GOBBLE, GOBBLE - Thanksgiving and "Black Friday Matters"

You can be thankful about Thanksgiving...if you're NOT spending it with irritating relatives. Maybe you've got some kind of DISEASE that gives you an excuse. Suddenly, the DISEASE that has wrecked your life makes you THANKFUL that one day isn't made WORSE.

Of course, you might be treated to sullen wisecracks and hateful glowers, followed by the silent treatment, but that's better than the alternative. You're spared the fucking INQUISITION of five, six, or eight solid hours of being at a "party," forced to smile at morons, grin at screaming brats, and pretend to enjoy the fatty garbage you had BETTER EAT lest somebody or other gets offended. You've avoided having to "entertain" people you hate by telling them jokes and amusing stories, and, worse, giving free advice to money-hungry brain-picking pests. 

THIS Thanksgiving was especially adorable in NYC, for aside from cold weather, there were the warm and reassuring reports that thousands of police and soldiers and undercover agents were deployed to make the parade safe from potential ISIS bombers. 

How nice. So millions (mostly tourists) got a chance to freeze their asses off and watch a bunch of balloons freakishly blot the cold gray light. Who wouldn't want to see a gigantic fucking CHARLIE BROWN come looming along, hoisted by a few dozen pissed off rope-holders? Who wouldn't be charmed by idiots waving from crass floats loaded up with "commercial placement" announcements? Gee, look who is waving, some jerk from some reality show, or is it some dimwit from a soap opera?  

Would it be a surprise to know that this event look much better on TV? In person, it's a fucking hell to get NEAR the parade route, and almost impossible to get a good position unless you start out three hours before the parade starts. Then what, you're going to be standing near a whole bunch of utter ASSHOLES squealing, shouting, being stupid, and distracting you from enjoying ANYTHING. If you do manage to be in a good spot, you'll soon be bored, because what IS so great about watching giant balloons? Most of 'em are of "heroes" you don't know because you're not 12 or a cretin. "Product placement" means the Pillsbury Doughboy is in, and Bullwinkle the Moose is OUT. Yes, balloons are often "retired." Gotta make room for SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, Bullwinkle. Fuck OFF. 

Thanksgiving is worth the hell for a lot of idiot people. They like taking Wednesday off, having Thursday, and then calling in sick for Friday. Ha ha ho ho hee hee, a LONG WEEKEND. Nobody gets much done. 

If you survive Thanksgiving, then there's the "reward" of goddam BLACK FRIDAY. 

Indeed, why do all the odious "big box" stores and creepy super-Internet sites suddenly offer "bargains?" No wonder business is lousy for six months. People are off with "vacations" in the summer, and they come back knowing if they hold off on purchases in September and October, they can score "BLACK FRIDAY" deals in November. 

No need to go into detail on how horrible "Black Friday" is. There are riots at the stores where the po' folks go. There's gluttony on line, with "bargain codes" to use, and "deep discounts" on shit that was overpriced for the past five months. 

Stores that sell ordinary things find themselves starved out, because people are spending all their money on wine, perfume, electronics, Nigga sneakers, the latest idiot toys, and ridiculous holiday items like mail order fruit baskets and nut logs. It reaches the point where people suddenly have nothing in the bank account, because they've bought so much shit for themselves AND "cleverly" done their CHRISTMAS SHOPPING early. 

Somehow, Thanksgiving has become a time to do what people don't really like to do much of during the year: eat turkey. People LOVE their fucking chicken. But on Thanksgiving, the burden is to buy some genetically-altered Dolly Parton-breasted turkey which will take hours to cook and MUST include stuffing, cranberry sauce, squash, sweet potatoes, marshmallows and half the fucking supermarket on the fucking table. 

Yeah, give thanks you're not a turkey. What's with people sitting around a table, smiling warmly, thanking God, and being cheerful about ending a bird's life? What's this perverted JOY about carving into a turkey, slicing off chunks of its corpse, and cheering how roasted the flesh is? 

It's all pretty fucking depressing unless you're in the midst of a family event too chaotic for anyone to think rationally. No, it's "keep the liquor away from Aunt Zab, and watch out for incontinent Uncle Bill, and don't let horny Hans get his hands on anything male or female with blonde hair." The meal becomes refuge, because people are generally too busy stuffing themselves with stuffing to keep on blabbing. 

THIS Thanksgiving, with Trump and his Republican majority about to try every dirty trick and bullying tactic in the book? It isn't bad enough the Muslims are trying to pull civilization back into the 15th Century, we've got Trump and his pals ready to pass laws that do everything but legalize burning women as witches. 

The only good thing about Thanksgiving and Black Friday is that they are almost over. Saturday, and life returns sort of to normal, except for all the fucking Christmas music and the decorations all over the place, and the COUNTDOWN of the days till the 25th. Yeah, life in the 21st Century is one damn thing after another.