BLOW ME...A KISS

I was thinking about the origin of the DUCKFACE.

It probably began when lazy bints decided to "blow a kiss" to somebody not worth actually kissing.

Whether using the hand to wave the "kiss" along, or just miming a pucker and then a blow, this put-down somehow evolved into a turn-on.

Like the "air kiss," where women pretend to kiss on the cheek, but don't because it smudges the lipstick, the "blow kiss" became an apathetic excuse for not taking it to the next step.

IE, to go from "blowing kisses" to the actual BLOWJOB.

So here we are, "sex symbol" celebrities now pretending they're about to give a blow job. Only they're not.

And instead of feeling cheated, we're supposed to feel...excited? We're supposed to imagine slamming the meat past that fortress of sphincter-like rigidity and red-dyed chemicals and oil?

Why is it that every dating website is full of idiots aping the "stars" and attempting these insincere blow-a-kiss expressions?

What is it all supposed to suggest, that on the first date they'll be on their knees, planting kisses on your ever-hardening artery and then gurgling a thank you five minutes later?

The truth is these bitches are more likely to pucker up and slurp an entire order of fried chicken. Then they'll say "Take me home, the baby sitter leaves soon and I can't let my seven kids be home alone tearing the place apart and scratching my Adele CDs."

Kissy-faces. Fish-lips.

It's a lot of phony idiocy that only makes these women look like they have no idea about sensuality. They look like they are doing an impression of an anus farting.

What a parody of sexuality from these disgustingly gruesome ducklings!