I've gotten several e-mails from these limp-dicks, all asking, "Where do we pray? The Church of Zinfart? The Bleeding Hans of Christ? When is the Resurrection of Kim Dotcom?"
These lame lambs can't understand why, for the moment, they can't give away music FREE. "Do you suppose Divshare has to pay for bandwidth or something? They need a new paradigm. Maybe they should sell t-shirts. They certainly shouldn't expect ME to PAY for a Divshare account! I don't see why I should, when everything on the Internet should be FREE."
Among those hardest hit is a retired turnip who mostly gets his pleasure from having his dog dig him up in the garden and re-bury him. "Yes, I do enjoy my games with Muffin, but I also have this pathological need to put existing record shops and boot sales out of business. Every day I post music so that other people don't have to buy anything." He began to sob. "Now," he asked Meekly, "WHAT can I do?"
Equally upset is a part-time "social worker" and alcoholic, who also feels it's his duty to post his collection so that people will think he's some kind of musicologist, and not a boring twit with nothing better to do. He is outraged, OUTRAGED, not only at Divshare, but at the few remaining record dealers who aren't giving away the vinyl at the lowest possible prices!
Yes, these are adults who are acting like children.
They expect the few surviving record dealers to audition every 45 rpm they sell for a few pence, and to suffer foolish questions from anal, compulsive old idiots. These idiotic bloggers, old men in their second childhood, actually expect rare, pristine records for nearly nothing. If they have to actually pay more than a few pence for something on eBay, they will gleefully get revenge by declaring "I bought this, now EVERYONE gets it free...everyone should do the same, then NOBODY will have to BUY anything from these miserable people who buy and sell for a living!"
As for the Internet, all they know is that Mummy and Daddy (Divshare and Blogspot) give them things for FREE. The questions of who pays for anything, how the economy works, or what the repercussions might be...are lost on them.
These are the same people who are proud to be pensioners, and "on the government teat," but think "royalties" for music is "silly," and that entertainers should never retire, but maintain arduous touring schedules, live in cheap hotels, be away from their homes, and sell t-shirts after their gigs. Because "music should be free."
As they waddle in the senility of their 60's, which is a return to the same state of goggle-eyed, naive stupidity they had at the age o 6, they simply can't understand...kerfuffles. After all, somebody else trying to stand up for their rights to make a living at something they enjoy, IS a mere kerfuffle.
"Why," the turnip bleats, "why do they cause a kerfuffle when we take their music and throw it all over the world so that we can get some of their fame? Oh, how I enjoy the LIKES and NICE COMMENTS I get just for giving away what others did."
Bloggers can only think of themselves, and how they enjoy spending the last years of their lives as relentless dung beetles piling up their little wads of shit on blogs. That's how dull they are...THIS shit is their primary joy in life. Not the wife, the kids, the home, the neighbors, the community...just sneering about a Matt Munro song that didn't chart, or how wonderful they are for giving away everything Jethro Tull did.
Besides, they all think they are being very reasonable.
"On my blog," says the turnip, "I have a caveat. I tell the artists: if you don't like having your music stolen, just write me a nice e-mail, showing me PROOF that you are the copyright owner, and if I happen to believe you, I'll take down your music..."
He adds, "If anyone does ask, I'll then tell the world this mean bastard should be hacked, and all shows boycotted! Goodness gracious me, am I asking too much by thinking these artists should spend their lives asking bloggers to take down the stolen music? That they should know about all the "private" and hidden blogspot blogs Google allows? That they should find ways to get into ones that are carefully guarded by paranoids and lunatics who insist newbies have to be vouched for by existing members?"
Ultimately, the turnip remarks, "I want to have fun. If you're an artist, a record store owner, or an eBay seller, fuck off. You may be trying to make a living, but THIS is my HOBBY!"
A spokeswoman (he had a sex change) for Nobody Pays HA HA, wrote on his website, "Divshare might go under, as Badongo or Hotfile, or even Megaupload. Aw, there's nothing at filecrop.com anymore. Don't fret, lads. There will always be some Mafia group, drug cartel, organized crime syndicate, or maybe even Isis, to put up another website or start another cloud service. Some don't mind losing money because they're a money-laundering front. Some are in Russia, making money for Putin. What do WE care? WEEEEEEEEEE get music FREEEEEEEEE."
Meanwhile the old bloggers are just hoping and praying that Divshare stops being "in a tizzy" and stops their kerfuffle, and gets back to the business of giving people a free service.
Says Lard Head of the Boot Sale: "I don't mind being a turnip. I enjoy my dog burying me in a different location each day, and then digging me out again, but I do love the monotony of pawing through the worst possible old tat, and making incredible typos and spelling errors as I declare "this did not chart." Which is all I know about music. I have a Billboard book of what charted. Doesn't this make me a music writer?"
His other hobby, incidentally, is feeding scraps to his dog, and then sniffing her behind. "I keep a list. Chicken? "This did not make her fart." Leftover curry? "This made her fart." I'm hoping to collect over a thousand entries! I just discovered that licking me makes her fart. Which is funny, because licking HER makes ME fart!"
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