Cameron and Queen Elizabeth salute "Great Anti-Semittain" - Jews, please LEAVE ENGLAND

I hear that Cameron is working on an automatic statement regarding anti-Semitism in Great Britain.

It's a tape loop of Graham Chapman saying, "Please, SHUT UP."

"Jews have been attacked..." "Please, SHUT UP."

"The rise of Muslims in England is distressing..." "PLEASE, shut UP!"

"Muslims get Halal food in school? What would you offer Jews?" "Spam, spam, spam, spam, PORK and Spam. PLEASE, SHUT UP!"

Any further problems, see the Chancellor of the Ex-Kiker, who makes ex-Kikes out of living ones.

"Nice look, the Norwegian Jew."

"That's an EX-KIKE! It's a stiff! The only reason he's standing is because he's got NAILS in his palms!"

"JESUS!"

"Don't tell me HE was a HEBE, too!"

Some kerfuffle about Jews being attacked by a drunken mob? Why would that be of concern to me and my dog Muffin? Besides, I've got more important things to do, like watch the ceremonial million-dollar funeral for King Richard III.

All seriousness aside, the fate of a few thousand Jews in England means almost as little as the fate of a few thousand Jews in France.

All I can do is paraphrase the great defender of the Jews, Ray Davies.

Who cares if your Jewish, and your breath smells of garlic and your nose is incredibly long?

And we both love our money and we're incredibly tight...

I don't watch the news of people tormenting the Jews once I turn off the living room light...

Anti-Semitism in England. Cor Blimey. Watta surprise.

I think the only thing the English don't blame on the Jews is the Muslims. But I'm probably wrong, because if it wasn't for those fucking Jews, and horrible Israel, the Muslims would stay in their sandbox, where the Arabs chew on their dates. The only reason Muslims came to England is to get away from the noise in Israel. All those explosions when Hamas blows up women and children in pizza shops in Jerusalem....Arabs are sensitive to noises like that. I mean, if Jews want to scream, they should do it behind the closed oven door. I think I'm quoting Neville Chamberlain.

Always look on the Kike Side of life. If the Brits weren't tormenting a bunch of emaciated Hebes quivering in a synagogue, they'd be picking a fight with the Irish, and taking a real risk of getting hurt.

Hopefully Cameron will assuage all fears by pointing to half of Daniel Radcliffe and saying, "Please remember that this fellow, who once played Harry Potter, is half-Jewish. Please also remember he is NOT playing Harry Potter any longer, so fuck the Jews. You Muslims over there, stop beheading our soldiers. PS, it was rather naughty of some of you, setting off bombs on public transportation a while ago. I appreciate you haven't done it since, and in return, I will do my best to prevent EVERY British citizen from ever singing "Jerusalem" again."

What was that Allan Sherman song?

"Won't you come home, Disraeli, won't you come home..."

No, no, it's GO HOME, Disraeli, and take the rest of the Jews with you, IF I'M BEING HONEST.

Lastly, please, Piers Morgan, do NOT defend the Jews with a Daily Fail column, they are in enough trouble.

Oh, for the days of the topical 45rpm single...