"Her name's Miranda, she's a double-amputation fan...." Nevermind. NOBODY is going to get THAT reference. (Mr. Ochs...obscure vaudevillian song about marijuana and Rudolph Valentino...)
Gee, one of the richest bitches in country music took time out to SIGN A WOODEN LEG.
I'm not knocking Miranda...I know nothing of her brand of shitty music (she ain't Juice Newton! Not even Mindy McCready!). I just wonder why there's always BIG INK for stories like this.
It seems SOMEBODY just happens to tell the media "guess what THIS STAR did." Or even better, there's a camera crew following the "celebrity" who is visiting that terminal ill kid in the hospital. There's the camcorer squad from TMZ when a rocker invites that guy with Alzheimer's to get wheeled on stage so he can hear a chorus of "Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow."
You'll note that these stars are NEVER shown giving away MONEY. No. They don't want to have their Twitter or Farcebook account inundated with "How about ME" requests. But if it's a STUNT? You bet. And you can bet the media would've said, "Mmmm, signing a wooden leg? Not too interesting. Wait. She's a DOUBLE amputee? And a KID? And it's Miranda Lambert?? We're in." In other words, if it was Danielle Peck, they'd say, "Oh, not a big enough name. She's probably just doing it for the publicity and WE won't be USED like THAT."
So we get stupid shit like: "Oooh, Ed Sheeran surprised a bint at her third or fourth wedding," doesn't he look just like Boris Becker's butt!
What next: "Oprah went to the incontinence ward and left a roll of paper towels under everyone's seat."
There are stars who do a lot of nice things and never ask or want publicity. They go to schools, they visit burn wards or other places with less-than-photogenic needy people, they write out money orders that they have a secretary send anonymously...and don't seem to have this need for the entire world to know how NICE and CONDESCENDING they are.
Most people just DO IT. I donate to charity, and don't make a fucking fuss about it. I don't go on Twatter or Farcebook and say, "I just donated...so should you," or had my PUBLICIST "leak" the story, as in: "Guess what THIS wonderful guy did, that he's too modest to tell us about..."
I wouldn't be surprised if Juice Newton sent 50 gallons of juice and 100 boxes of Fig Newtons to some needy kids around Christmas in Kentucky somewhere. She just didn't feel like calling attention to herself. Maybe a few years ago Mindy McCready brought some guy back to her hotel, a guy who bought a ticket to one of her shows, using the money he was saving to hire a hooker for his annual birthday sex. Now THAT is putting the CUNT in COUNTRY music.
Meanwhile Miranda's manager is probably e-mailing a few hundred amputees, "Sorry, Miranda can't make it to your house to sign a fake leg. And no, don't MAIL one to us, even with return postage. However, if you can make it to one of her shows, and you bring a cameraman, something might be arranged...
"...PS, if you're male and have lost your arms and legs, don't by at the stage door and shout the "Hey, I rang the doorbell didn't I" gag. Miranda ain't Mindy McCready!"
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