Shauna Cuntwell of The Lollipop Guild

WELCOME TO THE PRIVATE PAGE OF LOLLIPOP GUILD MEMBER: SHAUNA CUNTWELL

Shauna is a flat-chested 20 year-old Munchkin. She joined the Lollipop Guild at a young age (20) after nearly winning a talent contest. Despondent, she refused to change her cotton knickers for a month, and the fabric began to deteriorate and pill, which led her to finally take them off. The moment she did, she won a Tail Lint contest. Judge Bill Hoobastank drooled and gurgled about having not seen so many bits of fabric adhering to an anus and asscrack before. Besides his own.

Shauna can sing "I Represent the Lollipop Guild," but her favorite song from "The Wizard of Oz" is "If I Only Had a Brain." She also admires Taylor Swift and most anyone who can sing on key. The girl uses a vocoder to fart. She started out making YouTube videos the hard way: she didn't own a camcorder. She also couldn't play the guitar without staring at her left hand to figure out the chords. Her left hand was dubbed "Maroon 5," as all five fingers seemed marooned on a useless stalk. 

Her dream of pursuing music was fulfilled on a windy day when a copy of some Taylor Swift sheet music flew out of her arms. She chased it down the street, and pursued it for several blocks. 

Shauna is currently working on her EP:  her Exposed Pussy. "I try to shave it every day," she declares. 

"When I'm done, I splash on some Bailey's Irish Cream, which tingles! My drunken dog licks it up and strops me nice and pink with his tongue. Oh, eventually I'll have some guyyyyysss do that, but for now I'm building up a reputation as an eyebrow raising, bug-eyed little cocktease. 

"I still have my cherry, and I won't go cunty-pop until I am famous with a #1 hit single. Or getting more than a fiverrrr from guyyysss. I'd like 500. I'd do it for 500. My Mum actually does it for 50 in a Blackpool massage parlor, but she would NEVER do it on a bed at the Adam & Eve." 

The title of Shauna's single reflects how people react when they hear her sing: "Some Are Pained." 

It may seem surprising that Shauna is 20, considering that she acts like she's 16, but that's how Millennials are these days: giddy, clueless, naive, narcissistic nitwits. 

She hopes to reach her goal of having covered every Taylor Swift song and produced over 5,000 YouTube videos. She also hopes to get at least one nice comment. "I really would like some flattery on my songs. Right now, nothing's flatter than my voice, except my tits."