BOKO DOES WORSE THAN SHAUNA

"I feel better about myself," Shauna Cuntwell admits. Though a rank amateur with a mouse-fart voice and grade level keyboard and guitar skills, her GooTube videos do get more hits than...

BOKO HARUM. The infamous terrorist rock group continues to be ignored by a disgusted, scornful public. Or as their publicist and webmaster Roland puts it, "Well, how about my Pail Heads cover group instead? We're ready!" (thanks, Roland).

Among the group's few surviving fans is the Italian who inherited a long standing Boko Farcebook page. It was started before Roland could think of it. The Italian plays his organ daily (thanks, Kleenex) and has a real fetish for Mr. Fisher. This led Roland to stop posting there with his multiperambulating threnodies and actually start a RIVAL page. Yes, NOT being the leader and having to flood the site with daily idiocy to push away competition was tough enough, but he couldn't risk alienating Gooker by being part of a page that doesn't censor and ignore Fisher!

As you see, the Italian is such a squeaking puppy that he'll post utter idiocy, and with no visuals, as long as he can mention Fisher.

"I get more hits within a month than HE does," Shauna giggles. And she doesn't just mean furtive pats on the ass from old men when she's in the fruit aisle at Tesco. (Wanks, Roland?)

Am I being unfair by using one of the Italian's ridiculous blind-man GooTubes as an example? NO. IF I'M BEING HONEST, most anyone who grabs a camcorder and sits his pudgy drunken self in the first row, and semi-steadily trains it on the Commander (aka Commodore, aka Commode Odor) will have trouble getting 100 hits. The exception is if he's recording one of the group's most famous songs (in 50 years, there were maybe, what, 3 of them?) Even their one Top 20 hit is rarely sung by the average person (compared to "Yesterday") and few remember the peculiar name of the group that first recorded it. At best, a VINTAGE clip from TV gets hits. NOT the new stuff.

Example? A new one can't even reach 1,000. It only got hits because Boko was part of several obscure, over-the-hill, crusty-faced bands at Rambling Man. People who attended, stoned on fermented prune juice, are checking GooTube to see what they missed while they were in the bathroom.

"Tee hee hee," says Shauna. "Look over Gooker's shoulder. Was there a full moon that night, or is it the drummer's head? Wanna know how obscure this group is? My manager Bill does NOT have a picture of himself with Barry Gooker! Byeeeeeeeee!"