Give EVERYONE a Grammy...Except MORRISSEY

Explain to me...ME, an American, what the fucking difference is between "Best Americana Album" and "Best Folk Album" and "Best American Roots Performance."

That's Best Americana Album won by Rosanne Cash, Best Folk Album won by Old Crow Medicine Show and Best American Roots Perforance won by Rosanne Cash.

You wanna tell me that a "Folk" album could be folk music from some other country? Nope, there's the "Best World Music Album" for that, which manages to squeeze the entire world into ONE category, as if music from France, Sweden or Nigeria or Japan all sounds the same.

And let's not confuse things by also mentioning all the awards for COUNTRY material.

Doesn't it seem like the Grammy assholes have cheapened things by giving out trinkets by the carload?

There are such empty and narrow categories as "Best Traditional R&B Performance" and "Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album," etc. etc. But only one for alternative rock, and none for progressive rock.

Well, fuck white rockers, who are the ones most likely to be abused by bootleggers, to the point of not wanting to record at all (see: "Miller, Steve" among others). Even rich and famous guys like Gene Simmons bitch that there's no point recording albums just so parasites can be happy getting it free.

But maybe one day the Grammy show will offer honors for: "Best Continuous Blog from Croatia where An Asshole Keeps Stealing Music," "Best Simultaneous Continued Posting of Old Tat at Both Demonoid and Blogspot" or "Best Constant Re-Upping Of The Beach Boys By a Dutch Douche."

Meanwhile, if owning a Grammy is the ultimate mark of success in the music industry, then a big FUCK YOU to:

MORRISSEY, for NEVER winning and, in fact, being nominated exactly ONCE.

His nomination was wayyy back in 1992 for "Your Arsenal," and he got his arse kicked by cookie monster-voiced Tom Waits.

Speaking of artsy fartsy, Patti Smith was only nominated twice (no, not for "Because the Night" co-written with Brooooos, even!)

On a happier note, Bjork was nominated an unlucky 13 times, and also never was a winner. How nice, her agony in having to sit in a duck suit at a theater, or ass naked in a bucket of ice at home, or standing on her head while sparrows nested in her cunt at Dido's house, only to be disappointed again and again and again...