Choking the chicken and Flogging the Python

Maybe it'll replace the juvenile Internet idiot term "fapping." I mean, "flogging the python."

Right now, the latter only refers to Eric the Idle (and his pals) taking every opportunity to coyly remind everyone about their totally non-commercial PARODY of being overly commercial.

As long as you add a few self-effacing lines about nobody remembering the show, and being old farts, what the hell. Then it's as hip as ever to do Monty Python's obligatory sell-out fake farewell tour and Spamfest. Or whatever it is.

What is it THIS time? It's the 40th anniversary of "Holy Grail," so, holy shit, let's celebrate, and make fun of celebrating it, and make fun of celebrating it to call attention to these guys having nothing better to do.

"Get out your catch-phrases, get out your deadly near-dead catch-phrases..."

Yes, it's time to use the well-worn Monty Python formula to be self-effacing and obnoxious at the same time, something Eric Idle in particular has been very good at doing for well over four decades.

Who is to say that nobody wants to see these guys waving and walking into a movie theater?

There will be a crowd of morons wearing those fucking Mr. Gumby handkerchiefs on their heads, and shouting retardedly.

Nobody booking this "festival" appearance doubts that tickets won't be SOLD OUT. There are plenty of utter losers who will be driving in, or even flying in, and then showing up at the fucking theater in Sir Arthur garb, cantoring on line while smacking empty coconut halves together. And they will roar with forced laughter over every familiar line, if not shout the punchlines at the screen.

And yes, if they are able to (and most Python fans are no longer getting instant erections at the sight of Carol Cleveland), some may even FAP (ie, "flog the python") to the charmingly vintage Ms. C (aka "Naughty Zoot") as she utters an immortal cry of..."Oh SHIT!"

The Pythons and their fans (I would be in the second category, even if this piece is snarky) want to desperately prove relevance. Even if Mr. Cleese has false teeth, even HE would like the world to think that the old movies still have bite.

Really, do we want these young punks to think that comedy on film has to star Will Ferrell? Adam Sandler? That REAL COMEDY is the 40 Year-old Virgin getting his chest hair pulled off, and NOT some wordy professor being killed by a sword stroke?

I actually saw "Grail" a few months ago, and it did hold up, mostly, although I didn't find any reason to laugh out loud. A lot of the satire might even hold up for this new generation of vipers. A fuckhead soldier willing to keep fighting even with his legs cut off, seems pretty close to the ISIS mentality, doesn't it? The French are still obnoxious, aren't they? Most people are still basically cowards, right? "Run away....."

Even so, it's been 40 fucking years of utter twits ruining the movie by selling bootleg t-shirts with "Knights who Say Ni" on them, and saying, for absolutely no good reason or context, "Bring me a shrubbery."

There's also a faint whiff of bullshit in the air when people are being self-congratulatory. After all, these guys are essentially throwing themselves a party. It's not like the Academy Awards people are honoring the movie, or the Kennedy Center. It's JUST the dopey Tribeca Film Festival looking for an excuse to pretend that running shitty indie movies means something.

No, I don't think many films Tribeca's run over the last few years, have had ANY impact whatsoever. The Tribeca Film Festival is just a sooty, colder, East Coast attempt at being the Sundance Film Festival. Instead of increasingly pruney Robert Redford (aka The Orange Death) for an avatar, they've got Robert DeNrio. Yes, every year dour, squinty, semi-literate and mumbly Robert DeNiro makes a few appearances at the festival, telling reporters he lives somewhere in the area, loves New York, and that indepenent films are important. And since nobody under 50 cares, now they're going to try for the over 50 crowd by saluting "Grail."

Wasn't it just a few months ago that the Pythons announced they were DONE? That their live show was IT? That they would NOT be getting together again for ANY reason? "No we didn't." "Yes we did." "No we DIDN'T."

So there's a fucking documentary about the rather disappointing series of staged sketches they did for a week last summer. And any time there's a 40th anniversary of anything...Grail, Brian, Meaning of Life...they'll be back, joking about how they're still alive?

Pretty deadly.