Q: I am standing with a man who owns two sheds! Can you explain this?
A: In my alloquy, I will be euphoric to elucidate and adumbrate, with acervuline acedia, an adroit response to an asthete such as yourself, sans aphesis.
Q: Did you swallow a dictionary? Would you WANT to? No more of that shit.
A: OK, mate. As Grooker said to Geoff, with a big smile, reaching for some paper napkins, "I know when I'm licked."
Q: Why do you have TWO sheds, a big one and a smaller one?
A: The big one is for my ego. The second one is for Boko Harum memorabilia.
Q: Hmm. The big one actually has nothing in it. But this smaller one. Can you explain some of this peculiar stuff?
A: Those thin, brown-smeared paper strips are actually fortunes, only slightly longer than the kind you'd find in a fortune cookie. When Grooker used to wear his Chinaman outfit, he'd stick a saying up his ass before each show. Robin or Matthew would have to pull it out and read it. It might say things like: "You won't be paid this week," or "Your future will be to try and sue me for royalties."
Q: This decayed, dried up frankfurter festooned in white crystals?
A: A Salty Dog! Salt preserves meat, you know. That's not a frankfurter. It's my penis. I had it removed and given to Grooker as a gift. But don't worry, I'm still a prick.
Q: What about this old bucket?
A: It inspired lyrics by "Teeth" Greed. It's a dark pail; everything's whiter than that! When you're on mushrooms, you come up with odd thoughts like that.
Q: This folded up tent?
A: A pair of Geoff's underpants. That's his bra over there.
Q: Oh, I thought it was two more pails. My mistake. What's this, an encyclopedia?
A: Oh, no, no, just a note to myself. I was jotting some ideas for making the website a little less cluttered. Oh my, this roll of toilet paper! Excuse me...
Q: It has writing on it. What's it say?
A: Nothing, nothing. We sometimes have misguided fans sending in lyrics, hoping that Grooker might put a melody to them. We don't accept such things. That roll came to us by somebody named Knickerless Payne. Unroll a bit and read for yourself.
Q: "Fuck off Obama...Fuck off Obama...Fuck off Obama..." Kind of redundant.
A: Yes, he was trying to write in Greed's style. I am not a fan of simple words, myself. The only thing I keep simple is my hat.
Q: Yes, the beret.
A: Well, it's actually a massive piece of dog dung that got flattened by a truck. I pried it up and it fit very well. I think the dog's owner was named Robin!
Q: Not Trower, by any chance?
A: Not at all. I won't give the last name of that Boob Sale guy you hate. And don't try to stick something about Shauna or Bill in this. I'm not as dumb as I look!
Q: Do you think Grooker might cover a Taylor Swift song while wearing an adult diaper?
A: Only if the guyyssss in the band leave him nice comments and a fiverrr. Oh! You tricked me! That was a Shauna and Bill reference!! Just for that, I'm inviting you to a Boko Harum concert! I'll be charging you 400 pounds to attend the pre-show party, 20 more for drinks, 20 more for the live music fee, 50 pounds more for the chartered bus to the train to the bus to the train, 20 pounds transfer fee for each change from bus to train, and a fiverr so I can buy some razor blades. I don't shave my face, but I do keep my twat immaculately shaved!
Q: One last question, "Two Sheds." That blouse and those panties. Yours or Grooker's?
A: GROOKERS, of course! These will be auctioned so I can have more money to indulge myself and the website!
Q: Do you have PROOF that these were his?
A: Take a look at this photo!
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