Crazy Shirley MacLaine - Don't Call her Surely

Surely, there isn't a Hollywood actress as batty as Shirley MacLaine.

She wasn't the hot sex symbol of her day, prone to dumb bunny inanities. Nor was she the greatest actress of her time, doing drama queen rages on the sets and attempting suicide every week. Still, her "New Age" brand of kookiness and her theories that she had lived on Atlantis, and was reincarnated (or whatever the fuck she was talking about) made her the Queen of Outer Space. Yes, even without a good sci-fi credit!

Anyone able to name a Shirley MacLaine movie? No, me neither. Certainly not one I can claim to have seen recently, or bought because of her. Her latest New Age book has brought her back into the spotlight, as Shirley assures the world that somehow...oh, everything bad that happens to people is caused by their KARMA, man.

That includes the entire fucking Holocaust. Surely, you can't be that sure, Shirley? Or can you?

Congrats, lady, you still can win any WHAT THE FUCK celebrity quote contest!

Even in old age, nobody can blurt beans from either end like Shirley MacLaine. She is to intellectuality what Linda Blair's "Exorcist" vomit scenes are to film.

I don't think Shirley's antisemitic. I don't think she's even aware of what's going on in the real world. That her ramblings and ravings are being quoted in every Nazi forum, and jotted down by every redneck pinhead or Camel-breath Arab wouldn't even occur to her.

What if, in another life, Shirley MacLaine was just a dumb pig slopping around in pig shit and getting hog-fucked now and then?

It wouldn't be kosher, but I think we know that in another life, Shirley was NEVER A JEW.

Now, just to be fair here, let's point out that she's an equal offender in philosophical cruelty. No, she did not have the time to explain to us why Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper had to be killed in a plane crash by God or a magic toad. She didn't even explain what Karma Chameleon caused Boy George to be arrested and forced to clean sidewalks in New York City for a while. However, she does have a theory on the antisemite Stephen Hawking's condition:

A few little bits of Elvis Costello come to mind at this moment. It's his voice singing "I'm not angry..." and "...now I try to be amused."

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I must admit I actually have a personally autographed photo from the little lost lady who can't live down MacLaine. It's a hot photo of her in sexy lingerie, of course. A portrait shot would've been less appealing. But hey, in my past life I may have been a sartyr on the Isle of Crete. Or a cretin living next to Sartre on an Island.

I know she means know harm. I just don't think a lot of Neo-Nazis know that. Shirley...you jest.