Threatening Caroline Kennedy? Really? Your BALLS need to be CUT OFF

What kind of warped fuckface IS this?

WHO calls up with a death threat on Caroline Kennedy?

Obviously this is a gutless moron, a pin head, a rice-dick, a total loser. Someone who figures pranking from a pay phone somewhere makes him a man.

Hopefully, this guy will be tracked down, and quietly have his scrotum cut off and shoved down his throat.

Then, after a few months in solitary confinement while the damage heels, and he's on a diet of raw lips, he'll be quietly marched out in front of a firing squad and a half-dozen Lee Harvey Oswalds will shoot his brains out.

Jesus Fucking Christ, on a day of yet more Kardashian and Jenner news, AND the usual Muslim gutless maniacs terrorizing normal people, AND a recall of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, there's a fucking PHONE THREAT against CAROLINE KENNEDY??

THIS chick?

For the shit she's been through in her lifetime, LEAVE HER ALONE.

I don't mean a "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE" type of whine. I mean, ANYONE who threatens Caroline Kennedy should either be shoved into a looney bin forever, ripped apart by wild dogs, or, see above, get castrated and shot at a date to be named later.

Let's go back to 1963, when she was just a kid and her father, the President, gets shot in the head.

She's not only lived with the loss of Daddy, but all the various crackpot theories on who did it and why. Has she settled on a good one? Nothing good about it, whatever it is. It remains one of the most gruesome, horrifying moments in American history.

Now she spends the 60's and 70's trying to lead a normal life, with a pretty unusual mom, the widow named Jackie. The entire world wants a piece of Jackie. Worse, a fucking double ugly rich bastard named Onassis wants a trophy wife, and to the horror of a world that already saw John F. Kennedy fucked in the head, SHE goes off and marries this fucking toad.

Yes, she's set for life financially. Happily, the bastard doesn't live forever. The WORLD thought this sucked. You can imagine how Caroline felt. BUT...she kept her cool.

I saw Jackie Kennedy. I was in church and she walked in, and the electricity in the air was so charged, it almost brought Ben Franklin back to life. She did absolutely NOTHING to encourage attention. She and a few secret service guys walked in, took a seat, and that was that.

She had dignity, she wasn't pretentious, and she was probably approachable in the right circumstances (like, at an editorial meeting at Doubleday, where she worked). She raised her children to also have manners, cool, and the common touch.

No woman in America was like Jackie Kennedy. She was more than royalty. But she never acted like royalty. Despite the burden of her fame, she tried to live a normal life, and get stuff done, including working on book projects she believed in.

Then she died. And John F. Kennedy Jr. got killed in a plane crash. The "Kennedy Curse" also included the murder of Bobby Kennedy. Teddy Kennedy didn't have it too easy, either.

Caroline's the last of the line. Not only that, she's burdened with one of the stupidest last names you could ever have. Well, SOMEBODY has to marry a guy named Shlossberg. Or whatever the fuck it is.

There was some talk about Caroline running for the Senate in New York. It didn't happen. But...in kind of a surprising move, this rather private woman ended up Ambassador to Japan. A big "Who the FUCK CARES."

Before the Senate push, and the Ambassadorship, Caroline was rarely in the public eye except for funerals, and signing her forgettable books that cobbled together Kennedy recipes or quotations. I doubt the average person in America even knew she was the Ambassador to Japan. What's it mean? NOTHING. What's she do? NOT MUCH.

And yet, following some gooky-loony attack on the Ambassador to South Korea, here comes a phone threat against C.K. (Had it been Louis C.K., the overrated comedian, everyone would've had a nice laugh, including him).

Once again: an ambassadorship is a MEANINGLESS position. It's all about attending dinners and helping some drunken Americans get home after acting stupid in public. They are NOT worth attacking or threatening, and that's ESPECIALLY true of CAROLINE KENNEDY.

LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE. She's not a Princess Diana type, she doesn't deliberately show off all over the world. She's not Kate Middleton either. She's somebody everybody likes, respects, feels sorry for, and tries not to bother. I certainly don't care if she's super smart or not, or articulate, and no, I don't want a paparazzi picture of her getting undressed either. I like her best when I DON'T HEAR ABOUT HER.

SO I hope whoever phoned this threat in, is now in mortal fear of his fucking life. I hope he's hiding inside a hollowed out tuna on a dock in Osaka. If such a thing is possible. Or that he is, at this very moment, found out and digesting his scrotum.

In other words, LEAVE CAROLINE KENNEDY THE FUCK ALONE.