Monkey Grammy Awards: It's NOT about MUSIC no' mo'

I remember when it was hip NOT to even show up at awards shows. Guys like Marlon Brando and George C. Scott and Woody Allen would either send up somebody to give a political speech, or stay home.

Now? BRIBERY and FAME-WHORING keep the place packed with "celebrities." Almost no nominee fails to show.

They turn up because they're paid, or because they're planning a "stunt" to call attention to themselves. Like the Kanye trick of storming up after a winner gets an award HE thinks should've gone to somebody else. Yes, Kanye actually reprised his 2009 VMA routine, and got ALL the black ink he expected.

The "academy" pays $25,000 in bribes to make sure pampered, rich celebrities show up. Yes, the "goody bag" loaded with $25,000 worth of products and gift certificates is hard to resist.

Even if Kanye or Kim don't need an iPod or a certificate for $500 in free massages or a free trip to a resort or whatever else is in there, their kids, baby-sitters and secretaries do. "Go to the show! Bring me your GOODY BAG! PUH-LEEEEEZE!!!"

Of course most of these deranged applause-junkies just want to show up and keep the publicity machine going, NO MATTER WHAT. This either involves a fantastic performance on stage (not likely), or, easier to pull off, a PHOTO OP that will be seen by even more millions than watched the show.

This year? Old war whore MADONNA, at 56, re-copped the tacky trophy of "Most Talked About Photo Op."

All she did was stand around in front of the Grammy banner in an idiotic matador outfit (matador is the name of her record label, isn't it...) with her tits squashed like abandoned puppies in a basket.

Shooting fish in a barrel, that's the Madonna tittie pose. "Photographers" aren't allowed star access EXCEPT for when the stars choose to stand in front of the Grammy wallpaper and signal that it's OK to start snapping.

A few paps did snap as Madonna walked off the platform. Ooooh!

"Lace Knickers and Old Arse." She had to have her saggy rear propped up by industrial strength knickers.

"Lace Knickers and Old Arse" is wordplay I copped from Frankie Howerd. Yes, I remember the days when comedians were witty. And when people would remember the titles of old plays and movies like "Arsenic and Old Lace." Today, DUDE, if it's "before my time, DUDE," then it's WORTHLESS, Dude.

Meanwhile, back at the show, if you didn't WIN an award yourself, you could dazzle the paps by being SUCH a good sport and CONGRATULATING a winner. Say CHEEEEEEESE.

Hey Swifty, you're making Sam tremble not because you're a star, but because you're FEMALE and NEXT TO HIM, and he's scared of PUSSY.

What a sad sorry world we live in where a mama's boy fag like Sam Smith, doing his pedophile choirboy voice (copped from almost every "Britains Got Tail Lint" contestant) WINS. Fags have made sure that wimpy voices and nerdy hairstyles are now ACCEPTABLE.

Yes, fat-faced wimp Sam Smith won a lot of awards for "innocently" borrowing a song title from another pop star and a melody from yet another. WHAT an ORIGINAL. Not. If he wasn't a fag and so sincere about his insincere singing, he'd be crucified as a fucking hack and a music thief.

Maybe the biggest surprise was that ugly little boy Viley Virus didn't show up in her underwear, but instead wore an actual gown. She was there to delight the paps by showing that she and Katy Puffy-tits are bosom buddies. Wanna cop a feel, Viley?

At least she kept her tongue in her head.

If a celebrity missed an opportunity to make a fool of herself, or do a yappy-mouthed pose, or prance around with her tits and ass showing, there was always INSTAGRAM.

Mule-faced Kim Kardashian and her un-talented friends gathered together to mock BECK, with an Instagram pose that was snarkily captioned: "BECK WON THAT AWARD???" or something like that:

This was to "support" Kanye and his belief that only black people should win awards, and only black people are artistic and only black music styles are worth listening to. Oh, but fucking a fat-assed white woman is ok. That's about all the integration da nigga will tolerate in da 21st Censurey.

See, the Grammy awards is supposed to be ALL black, and BEYONCE was supposed to have won the award BECK got.

