Religious Fanaticism Part 2: "BURNT OFFERING" -- Was that Some kind of Joke?

I don't think the sickest comedian on the planet would've called the 7 Orthodox Jewish kids who died in a fire a "burnt offering."

To who? To G-D? WHAT the FUCK would G-D want with seven burnt Jews? He already has six million lying around from the 1940's.

And yet, at the funeral, the FATHER called his dead kids a "burnt offering."

And you thought religious fanaticism couldn't get any crazier than thinking G-d can be fooled by the old "not using the stove, but keeping food warm on an electric hot plate" trick.

That IS the trick, by the way. G-d doesn't want you to use a stove for cooking on the Sabbath but...if you keep a hot plate on, and simply, "FORGET" to turn it off, that's ok. It's ok because technically you didn't TURN IT ON and disobey G-d. You just didn't TURN IT OFF. Got that?

Pulling a fast one on G-d. Well, "The Chosen People" can get away with it. Most of the time.

There's a reason so many Jews are lawyers, huh?

But listen, the Muslims and Christians and Scientologists and Amish have PLENTY of rules that are AS insane or WORSE. ALL religion seems to involve deprivation, bizarre outfits, a dash or two of misogyny, reasons to endure seemingly pointless hardship and fasting, and even killing other people, preferably of anotherreligion.

Still, this horrible story from Brooklyn had Jews, Gentiles, Atheists, even a few Muslims wondering, "How will a rabbi comfort a man who has lost SEVEN of his children, with the 8th AND his wife in the hospital suffering from burns and smoke inhalation?"

Right? Isn't this a terrible, terrible test of faith?

It turns out, the rabbi didn't have to say anything. Religious fanaticism is its own reward.

Yes, the same religious fanaticism that caused a totally needless loss of life, also helps in coping with disaster.

If you're so brainwashed that you believe in a God who allows misery and suffering and destruction of your home and family, then you believe in heaven. SO...your kids are with God. In heaven. It's a better place than Earth. And nevermind why God would make Earth so rotten in the first place.

That's how what seems like such a bad joke, "BURNT OFFERING" became an inspiration line at the funeral.

The mourners (including 2000 sympathetic strangers of all denominations, who stood outside to hear the services over loudspeakers) heard that these seven kids were a "BURNT OFFERING." They were "SHEEP."

Amazing. Truly astonishing. Dov Hikind, the politician who represents that Brooklyn district which is predominantly Orthodox (as he is), told reporters that he thought he'd have to find some way to comfort this poor man. He thought he, or the rabbi, would be facing the tremendous task. But, he said, the miracle was that the man himself inspired and comforted everyone else with his incredible words of faith.

There you are.

Top THAT, Muslim maniacs. That was an incredible line, "Burnt offering."

Doesn't it almost make you wish you weren't a Realist, and could just trick yourself into going along with SOME religion? And don't cop out with the Buddhist shit. Or "there's something out there, I'm just not sure what." I mean ORGANIZED religion, being one of the SHEEP, and following insane rules about tearing toilet paper or using a stove or (remember this one) NOT EATING MEAT ON FRIDAY. No masturbation. Fasting an ENTIRE day or wearing ashes on your face. And on and on and on.

No question, people find great strength in religion, and that includes the ability to cope with tragedy, and to seize on something horrible and somehow make a bad joke turn out to be words of wisdom.

If Lenny Bruce or Sam Kinison was alive and said "say, those kids were a burnt offering," they would be hounded off stage and banned forever. A guy says it at a funeral, and it's a great line. He might as well say those seven kids are up in heaven sharing some jokes with Lenny and Sam. Or Richard Pryor. Or, uh, would Sam and Pryor BE up in heaven? Do Orthodox Jews think heaven is ONLY for Orthodox Jews? And are there hot plates in heaven?

So many questions. So nice that some people have ALL the answers.

They're called Orthodox Jews. Muslims. Amish. Scientologist. The Westboro Baptists. The Mormons. The fanatics....