Christie is no Murderer: Don McLean Throws a Pie

Christie's not a murderer, nor the judge and jury, too.

That would be John Christie, of the "Go Down Ye Murderers" song.

No, THIS report is on Christie's the auction house, and the song is..."AMERICAN PIE."

They judge that some jukebox jury jerk will pay over a million dollars for the manuscript.

The big deal here is that the winning orthodontist, Hedge Fund weasel or accountant, will have 16 pages to frame for his wall, and will have geeks beating a path to his door to stare at the lyric changes and ask, "Do you think the jester in the cast was Bob Dylan after the motorcycle wreck? Do ya, huh, do ya?"

Sure, I like "American Pie," and despite some kitschy coos, McLean generally wrote some pretty good songs, even if only two could be considered certifiable hit classics. But a MILLION bucks?

The answer, as ISIS and Hezbollah and Boko Haram have proven, as well as con-artist "psychics" in every neighborhood and the health shops selling crystals and bottles of stink, is that we live in superstitious times. Having "American Pie" in a series of frames on your wall will give off GOOD MOJO, don't you know?

The fetish for "autographs" has been with us a long time, but the frenzy (a million for a Lennon hand-written lyric, two million for a Dylan) has reached epidemic proportions.

People routinely pay millions and millions for simple autographs, just because "the great man" may have touched the paper as his fountain pen poured his signature onto it. The most inane and banal letter written by Lincoln or Churchill can make a grown scholar cry and drool like baby North West at Kanye's showing of his horrible "fashions."

Autographed cards and letters and pages of written out poems or lyrics have soared in price. Just go to eBay and see how totally manufactured "collectibles" are bought up for insane prices. "Signature" cards for "Star Trek" or "The Avengers" or "Twilight Zone" or "Game Of Throw Up" or any dopey fantasy or sci-fi show can go up to $500 or more. Oooh, Shatner only signed 3 of these cards. Diana Rigg only signed a few. If you are lucky enough to have bought a hundred card packs, rummaged through, and found one of THOSE, you might find a sucker on eBay to buy it for triple what you paid for the useless crap.

Autographed books? When a celebrity does a limited signing to get publicity, the next day eBay has the book for triple the price, and that price only goes up and up and up. What is it, a scribble from Ray Davies on a book you'll never read? A rubber stamp on a Jimmy Page item? RARE AND VALUABLE!!

As for the loser who finishes second on bidding for the "American Pie" manuscript, I know exactly what he'll say: "This'll be the day that I die."