Old Madge and her Leaky Vag - Madonna Ups her Yeezus Pussy

Jesus FUCKING Christ, old fag hag and dance bag MADONNA has a new album.

Like it'll sell a few thousand copies while the world downloads it free.

The bitch who once huffed at bootleggers (with a fake download mp3 that had her grunt "What do you think YOU'RE doing,") now has no alternative but to hurry and release "leaked" tracks early. Next, blitz the media to try and get impulse sales.

The hot rumor is she's doing an entire week of guest TV spots with impish aging lesbian Ellen Degeneres. Oooh, how THRILLING. No doubt she'll be giving away CDs to everyone in the audience. And no doubt within a few weeks, you won't be able to sell a copy of it on eBay for more than a dollar.

In this era of "music should be free, make money on tour," this old whore will have her tired armies follow her into venue after venue for a few months "in support" of the failed album. Hell, she won't have to bring tampons for any time of the month.

BUT, she pretends she's still fully functional down there. One of the cuts on her latest atrocity masquerading as a music release, is something about her cunt spewing "Holy Water."

Yeah, sleazebags like her have to keep pushing the tits and ass and blowjobs and fucking songs that are supposed to be SO shocking. Nauseating is more like it, with that line about "Yeezus loves my pussy best."

That's the line every reviewer is quoting (though most spell it p***y.) The world is supposed to find the idea of Kanye handling, smelling or fucking Madonna's inkwell sublimely exciting. Hey, just fall face down into a box of used kitty litter. It's the same thing.

Yeah, Kanye, Yeezus himself produced the track. Was his nasal-voiced nitwit wife Kim Kuntrashian listening? Hey bitch, Madonna's cunt beats your yap.

And aren't we ALL tired of this anus-lipped no-talent calling himself YEEZUS? What's next" YOZUS? MUZZYO-HAMAD? BA-ZUDHA?

A reviewer has to write "YEEZUS?" Describe the "beats?" Pretend this asshole and this idiot cunt are creating art that's worth analysis?

All of these reviews for the new MADONNA album remind me of how GLAD I am not to be doing music reviews anymore. How ridiculous I'd feel, if an editor told me, "Here's the new MADONNA album and...YOU CAN'T JUST BE INSULTING, YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY."

Seriously?

Yes, even Rolling Stone and Billboard take garbage rap, stinking dance, ugly trance, and lower-the-pants music SERIOUSLY.

Billboard does use the word "lubricious," to sort of suggest he's a bit tired of "juicy cunt" references in Madonna songs, but still, he's taking this bitch whore's twatty snotty music SERIOUSLY. When was that appropriate? Probably never, but MAYBE when she was being oh-so-blasphemous with "Like a Prayer." Now? NO.

Years ago, when I interviewed Amanda Lear, she sighed and said, "what's your message except get up and dance?" The answer, created by Madonna and the others, is to add dirty words, obnoxious slogans, and act like the music is more for fucking than anything else. Except nobody with any creativity fucks to a monotonous disco beat. Billboard:

The other paragraphs, too stale and boring to bother with, go on and on with recounting which coked-up producer did what track, and analyzing the "beats" and the other artificial and inane devices she uses to keep people tripping over their feet, knocking into someone else, spilling drinks, getting into shoving matches, and whatever else you do in a club when this albino orangutan's music is thudding.

I get it. People are monkeys. They are stupid. They have shit for brains. They like garbage music. Too bad that Billboard and the rest can't just say, "Hey, assholes, the new MADONNA is out. In case you haven't already downloaded it off a torrent. Pigs to the trough: take off, you ham heads."

Why try to justify or legitimize this junk by reviewing it? By rushing to a thesaurus for "lubricious," and trying to fake everyone out by calling swill "maximalist pop."

"Maximalist pop" is the sound when pus bursts from your pimple after you squeezed it. And Madonna is a pus pimple on the body of the music world.

I hope that doesn't sound too LUBRICIOUS.