Sneak Peek: The Cover for SHAUNA'S NEW SINGLE

"Yes, I can up a new GooTube every day," Shauna giggles, "but a whole album takes...at least a week. Besides, I have my FIVERRRR commitments. I'm usually ten days late on those. Just like I'm ten days late on my period."

Shauna has been waffling over manager Bill's demands. "It's true," she laughs, "I'm waffling. My ass has all these little square indentations. And my anus is leaking syrup!"

All seriousness aside, Shauna has been sitting on an air vent which has square mesh over it. That's what's caused the marks on her butt. As she explains, "Being home all day practicing my arthritic piano stylings causes my ass to get numb. So I go down to the basement and sit on the central air vent, which revives me with cold air.

"That explains the little squares on my butt. The anal leakage, I have no idea. My pussy is always shaved and dry. It's immaculate; awaiting an immaculate conception."

But before Shauna gets knocked up and swaps motherhood for a music career, she's vowed to keep on issuing new GooTube videos and SINGLES.

"I think this is very commercial," Shauna laughs, opening her eyes wide. "Imagine, if it's a hit, I can start selling Shauna Lollipops in Tesco! We'll start with Lemon flavor."

A stick figure with a lollipop head, Shauna was inspired to re-write the Millie Small hit for herself:

I'm a Lollipop
I'll make your dick go giddy-up
My twat is sweet and icky
But my body's stick-y

Whoa oh, I'm a Load 'a Poop
So you better watch it
Because I am hot shit
Why not have a scoop?

I love me, I love me, I love me so
But it's too bad my tits don't grow
Love my eyes, love my hair, excuse my tits
Wish my GooTubes got more hits!

(repeat, repeat, keep repeating)