EAGLE of DOUCHE BAG - Too Bad he Lived

You know that lame band that was playing in Paris?

It's really a shame...that one of those guys wasn't shot through the fucking head.

REALLY. THIS GUY.

Here's how I wish it went down:

ISIS storms the place with their machine guns and bullet-proof vests and hoods. They start spraying the place with bullets and innocent music fans hit the floor. Some are dead. Some are playing dead.

Up on stage, the hero band member whips out his gun. Not used to any kind of pressure, not used to firing the weapon, his first shot blows the head off some fan as she tried to run out the door. His second shot goes wild.

Before he can fire again, the ISIS experts have trained their automatics on him, and have turned his face into Swiss Cheese. He drops to the stage. DEAD.

DEAD.

Now why do I wish this for him?

Because he's dumbfuck enough to think that if HE and a few others in the audience had GUNS, it would've made a difference.

WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

Maybe a shrink can explain a moron like this.

He feels guilty? Impotent? Angry? So he thinks, "Damn, if I had a gun, if EVERYBODY had guns, it would've been different..."

Fool. The more who have weapons, the more it's the wild west, with people shooting each other. Right, Jesse, everybody should have guns "until nobody has guns" because they're all dead. Tell me about the ghetto neighborhoods where every muthafucka has a gun and they shoot 'em off and kill babies and children with stray bullets flying through apartment windows. What do you want, Jesse, a 5 year-old to own a gun? When he hears gunfire in the street and niggas firing at each other, before the stray bullet knocks his brains out, he rushes to the window and picks off the two or three perps? And doesn't hit a bystander?

How does having a weapon help in these terrorist situations where, in a split second, bullets are flying 20 a second? Most of these terrorists (like the prick who shot up the Colorado movie theater) are wearing bullet-proof outfits and hoods. They've got automatic weapons, and bombs even. They are well trained, and cool in a crisis. They have surprise on their side.

What's with these gun nuts and their nitwit dreams of glory?

Jesse thinks everyone should own a gun? Nugent thinks that way, too. How about the off-duty cop who shot somebody in a movie theater in Florida. Why? Because he could. He had a gun. He told the guy in front of him to be quiet. The guy in front turned around and sassed him. Next thing, the cop's shot the guy dead. It wouldn't have happened if he wasn't carrying heat.

No, the last thing we need is MORE hot-headed morons walking around armed and dangerous.

If this JESSE asshole wasn't wearing his BONO shades and his scruff, and acting like a fucking Nugent cowboy, I'd feel sorry for him. HE survived with his shitty music, while 90 people who paid to see his garbage ended up dead. So he's grumbling about "if I only had a gun, if some of those fans had guns..." But he's SERIOUS. DEMENTED. Long after the incident's over, and he's insisting he has no bad dreams or trauma about the event, he's coldly suggesting that everybody on the planet own a fucking gun.

Too damn bad he wasn't armed that night so he could see, just before he got his eyes shot out, that being armed against terrorists does nothing.

Maybe this asshole will go create a super group, "Rage Against the Machine Guns." And at every gig, he'll show up with a six-gun strapped to his hip, and nigga bodyguards surrounding the stage with semi-automatic weapons. How KEWL.

And boom, in the middle of the show a bomb goes off destroying everyone.

Oh, too bad, Jesse. Didn't figure on that, did you? What's your answer? We should ALL be carrying bombs, too?

No, the answer is gun control. It's arresting jerks with automatic weapons. It's severe penalties for gun crime. It's metal detectors at the door. It's ANYTHING but some fucking cowboy douche bag packing heat and pretending he's Buffalo Bono Bill.