The First Two Pages of the Grimsby Telegraph

As a pubic service, so you don't have to worry about catching a virus at the dickhead website of the Grimsby Telegraph, here are the opening pages of today's news.





AND PAGE TWO. Be sure to patronize their advertisers. Oh. There aren't any. 
If you see a typo, just be surprised there aren't more of them. 
(The editor thinks the plural of "patients" is "patientss." What a fucking twit.) 
And remember, there's no better paper to wrap fish heads in.