Spend Money! Stare at Celebs! America is NOT DONE in FEBRUARY

What, America stood still for the SUPER BOWL?

For the fucking Grammy awards?

That's just the beginning of FUCKED UP FEBRUARY in America.

The laziest, sloppiest, most affluently obnoxious country in the world IS NOT DONE.

After all, Christmas was SO long ago, and NEW YEAR'S EVE.

We went through a long, long January with almost NO fun or HOLIDAYS.

I mean, there was MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY, and the post office was closed, and stores had sales, but come on, MORE FUN! MORE AWARD SHOWS! SPEND SOME MONEY!

Good news: the last two weeks of February are loaded with more sloth, more throwing away of disposable income, and more decadence.

February 13th: the long awaited premiere of "50 Shades of Gray," as the world forgets all about the Marquis de Sade, and thinks some ugly porcine British no-talent invented B&D and S&M. Ooooh, let's all go see the movie and get out the blindfolds and whips. That'll take our minds off having no minds.

February 14th? Valentine's Day. This is when the guy has to spend a fortune on his VALENTINE, who will do almost nothing in return. A blow job maybe? No no, that would make her look CHEAP, doing it in return for presents.

It's always cute how the local florists and fruit shops and supermarkets, which sold two dozen roses for $10, NOW magically charge DOUBLE and TRIPLE, ripping off their regular customers.

Still have some money left over?

February 16th is PRESIDENT'S DAY!

Yes, just two days after a "buy shit" holiday, there's ANOTHER "buy shit" holiday. It's also, following last month's "Martin Luther King" day, another FEDERAL HOLIDAY where you can't get your mail.

It was once a day to celebrate the few men of integrity the nation has produced (such as Washington and Lincoln). Now patriotic white trash redneck Americans in The Bible Belt and the South run out and BUY SHIT and their retarded kids don't even know the names of more than a few presidents. The rest of the country is not much brighter.

Mattress sale! Get a BIGGER TV! How about overpriced sneakers and shit with celebrity names on them??

Hey, this is AMERICA, we have MONEY, and we didn't spend enough with Christmas, New Year's, Martin Luther King Day or Valentine's Day...so PRESIDENT'S DAY!!

Wait, the Grammy awards were on the 8th? Our short attention DEMANDS another AWARDS show, so we can see more sluts in gowns, hear more inane speeches, see more glitzy egotism.

You know what's coming up REAL soon? Sure you do. Another week or two and....

Americans wonder why all the jobs are in China? Why even APPLE makes their fucking computers in China? Why the American car industry is dead and Detroit one big slum...while JAPAN sells us cars?

What's America doing to protect the economy? Oh, right blocking the sales of a few chocolate bars from Great Britain.

Will that help or hinder America's efforts to surpass Mexico as the country with the most obesity??

Whatever happened to doing a day's work, and not sniffing at Kardashian's ass and Viley's twat and Bieber's crotch every goddam day?

Meanwhile it's Jordan that is winning the day by flying missions against ISIS. Americans are too busy drinking beer and eating corn chips and watching "American Sniper," the CLint Eastwood movie.

Besides the real worry for Americans is over who will be the winner of "Real Housewife" and who will be voted off an island or declared an "American Idol." Reality shows! Yeah! And award shows, too!

What's the motto of this country? In TRIVIAL SHIT we Trust? Excuse me, I think I need a vacation from all the vacations...