"I can't do anything for Shauna, so I'm going to try and sell myself instead. Shauna's just one of a million silly little wide-eyed twits in the world. The competition is too much. But me? I'm just right for ads. America's demographic is getting older. Baby Boomers are now buying meds, diet books, false teeth and adult diapers! I'm an overweight, incontinent half-senile Baby Boomer! I could endorse so many things!"
He managed to get an audition from an adult diaper company.
Too bad it ended in disaster.
Bill put on his adult diaper, posed with a sample, gave his familiar tooth-goofy grin...but soiled himself almost instantly.
"You know me," he laughed, "one pair of adult diapers is never enough!"
The client ordered him to mop the floor and leave. "Worse than that, by habit, I handed the client a $20 bill, and thanked him for letting me pose with the diaper. I'm so used to paying people to let me take a photo!"
Bill hopes to try again, as a model for plus size clothing, a pitchman for tours of graveyards, or a spokesman for the importance of preventive dentistry.
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