Fat Un-Classy Adele : SHIT HAPPENS

Oh, England's most famous fishwife says "SHIT HAPPENS." Is it OK for newspapers to repeat that? No. She can TWEET it. But it becomes "sh*t happens" on all the classy sites like the Daily Fail, the Decidr, The Newser, The Plagiarist, The Huffy Post, Gawkr, Fartr, Stealr, etc.

While, sad to say, the GRAMMY awards apparently went off VERY well, and all the world's morons could cheer the shitty winning music of Sherrin, Swift, Lamar, and other assholes, ADELE FAILED.

ADELE THE UGLY PIG-WITH-LIPSTICK, the MAD COW that ESCAPED, is nothing without good lighting and a tricked-up microphone. She's basically just an ugly blob, and that's what she looked like as she stood in the spotlight while the music sputtered.

For solace, yes, she thundered her thighs over to an "In and Out" Burger take-out joint. America is LOADED with greasy burger joints. In a country that pours Coca-Cola just like vintage wine, Americans are especially proud of their fatty fast food. Celebrities are prone to grinning and confessing to an "addiction" to "In and Out" burgers, or the junk a few other trendy chains turn out. It's all long-dead COW spattered with oil and butter, and dumped on a sugared-up bun with sugar-loaded ketchup and/or gobs of fatty cheese. It's what many affectionately dub "a heart attack on a plate."

So dull ADELE let everyone know that she chowed down on her relatives (COWS) as solace for being a disappointment.

To the glee of people who don't know what good music is, Taylor Swift triumphed singing her garbage. Mop-headed overgrown gnome Nut Sherrin triumphed. Monkey du jour Kendrick Lame Brain Lamar triumphed. Shrewd Lady Gaga made sure to shine with special lighting effects BLOWING into her face and making her look like BLOWIE.

The remaining leather-faced Eagles dragged in saintly Jackson Browne as a sub for the late Mr. Frey, to sing "Take it Cheesy" in honor of what is now just an arthritis-colitis-riddled corpse. The Bride of Frankenstein herself, Bonnie "I'm Gonna Have This Elsa Lanchester White Wave in My Dyed Red Hair Till I FUCKING DIE" Raitt sang a tribute to Fat-Belly Jefferson. Or was it Tummy-Rumble Leadbelly. Or was it B.B. Sits-in-a-Chair-and-Jerks-off-a-Guitar King?

No, didn't watch the show, didn't catch more than a minute of the news-burbling about it, and I will probably be cursing the time I wasted when I actually bother to listen to the "new artist of the year" and the great "album of the year" and "record of the year," just to Keep Up with the Trashians.

I can't say I was a fan of the Grammy Awards back in the days when Andy Williams would win over The Beatles, and The Fifth Dimension would sing about beautiful balloons. But back then, they DID take time to honor jazz and classical music, and some of the songs were actually SONGS that had LYRICS and a MELODY.

PS, I'm glad that apparently the world's ugliest and fattest and grossest woman in the music world (aside from Aretha the Fur-Clad Yetti) did NOT win anything. I refer to the nameless mammy from Alabama Shakes. And believe me, with that disgusting orange elephant stomping around, Alabama not only shakes, it nearly collapses down to HELL. Fuck you, whoever you are. The world has enough ugliness, fake soul and ear-splitting garbage. And no, my idea of a good time isn't "Take it Cheesy" by the Browne-Stained Eagles, either. Fuck the oldies, too.