Reached for comment, Cilla Blackledge said, "What rhymes with cunts? Bunce! Go talk to HIM. He'd tell you that it's LUKE who is fighting, not ME. In fact it's right THERE in the article. LUKE. And no, he's not my brother. The only LUKE I know is an utter idiot who...well, nevermind."
Cilla returned to her vaping. With a quick exhale, she said, "The only guy I'd fight — and I'm sure I'd win — is on the editorial staff of that slimy, stinky Grimsby Telegraph, aka Tell-a-Laugh."
Yes, Cilla is still annoyed that her comments are no longer being printed, "as they were the best things in the fucking paper, and they know it. They are jealous, vapid morons." She added something else, tongue-in-cheek, which made it difficult to understand her.
Picking up an abacus, she added, "The Grimsby Telegraph is a vapid, soulless, money-grabbing hellhole from which no semblance of dignity can be preserved."
Hmmm. Really? When pressed, Cilla admitted that she swiped that last line from the latest Piers Morgan column, which was all about how Kuntye went berserk and had to be hospitalised.
"I must say," Cilla said, thus proving her point, "that last line was good. If it was a comment in the Tell-a-Laugh it would've been censored! When Piers tries, he can STILL write a good line. I wish him...uh...cuff links that don't keep falling off! Look at that photo of him. Hold onto the cuff links, Piers!"
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