"They say we're TOO YOUNG..." to be redneck assholes, or to die

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all. 

Y'all know Georgia, doncha? It's always on yer mind. Eat a Peach. 

Now who is THIS dumb-faced redneck asshole? Why, he's USED to be Elijah Cox. Just 20 years old, and already got hisself a mug shot. 

So what did this stupid inbred piece of Southern shit do NOW? 

Why, he wuz shackin' up with a 16 year-old named Raina. Gah-lee, that's 3 years ABOVE the Jerry Lee Lewis age for sex, right? Say hello, Raina. Excuse me, you can't. Yer dead.

Well sir, amazing as it seems, Raina's fam-ba-lee didn't seem to think stupid-looking Elijah Cox was a catch. Even with that Biblical fucking first name. 

So, Raina's fam-ba-lee eventually went over to where Elija and his MAMA lived, and told Raina to get in the car and come on home. "And stop this foolishness," right? That probably was a phrase. Along with, "On the way back home we'll stop at Burger King, how's that?" 

On Thanksgiving, Cox showed up at the family’s house, armed with a shotgun. Raina and the five fam-ba-lee members high-tailed it to the bathroom. Cox kicked in the bathroom door. Raina slapped his pudgy face and told him to stop this foolishness. 

He grabbed her and stormed out of the house, burnin' rubber on his stinky sedan, and roaring off into the night. And into a tree. Pretty ironic that it happened in DRUID HILLS, Georgia. 

The lovebirds were killed instantly, so it was a tad unnecessary that the car burst into flames. 

Did Raina leave willingly to spare her fam-ba-lee from violence? Did she find Elijah's actions romantic? The spin, of course, is on the former. 

Years ago, there was "puppy love." A couple Elijah and Raina's age might be warned to stop that "heavy petting." So they'd go and sulk and listen to somebody crooning "Too Young." 

Now? Elijah's MAMA thought it was damn ok for her nasty son to have Raina fornicating under her roof. She probably couldn't figure out what Raina's fam-ba-lee was so upset about. He's a GOOD boy, he is. Was. 

IF I'M BEING HONEST, the surprise is that they didn't find Elijah's cellphone thrown from the wreckage, and the last image on it, a grinning selfie.