New D-Lister Show? HOOBA HOOBA HOORAY!

"It's ME, grinning porcine BILL HOOBASTANK! I know, I've been keeping a low profile (for a fat slob). I was depressed by the debacle of my music managing career and being part of Toothpicks and THAT. I'm ready to become my HUMBLE self, and worship anyone who was ever on TV, in a movie, or mentioned in a tabloid.

Nothing thrills me like posing with someone FAMOUS! Here, I paid $20 to get an autograph and SIT next to the ACTUAL DAUGHTER OF BORIS KARLOFF!

"I'm using this blog to tell you that the Hollywood Show is less than TWO MONTHS away, so save up your money and get your airline and hotel reservations!

"YES! Over FIFTY CELEBRITIES. As much of a old fanboy geek as I am, I must admit that 80% I never heard of. Some were maybe in one episode of "Star Trek," like the three twats who dressed in green body paint to play aliens. WOW! That makes them SUPERSTARS! To me, anyway.

"Remember an 80's sitcom, "Charles in Charge?" I sort of heard of it. I'll be thrilled to witness the joyous REUNION of cast members, out of work for years, sitting at a table together! I'll be part of history and get autographs at $20 each!!

"I'm already drooling through my clenched teeth thinking about meeting THESE stars!

"YESS!! Child actors! A woman who had a bit part on "Star Trek" with two other painted bimbos. Some guy who was on a soap opera. And more

"Never heard of them? I admit, I never heard of Collier and I never heard of the show he CO-STARRED in with a bunch of now-dead character actors. He's still done more than I've ever done! Granted, the average American hasn't heard of 40 of 50 "stars" here, and wouldn't PAY an admission to go see them and wouldn't PAY for an autographed photo, but there are a lot of star-struck losers around. If you don't believe in Allah and the hereafter, believe in Billy Mumy and nostalgia! Magic: somebody you remember from your childhood has appeared in person. Older. Unknown for decades. But right there for you to compliment and buy a photo from.

PS, I've saved the BEST for last. You might not know the name, but you'll recognize the face! HERE!!

"Jesus Christ! He hasn't changed a bit.

"I know some of you aren't wealthy, or you can't go anywhere because you're in a wheelchair and wearing adult diaper. You have enough trouble telling some nigga, "I need to be changed, and please, take Kanye off the TV screen and put on a Deanna Durbin movie." If you can't leer at these D-listers in person with a grimacing smile, don't worry. You can BUY an autograph by mail. Some prices are so reasonable, because these people know that nobody ever heard of them, and $10 or $15 is better than nothing.

"You've heard of a FEW of these people, haven't you? Nicole Eggert. Wasn't she the first to add raw eggs to yogurt? Pepe Sema. Isn't he the guy you see if your Sema is becoming lethargic I sure remember "Lost in Space" co-star Angela Cartwright! Don't tell me you wouldn't pee your pants to tell her how much you admire her, and humbly pay her $20 for an autographed photo! Hell, I just peed my pants remembering how I peed my pants buying a photo from her!

"I'll enjoy trudging around like a zombie, paper shopping bag in my hand, digital camera in my pocket, wallet bulging with $20 bills, having a day I'll remember as long as I pretend to live. Wow. And just think, one day in the future, given the quality of these celebrities, you might find yourself at a memorabilia show featuring Shauna Cuntwell and Barren Cock and Amy Waggle A. Stiff Wetone and even ME!"