Monkee Shines - Before They're All Buried

The good thing about "50th Anniversary" celebrations?

It gives survivors one more chance at the spotlight. If they want it. And some, like Adam West and Burt Ward, sure want it. Hey everyone, we're still alive, and people still care about our silly "Batman" TV show. Some, to excess, since a few episodes are more than enough.

THE MONKEES 50th Anniversary cash-in is great news for Mickey Dolenz and Peter Dork, who can always use the money. Nesmith could care less, and Davy Jones (born David Bowie) is dead. As is the other David Jones.

Unlike the "Batman" series, even FEWER episodes of the Monkees TV show are worth seeing again, and the people who watch it religiously are truly dweebs, dorks, prune-vaginas and fools. As for the albums? Uh, same thing applies. Hearing one or two of their hits once in a while doesn't make me cringe, but I don't buy (literally, DON'T BUY) the notion that any album is great or that after the first, there is any "under-appreciated gem." Nor do I buy (literally) the idea that playing their own instruments, or covering Nesmith songs made those latter albums worth any serious discussion.

So, fine, let the desperate cretin-fans be happy. The "Batman" bunch got, at last, the complete series on DVD with actual toys to help make the set "worth buying." The Monkee-files are getting an album pulling together the chicken bones from the trash. Amid the outtakes and unfinished garbage, there might even be a scratchy home-cassette of Davy singing "Free as a Bird" which the the remaining three can finish.

Yeah, FUCK and OFF.

The tour goes on way past June, of course, because pudgy, stubbly Dolenz is no fool. He knows that people STEAL the music, so it's VITAL to TOUR and SELL T-SHIRTS. And any other shit. Buy enough crap and maybe he'll pose for a selfie, free. Otherwise, he often wearily walks away apologizing vaguely that if he poses for one idiot, a bunch will deluge him (even if nobody is around and he's been caught by himself in a bar at closing time).

There's a short list of "50th Anniversary" celebrations where anyone is still alive and anyone really cares. Events like "The Beatles Arrive in America?" Sorry, Paul and Ringo think they are solo STARS and didn't bother to do much promotion on the few items tossed out there (like a polished up set of primitive music video). TV shows? No. Take "The Avengers" or "The Prisoner." We've already gotten digitized versions and every scrap of outtake material. A re-package wouldn't mean Diana would bother and Patrick is dead. Most TV shows are like that. By the 50th Anniverary, there's just nothing left to shout about.

As for rock albums, nothing much is worth a "50th Anniversary" celebration. The Dylan re-issues will continue, and maybe there will be re-issues with bonus tracks on the Rolling Stones, Simon & Garfunkel and a few others. None of these stars are desperate enough to really care to promote that shit too much. The Monkees? They're on the Last Train To Desperationville.