Monster Truck Lives Up to its Title

Look, Assholitos and Buttistas, you go to a MONSTER truck rally, you get a MONSTER truck rally.

Some of you got flattened...so? That only means that if the funeral parlor is closed for a SIESTA, you can slip the bodies under the door.

And what's the big deal anyway, Mexico's got bodies hanging from the trees every day, thanks to the drug cartels. A Mexican's idea of a good time is to drive past the hanging corpses to go scream with delight as oversized trucks pollute the air. They stand around making more fart noises than a motorcycle. They hop up and down imitating the bounce of MONSTER trucks and their beloved hydraulic-fucked lowrider cars...which these mentally stunted fools consider the grown up version of baby carriages. Right, bounce bounce bounce as you roll down the street, you idiot babies. What the fuck do you think, the highway is an amusement park ride?

What an idiot juvenile pastime...MONSTER trucks (as well as motorcycle rallies, as well as car racing in general). And how many were killed, anyway? ONLY 8 people. The average Mexican woman has about 8 babies, so what's the fuss?

Mexico, now officially the fattest country in the world, should have a new slogan: "We've got MONSTER TRUCKS and MONSTER FUCKS."

But...I keed, I keed...and I apologize for writing this in English, when English isn't the official language of America. Pssst, amigos, aren't you a bit stupid for not just plowing your MONSTER trucks across the border? Don't you want to join the 10 million Mexicans who are getting all the nice benefits of being illegal aliens? Which includes having all government agencies full of bilinguals to help, and every ATM machine lets you continue in Spanish and you can't call up any store or office without hearing "to continue in ENGLISH press 1..." Soon we'll be legalizing marijuana so you can just lie around smoking dope and eating Fritos and tortillas and not have to look up in to the trees and see any of your relatives.

Why do you think they called it "NEW MEXICO?" Because they want YOU! Honestly they do! California, too. And don't forget Arizona. Senor, go there with yer bona...and pork every mamasita you can, because we can never have enough people in this country who can't support themselves. Take over Arizona and kick that Senator McCain out. Get a senator named Cruz, or Puta or Blimpo. Send McCain packing to Alaska where his beloved Sarah Palin was spawned. It'll do him good, 'cause he's so white he's gotten skin cancer from the Arizona sun. Mexicans laugh at that shit. And most of all, make the Gringo dial extra digits and press extra buttons just to hear something in what he thought was his own language. English? Que lastima, FUCK THAT! Or to quote the title of a Paul Rodriguez record, "You're in America now! Speak Spanish!"

"Does this taco make my face look fat?"

"Forget the Alamo."