she's a WINNER!
Yes, she's AVAILABLE, Guyyyysss. Here's her simple list of demands!
I'M LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND WHO:
1. Will text me good morning (even if I'm on the loo and he's in bed in the next room).
2. Will apologize after a fight if he's pinned me to the ground and I can't get up because my butt has me suction-cupped to the floor.
3. Will kiss me, even when I'm making noises like a duck and he needs pliers to part my lips.
4. Will make me laugh by rolling over my pubic hair with a lawn mower.
5. Will take silly/cute pictures of things he puts in my twat.
6. Will start a conversation to cover the sounds of my farting.
7. Hugs me from behind because he's got arms longer than a gorilla.
8. Respects me despite 50 pounds of belly flab, five colored children under the age of six, and the tattoos on my tits that say BROTHERS GRIMSBY.
9. Won't flirt with other cows. Won't walk other dogs. When I ask him for oral sex won't climb on the Boulebard Avenue Bridge in Grimsby and refuse to come home.
10. Won't rush things and try to get his hand in up to the elbow.
11. Won't get clingy when there's a hurricane and he needs something sturdy to hang onto.
12. Won't lie to me and tell me I'm pleasingly plump.
13. Gives me compliments, like a complimentary order of fries to stow in my crotch before we get to the movie theater.
14. Doesn't laugh when my head gets stuck in the popcorn carton.
15. Isn't annoyed when people say to me, "Can I have your autograph, Mr. Chisora?"
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