Every FUCKHEAD Deserves an AWARD

Yes, as an astute blogger pointed out, it seems it's "award season," and it seems that if you can't extort the Oscar, Grammy or Bafta people into giving you an award JUST because you're a Nigga or a Fagga or a Dragga, then create your own awards show. And expect all the straights to buy commercial time to show they care.

I was thinking of creating my own AWARDS, but these things can get pretty corrupt. Or they can be copied. The guys who created the "Golden Turkey" awards for bad movies saw themselves ripped off constantly. Every movie or TV columnist began doing "Turkey" awards, or switching it up to some other derogatory term like the "Razzies."

I'd have to copyright and trademark my sarcastic award. Then I'd have to guard against corruption if some cable company offered me six figures to actually put on a show they could broadcast. How ironic if I'd then be rewarding assholes by bribing them to show up and get their fake honors! After all, what's the fun of an awards show if people can't give speeches? The "Razzies" have actually gotten so big that humiliated actors and actresses acknowledge and accept their "prizes." It's GOOD PUBLICITY.

The main reason so many celebs show up at awards shows is they are given $10,000 or $50,000 or more in "perks." They get free transit, hotel, the works. Just getting an "award" is NOT ENOUGH for them!

Hmm, mock EBAY awards?

Yes, I could easily point out some of the freaks, losers and morons over there. How about this category: MOST BLATANT TRANSVESTITE FRAUD-SCAMMING PHOTO THIEF?

It's THIS GUY, who pretends to be the SAME GIRL under FOUR DIFFERENT IDENTITIES. THESE are just the two most recent:

Yes, this scammer had an eBay employee chuckling in surprise and disgust. "So," I said, "here's the same guy using two identities to be the SAME girl. SHE is in Virginia in one ad, and in Colorado in the other. Where is he really located?" "I can't tell you!" "It's the same guy behind these and two other aliases, right?" "We can't give out that information, but you can read between the lines! All I can say is now that we are aware of it we will take the appropriate action."

I could fill a fucking FOUR HOUR TV SHOW with fuckheads like this, many of them successful or at least, like some fat douche in a Windmill, getting caught but not punished enough to stop. How about "BEST AT COMING BACK WITH NEW STUPID IDENTITIES, GETTING CAUGHT, AND COMING BACK AGAIN?" Haven't I previously mentioned a Dutch asshole selling porn DVDs with no box covers, over and over? His two IDs still haven't been suspended. He could come back again.

Ebay tells me, "You might notice a seller not having any new material. That's because he's restricted." Oh. So in a few weeks he's off restriction and does MORE. The Dutch asshole might be restricted for a month. That means he can come back. Even a suspension can be appealed.

It's so aggravating that even if you want to avoid these pinheads, you can't. There are so many and they are so OBVIOUS.

If you get a kick out of surfing eBay's "something weird" section, your amusement ends when you see yet another of these stupid "day in my life" auctions, especially when it's the same creep using yet another identity. Same deal with a forum, where the same jerk keeps posting nude Laura Bush photos and chortling about "I just HAD to post it" AGAIN. Or he uses his 50th identity just in case somebody doesn't have that Levitt & McClure album he loves to give away. You're not LOOKING for assholes, but they get in your face, and they SMELL.

Then there's that Wendy James lunatic. Does he deserve a pat on the back or a punch up the conk? Why become such a demented stalker as to run daily pix of some poor, trashy bint who is tripping over her high heels, pathetically posing with anyone who isn't going to spit on her, and who has to literally bend over backwards to take a nude photo where her 50 year-old boobie-bags don't sag to her navel?

Who deserves the AWARD more, a delusional no-talent slut or some guy desperate to insist he's not a fag, but spends most of his time writing poison-pen bitch-witchery on a woman he seems to be jealous of?

At what point does the hunter become the hunted, and the cunty become the cunt? It's one thing to gleefully point out that a has-been punk singer has had to cancel a bunch of shows, and that she is playing dives when she does manage to play. It's another to do it relentlessly. To what point? You want to see her commit suicide, and write a final note saying "I'm being Internet bullied and stalked and can't take it anymore?"

Or did he sell her a bag of coke and she didn't pay up? You wonder when general misanthropy and anhedonia narrows to become a daily attack on one ridiculous hag. And if you want to laugh at her for still wanting attention at 50, I can point you to some horror-show women 60 and 70 who turn up at memorabilia shows so a Bill Hoobstank can pay 'em $20 for an autograph. And if they do get a $20, is that a sign of failure or success?

What if Wendy disappears? You can bit THIS guy would spend his life taking a bus to a train to a bus to a train to hide in the bushes with a telephoto lens and take photos of her. "Ha, that'll teach her to try and disappear! Protect her privacy? Hell no, let the world see that she's lost her looks!"

I've no doubt Wendy is probably egocentric, erratic, and a user, but making her such a huge part of your life doesn't say much for you. Running photos of yourself to piggy-back on the fading fame of a has-been is pretty sad.

Or as Shatner once put it, "I get it, NEVER WAS talking about STILL TRYING." Indeed: "Has Been implies failure. Not so. Has Been WAS. Has Been MIGHT AGAIN." Which is more than you can say about a snark who only has a wordpress blog and no creds in the real world. Except, what, using a few aliases on eBay to pretend to be a girl selling "day in my life" photos of HERself?