"I don't know ANYTHING about it, except that Rolf liked young kangaroos even more than putting the older ones in bondage. Whatever. The important thing is it's now in my COLLECTION! I can numbly sit and marvel at how many records I own. It takes talent to buy records. Quantity, not quality! I even buy scratched ones. I could sit and listen to a broken record clicking and skipping, and I'd still be fascinated, just like a baby. Being senile, I'm sort of a baby.
"I went walkies last Sunday to Kuntsford. A fellow named Gersh told me about it. It's a little out of my way, as I live in Assholeford. However, riding atop my dog Muffin, I, your stalwart seeker of ANYTHING AT ALL, rode valiantly to Kuntsford to visit the charity shop there AND the boot sale.
"I have spent the last seven hours in church, praying to remember WHERE I got this record. Was it the charity shop or the boot sale? Damned if I can remember.
"I do remember that Muffin was panting so terribly from carrying my creepy carcass, I rented a Great Dane for the ride home. Do you know what I call him? That's right, Danish!
"I galloped home on Danish, with Muffin romping alongside! Shine on! What ho! By nightfall, I was home. My dogs were panting and panting. What a pair of panties!
"I got over 150 pounds of records in Kuntsford. You were expecting me to pay a record 150 pounds for a kunt instead? Not old gray me! I only care about records! Anything I did not already have, I bought. This happy pensioner has nothing else to spend money on. The wife ignores me and likes to gum any delivery man who can be aroused by her. (It helps that she has a big tattoo of a twat over her mouth.)
"My children are all grown, and have outgrown me, and think I'm a silly senile old fool. They'll think differently when they inherit this mammoth collection of singles that did not chart! I may not have Matt Monro singing "From Russia With Love," but I have him singing, "From Grimsby With Herpes."
"As to this single, by my beloved Rolf Harris, I would of course appreciate any loser to leave a nice comment and tell me things I don't know. This would include who the current Prime Minister is, what I had for lunch, and why there's brown stains in my underwear (in the front!)
"One thing that concerns me (and very little concerns me) is that boot sales are not as BIG as they used to be. I can not imagine why this is. After all, I digitise all the records I get at boot sales and obsessively upload them, and that gives lazy geeks and nerds plenty to listen to without leaving their basements and going outside.
Between me and GooTube juke boxes, even obscure shit is easy to find without buying. My, my, so why is it so many sellers have given up and aren't trundling their dusty records to boot sales? Can't they make a living off ME alone? I mean, they can, if they budget themselves, and get the marked-down bent cans at the market, and the day-old bread. I want records, that's the important thing. I want them. I have nothing else to do. I need to wander to boot sales on the weekend and then spend the next five days sorting my records and digitising them and staring at them.
"Sometimes, if they are very dusty, I wipe them with my flaccid penis. My foreskin usually has a few wet drops in it, which can add a bit of a shine to the black vinyl. If the record is very, very, very dusty, I will wipe it with my scrotum, as the hairs can get in the grooves and dislodge some grit. I've invited my wife to watch, but she won't. She's just not a fan of records. PS, I do not like the old American 45rpm records that have the large hole in the middle. I have sometimes stuffed my scrotum in the hole, and had to walk around that way for hours. It might take a good long walkie-walk with Muffin to dislodge the record. I do this at night, of course, so that I can walk around without my trousers and nobody will see and yell "You fucked up stupid old codger, I'll straight way call the police if you don't go back home!"
"I am so proud of myself for owning this song Rolf did rite after "Tie Me Kangaroo Down." I do not no if their is other sea quills. I wall try and fine out.
"Ooops! I see my spellcheck has stopped working. I better try and be careful and type slow wir. Their. That's butter. I posted enuf today but I will post more to mato. Goodbye for now old friends and book ends.
"I remain, most sin searly,
"Your Alzheimers-infested grandpa,
"ROBBIN (from the copyright oaners) NERDTH"
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