Kim Kardashian To Change Her First Name to Kunt

Q: You were almost naked in your reality show, you do selfies of yourself with butt cheeks exposed, but isn't a lurid name-change going too far?

A: Lurid? What's that? What's too far? It's all good.

Q: But what message does calling yourself KUNT have on young girls?

A: Hello? You know what "empowerment" means? Kanye told me.

Q: Kanye told you what "empowerment" means? I don't follow.

A: You take "nigger" and make it "niggah," and you have "empowerment," know what I'm saying?

Q: No, I don't. Making "Cunt" into "Kunt" and calling yourself "Kunt..." that's keeping it real?

A: First off, I keep the initials on all my towels and silverware and things! What's real is I like my cunt. You saw it on the video.

Q: I thought I was watching "Krakatoa East of Java." But "Kunt" is a derogatory-

A: Don't tell me about no derogatory. "Kunt" is "empowerment." Know what I'm saying? Be real. Cunt gives pleasure. Why not call yourself Kunt? People are named Dick.

Q: You are a very confusing woman. Kanye's a confusing man. USA today felt so too.

A: There you go. That's why you have to keep watching KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS. Read about us EVERY DAY.

Q: When are you changing your name?

A: When I choose to. Respect my privacy. I might decide on ASS KARDASHIAN or BOOTYICIOUS KARDASHIAN.

Q: But those don't begin with a K, Kim.

A: That's old school. Know what I'm saying?

Q: No, God damn it, I don't. Now what's going on here? Is this for real, or a hoax?

A: You are not hip so you get confused, like USA today does.

Q: You know, you and Kanye are no better than any pimp and his cocksucker whore.

A: Kocksucker. Spell it with a K.

Q: All right, that's enough. You aren't really Kim, just some meth addict with an ugly fat ass who looks like her.

A: Do you doubt that Kim Kardashian could announce a name change to Kunt Kardashian? Really? Didn't it seem possible?

Q: Unfortunately, yes. Miley Cyrus sticks out her tongue, twerks, acts like a moron. You and Kanye act like morons. Madonna. Gaga. Bieber. It's sickening.

A: It's all good. This is the 21st Century world of Entertainment, so get used to it! Porn stars and reality stars and movie stars...getting to be all the same.

Q: Yeah. The marquee will read: Labia Lohan, Penis-Sucking Hilton and Kunt Kardashian.

A: Bruce Jenner's changing his first name to Pussy.

Q: Anything else?

A: Take a look at this magazine. This is NOT a Photoshop job!

Q: Yes, one of the few magazines that won't be going "internet only." This is what sells on a newsstand!

A: As long as it has something KARDASHIAN in it.

Q: Kardashian being Armenian for "dog shit."

A: Just remember to keep KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS, especially Me and Kanye, America's ROYAL COUPLE.

Q: AH. Yes. Lily Tomlin said it best: "no matter how cynical you are...it's hard to keep up."