Kanye West was, of course, fuming about this DIS.

Equality? Never heard of it. Any time a black doesn't get EVERYTHING, it's RACISM, YO.

At this point, with ugly fat-faced pretentious billionaire Jay-Z as the host (always with the ridiculous pimp beret) the Grammy awards could be re-named Nigga Central.

Oh, it might be OK to have a few white bitches around to amuse the pimps, like Madonna or Viley or Katy as they act like ho's. But Taylor Swift? Not so much. You'll recall a sullen (as always) Kanye West shoving her around for winning an award a few years ago that a BLACK WOMAN should've won.

Kanye was at it again this year. At first the audience thought Kanye was "goofing" or "spoofing" on his notorious Taylor Swift dis when he began grumbling about Beck. But no, during the post-Grammy interviews, he said his racist attitude was REAL, because white man music SUCKS and BLACK RAP and Shitney multi-syllable Gospel R&B garbage is BETTA:

"I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain't gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should've given his award to Beyonce."

Got that, Beck? Be like McCartney and stand in the BACKGROUND while Beyonce and Kanye perform. Better yet, DON'T record anything.

Kanye probably is tolerant of fags like pudding-white Sam Smith, because he knows that the Grammy show wouldn't get on the air without all the fags who design the sets and all the fags who control the media and push these artists in magazines and newspapers.

Kanye also doesn't mess with C&W artists. First of all, these are real men and they'll deck a piece of shit rather than smell a piece of shit. Kanye ain't going on stage when a country singer is up there, that's fo' sho'.

He might also be savvy enough to realize that he must tolerate sound-alike white cracker country assholes like Blake Shelton, because rednecks DO watch the Grammy show and help it get high ratings. OK, the rednecks spend most of their time cursing at the rap stuff and drinking beer, and waiting for somebody in a giant cowboy hat to whine a song about drinking, but they DO watch.

But the demographic of intelligent white people between 40 and 60? Nah, they don't watch dopey awards shows, and they don't sit there with their hands clenched praying for Beck to win. So go up on stage, Kanye, and scare the shit out of that little Nazi. WHO NEEDS HIM!

If you watch the Grammy Awards, IF I'M BEING HONEST, you'd think that blacks make up the majority in America. Which is why Jay-Z was hosting, and why all the attention was focused on such unoriginal pieces of garbage as John Legend and yes, the fabulous Beyonce. The show ended with Beyonce torturing a gospel song by adding a truckload of extra syllables. She also furiously waved one hand like she had some shit on it from having missed the toilet paper and used her fingers. This was supposed to be drama. Sometimes she simply stopped singing at all. This was supposed to signal that this be a SERIOUS song and she be SO overcome with the lyrics. WATTA PHONY.

PS, if a black woman has some pride, she doesn't dye her hair a weird shade of reddish brown, does she?

She had a huge collection of solemn back-up singers, ALL BLACK, of course (because white people have no soul) and the lighting was muted to tell the world "Dis BE SERIOUS."

The only surprise was that Jay-Z and Beyonce didn't solemnly tell the world "Remember Ferguson" or "We're all praying for BOBBI BROWN" or some other obnoxious and tacky remark.

So, no surprises. Almost all the nominated music this year was idiotic shit aimed at monkeys. What was there for you if you were a REAL fan of music? NOT A THING. There wasn't even some stupid novelty song that could momentarily be amusing (Cee Lo's "Fuck You" for example). The C&W and the ballads and the pop songs were all generic and they will all be forgotten by next year, just as NOBODY wants to hear any of the bellowing crap that won awards for Adele. Basically the show was geared so you could turn the sound off and just stare at the outfits and the posturing. And that is NOT a music show. Not at all.

But let's leave the last word to KANYE, still steaming over Beck winning over the beloved Beyonce:

"Because when you keep on diminishing art and not respecting the craft and smacking people in their face after they deliver monumental feats of music, you're disrespectful to inspiration. And we as musicians have to inspire people who go to work every day, and they listen to that Beyoncé album and they feel like it takes them to another place."