Saskatune & Horstshit

For a brief moment, they were a POWER COUPLE.  

Things went downhill once this photo was snapped.

Was Saskatune really closing her eyes and thinking of England, and about to SUCK COCK?

No, she began crooning a Sting song, which is why he's not hard. It became a DISASKIA after that. A transcript: 

"Didn't you get aroused by hearing my perfect golden voice?"  

"Didn't you get aroused seeing me un-box my Pink Floyd?" 

"Is Pink Floyd the name for that repulsive sausage dangling just under your enormous belly? I'm insulted you aren't hard. You are the worst crowd I ever played to. Why don't you clap?"

"I have the clap. But that's not why I am not hard, mein Pale Potato. Your face not only stops a clock, it shrinks a cock. Even when I close my one good eye, it haunts me."

"Maybe you're not a Buy-Nazi, aroused by acquiring garbage, but a Bi-Nazi, and what you really want is a boy, not a girl!" 

"Ach du Yorkie Bars! Mein Saskatune, if that were so, you would arouse me, because you have a boyish face. You could play lead in "Oliver" or "Peter Pan." That is, if you could stand sharing the stage with other people." 

"Never! MY gift is solo performing in front of "packed" audiences who don't pay to get in, or pay for my CD's, but instead donate much MORE because my show was SO GOOD."

"No, they pay to LEAVE. They are so relieved it's over, they thank Christ and toss down their money as an offering. Then they say: Please God, don't let me ever have another experience with another arrogant, self-absorbed egomaniac bitch!"  

"Hey, you said that WITHOUT a German accent! Take off that fake beard and the glasses with the wonky Dick Deadeye prosthetic eye socket! Why it's..." 

"Bill Hoobastank! I didn't mean to insult you, Saskatune. It's just that your personality is SO irritating, it makes me grind my teeth down to my gums."

"Say something nice about me, then." 

"You have a much better voice than Shauna, damn it!"

"You're damning with faint praise. You think I'm gonna sign with YOU? What do I need YOU for, when I promote MYSELF so well on TWITTER?"

"Gurgle...gurgle...bloppp....kerblopppp...." 

"Oh, if only he was wearing his nappy! I wish there was a "cover version" of YOU! I don't know what's worse, seeing you naked or that awful pile at your feet!"

"You're at my feet, too, Saskatune. And people say you're hot shit, too!" 

"Thank you for the NICE COMMENT. PS, tell Shauna she sucks!" 

"Yes, she does. And she swallows, too! I only wish I could say I know this from experience...Oooh, get me to the toilet...ooooh, I'VE FALLEN IN THE WATER!!" 

And that was the Goon Show, script by Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens, programme produced by Pat Dixon! (thanks, Roland, for staying out of it!)